Donut of Misery

I have no idea if any of my readers are curious as to what a "Donut of Misery" is. And believe me, I didn't know either. I am apart of a "Waiting For A Missionary" group on Facebook and I kept reading about this Donut of Misery and the girls talking all percentage and stuff. I couldn't figure it out! Then I found a link, and this is what they've been talking about :)

It just shows how much percentage you have done, how many months, days, weeks left and how many have gone by. It is a little depressing, not gonna lie, but helpful in a way.

I've been missing my sweetheart terribly today, but this group has kinda lifted me up. I'm hoping that this week will get better, but today I've just been sad. I feel like nobody understands. Even his family, I feel is a little standoff-ish towards me and it makes me sad :(

It's also extremely hard when I opened up Brady's letter on Friday and he just went off about how homesick he is, and how he misses me. And I'm encouraged not to say the same back; but it's so hard!! :( Today was the first day since Brady left, that I've actually cried over him being gone. I just want him. I just want a hug from him. I just want to hear his voice. I just want to be next to him, with him, forever. But I've only been in this 1.5 months and I'm already complaining. I need to stop too. Brady is doing something amazing and I need to do something amazing.

I'm really busy this semester, and It's been good for me. As much as I hate feeling like I have no time in the day to do anything, it's good for me. I'm going to read the Book of Mormon again, 1. Because I've missed reading it every night. 2. Because I want the blessings 3. I want to feel the Spirit 4. I need the knowledge from it 5. It's true 6. It brings happiness and peace to my soul 7. I read it in two months, I can do it again :) Also, I'm just getting into crafting, spending good time on my quilt, working full hours (even when I don't want to) spending time with my friends, writing letters, blogging, doing homework, studying, eating right and working out, going to church, praying, going to the Temple. There is SO much that I need to be doing, am doing, and could be doing right now in my life, and I've only got two years to do it. I want to study abroad or volunteer over the summer internationally. Wouldn't that be sweet!? I think so :) Also, my first nephew is coming next month! I'm stoked :) I want to send Brady a package but I have no idea what to put in it!! Any ideas??

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Sunday, and has a good week!

My Addiction

Like I've mentioned before, I'm making a quilt in school as one of my classes. And let's just get it over with.... I'm addicted. Yeah! I know! I want a sewing machine and all the money in the world to buy fabric and ribbon and just everything. I'm in love with sewing and I'm so excited to see how my quilt turns out to be :)

This is the second block to my quilt.
I made four of these, and I think I'll put them in the four
corners of my blanket.

And if that addiction isn't enough. Check out the craft I made with my sister Friday night!

I had so much fun! It was with her friends celebrating a birthday and just catching up!

I had a lot of fun spending time with my sister! I miss her a lot so I'm really grateful I was able to spend the night with her! We both chose the word Love and hers turned out pretty cute! I just didn't get to take a picture of it :( Anyway, so I'm pretty addicted to crafts now. I have my own business running and I make hair clips for girls of all ages! I just bought myself a hot glue gun and some glue sticks yesterday so I can start making more, and I'm not sure how great of an idea that was! Now I'll never stop! But it's so fun :)

Anyway, I went home and spent the night at my sisters and then I went home on Saturday. I stopped by my "home home" and said hi to my dad and my babylove (Scooter) and just chatted for a while, and then decided I needed to head back to school before the storm. I had until Monday to be at home, but things have been going so well with my roommates this semester that I actually missed them a lot!! We've been spending a lot of time together, and we're getting along well and school is going good for all of us and I'm just really happy this semester :) So when I left Friday afternoon, I was a little sad to be leaving all of them! Guess I won't be going home again until they all go home!

I also was pretty sad to leave my own home to come back to school. I guess that's another reason I wanted to go back. I get attached to my house quickly when I come home on weekends, and it's extremely hard being there without Brady :( :( Plus, I love my dog and my family so much that it's hard to say goodbye. I almost cried last night when I left them to come back. But I'm so grateful for this sacrifice, and for the support I'm getting from my family. It makes it so much easier!

I also got a letter from Brady this past week :) :) I was seriously on cloud 9 :) He is just the sweetest boy ever and I'm never letting him go. He's mine forever :) He's doing really well. Got pretty homesick there for a while, but he's just trying to do what I'm trying to do, stay busy. But I'm proud of him :) Also, my cousin just left to Hawaii on his mission this past Tuesday! I'm so excited!! I'm just so blessed to know so many missionaries :) I'm going to read the Book of Mormon again. I sincerely miss it :( And it's weird having nothing to read at night!

Anyway, well I had a good week, and weekend! I hope everyone did too :) And if you made a craft, I would love to see it! Have another good weekend, and happy Sunday :)

Believe

As most of you know, I've been struggling with making decisions in my life (at least those who read my blog! :p..).

Well, lately I've felt like the Lord has been pushing me, like literally pushing me into the direction of prayer. I know it sounds silly, but I really feel that way. I feel like the Holy Ghost just constantly pops that word into my head no matter where I'm at, who I'm with, or what I was even talking about before the thought. My cute friend Megan shared a book called Stand A Little Taller by Gordon B. Hinckley and I loved her blog post about it, so I bought myself a copy! It's been good to me!


Well, yesterday when I came across what the date said, was a word that stuck out to me.

SEEK THE LORD IN PRAYER

Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.

- 3 NEPHI 18:20

"Call upon the Lord. He has extended the invitation, and He will answer. Believe in prayer and the power of prayer. Pray to the Lord with the expectation of answers."

Yup. That bold word, is the word. Haha :) I've been reading a book called Talking With God by Robert L. Millet and I just got finished reading the chapters about asking questions in prayer, and receiving and answer, and when we feel we've received no answer.

Well after reading yesterday's page about prayer from President Hinckley. I feel like I know what's missing with my prayers. I'm not believing in my Heavenly Father. I'm not believing that I'll receive my answer. I'm not believing in Him to be there and to hear my prayer, no matter what it's about. I always thought that when you pray, not to expect an answer right there. But then I felt like, the Lord will just give me an answer when I'm ready, and I would move on. Well, I need to believe while I'm waiting, that it'll come. I can't just sit around and watch my life pass and do nothing till I get my answer. I need to continually live my life believing that I'll get my answer. I shouldn't care when I get the answer, how, or even if it's the answer I want. I just need to believe every single day that I'll get it. Heavenly Father will help me, and answer my questions. He knows all, and I am His Child :)

I was really inspired by that and it's been on my mind all day today. Now today's entry in Stand A Little Taller, it talks about families :)

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

See that ye love one another,...learn to impart one to another as the gospel requires.

- DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS 88:123

"God has brought us together as families to bring to pass His eternal purposes. We are part of this plan in this marriage relationship. Let us love and respect and honor one another. We can do it, and we will be the better for it."

I've been thinking about my family a lot. I love them, extremely. I've gotten homesick a little since I've been back in Ephraim. Which I think is weird, considering I just spent 2 1/2 weeks with them, and I've already lived in Ephraim for 4 months, but I can't help but miss them. I'm so extremely lucky to have grown up in a gospel centered family. I'm so glad that even though, with my dad being in the Marine Corp, my parents were still sealed for time and all eternity! And not only that, but in my "Little Home" (the Jordan River Temple). I really found all this out when I did some family history. But I'm so proud of them. To set that example for me.

My family @ Linsey's wedding.

When I go to the House of the Lord, I really feel closer to Heaven. There is something different about the Temples that I just can't ever get enough of. When I went to the Temple after Brady took his endowments out, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed (see here). Heavenly Father's plan really is centered on families. How hard would it be, to come to Earth, alone? Never having a "family", just here to live for yourself as a Child of God? I'm sure it'd be a terrible journey. Most of my favorite memories, and things I can't wait to personally thank my Heavenly Father for, are memories with my family; immediate, extended, etc. We truly are a blessed people, and I can't wait to have a family of my own :) I'm seriously the luckiest girl in the world :) :)

I hope you are grateful for your families, and tell them you love them very much everyday!

Sewing

This would be the cute fabric I just bought for my quilting class :) I'm so excited! I've never sewn anything before, and if I have, I'm sure my grandma helped... maybe even made it for me. I'm really excited to learn how to sew and even use a sewing machine! I love that my major is helping me become a mommy :) It's always so fun and I enjoy it a ton! I loved the flower fabric piece and then the others just gradually grew on me, and I had my roommate Katie help me! :) I'm so excited to make it and I can't wait to show you all a picture of it!

Not A Nutshell

I guess I could try and cover everything that's on my mind right now, in a nutshell. But I can't. It's too hard and there's too much. I've got a lot on my mind and I just need to get it off, here on my blog. So this may or may not be a long post!

First, it's about blogging. I feel like I have NO idea what to blog about, and I worry. Isn't that silly? Yeah, completely. I feel like I should only blog about certain things, and never blog too much but not too little, and it stresses me out. Can you believe it? I stress out over blogging! Hahaha It's such a silly thing, but I don't know what to do about it. I feel like the people who read my blog aren't going to be interested in what I have to say. And maybe they won't be, but if they are, I want it to be good and worth reading. But this is my blog. Right?...

I am going through a lot right now. I just started my second semester of college and it is keeping me a lot busier than I expected it to. I literally wake up at 8 every morning, and don't get home till about 5 or 5:30. I have school all day, then I work. And now I have to fit in working out. Ah! Where did my day go for that!? Sheesh! I am happy with it though. Last semester I had all the time in the world to do ANYTHING and most days it got depressing. It can be hard here in Ephraim without my family, Brady and my close friends, but I just have to remind myself that I'm here for school and nothing else.

I miss Brady a lot too. I didn't expect to have so much remind me of him when I got back from Christmas break! I almost cried when I got back. Brady & I Skyped almost every night last semester and I got back and had to go without it :( I did for a week and a half when he first left, but for some reason this time it was really sad for me. I miss Skyping with him when my day is over and having his voice be the last one I heard every night. I just dreaded being back in Ephraim and I felt depressed and homesick the first week or two. But I've got a wonderful family who lets me call them whenever I need to! I am so happy for Brady though. I hope he has been getting my letters, and I hope to hear from him soon. He's amazing, and my love for him has grown so much since he's been gone. It's stronger than ever, and I can't believe this is happening. So many people have talked with me about dating, and asked if I was going to date, and that I have to get rid of the pictures of Brady & I and all these things just so I can date. I feel like I shouldn't have to. He's gone, what is that going to do!? Plus, it's not on my priority list to date while Brady is gone; it just isn't. I don't seek out boys to date, and I don't want to. I truly feel like I could care less if I date while Brady is gone. No, I'm not putting myself on hold, I just don't have that interest, and it's okay.

Church. Holy smokes :/ I feel like a huge chunk was taken out of me when the Read With Me Challenge stopped. It became a habit and the one thing I depended on for my happiness. I feel tempted to read the Book of Mormon over again just so I can get that back! It really helped me and got me ready for things I have to face this year. I feel prepared since reading that Book of Mormon before last year ended. 2010 was a really rough and amazing year and to have the Book of Mormon help me be ready for 2011 was a blessing! I'm really grateful for this gospel.

Which leads me to my next thought, families. I love the Temple. In fact, I wish I lived in the Salt Lake Temple. I'm not going to lie, that has been my dream forever. The Salt Lake Temple is beautiful and just being in its presence at any time of the year, I can't help but feel closer to Heaven. I haven't been to the Temple to do baptisms since before Christmas break, but that is really a goal I want to set for myself this year. In fact, I'll make it a new years resolution. Temples are amazing places. They are the one place you can literally reach for Heaven, and it reaches back. You feel so close to your Savior and Heavenly Father, and it's a place you never want to leave. Amazing ordinances and promises/covenants are being made and I'm just left in aw. I know I have a while before I go through the Temple myself, but I cannot wait for the day that I get to kneel across the Lord's altar, and be sealed for time and all eternity to my sweetheart. I know that families are forever and I can't wait for my own. I'm such a blessed Daughter of God and I'm grateful for all the Temples ♥

I've been struggling with friends lately. I get really sad when I see friends from high school hangout and I don't get to hangout with them. Sometimes I feel like nobody likes me, and because I dated Brady, that's why they don't talk to me. Ever since Brady left I've been feeling really lonely, and I'm always needing a best friend since mine left and the only communication we have is letters. I really miss all my old friends, and feeling like I have people to hangout with. I don't feel like I have anyone I can turn to when I'm feeling sad, and I wonder if that's why the Holy Ghost has really been pushing me with prayer. I loved all my high school friends, and I wish I was still really good friends with them. It's a silly thing to fret over, but I'm tired of feeling lonely. I have some wonderful friends and I'd like to say to them: Thank you. Truly, from the bottom of my heart.

Well, it's been a long post, and I'm sure I could keep going on, but I think I'll stop here. There is so much I need to work for and to keep going on with. I'm currently reading a book called Talking with God by Robert L. Millet and it's been good so far. I really feel like the Holy Ghost has been pushing at me to pray more and council more with my Heavenly Father, and I need to act upon that prompting. I'm so glad I have Institute every other day because if I didn't, my life here at college would fall apart more than I feel it has some days. Reading has become a love for me, and I'm happy :) So if you have any good books you suggest I read, please feel free to tell me! I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday, and a good new week next week!!

Progress?

Welcome my first post of the 2011 year.

I don't feel that excited for this new year. In fact, I haven't felt like I can tell 2011 to "bring it on" or that there are great things in store for me. I just feel like it's another day, but different year.

What a year 2010 was. I've never had a crazier year. My senior year was really hard for me. I dated someone to help me through the loss of my friend, and it ended badly. I had a hard time, but I was cared for and supported by counselors, family members, and friends. Luckily I made it through with a great seminary teacher as well, and I graduated from high school :) That was the happiest day of the year so far. Then I met Brady. We started dating a day after graduation, and I couldn't be more happier. I hungout with great friends and I ended up having a better summer than I ever thought I was going to. Moving to school was hard, but at the time I knew that's where I needed to be. School was rough; living with 5 other people you've never lived with, and dealing with the college style of school was definitely an adjustment. I made it through with going home almost every weekend. Brady has been my rock since day one, and I'm forever grateful.

Today is the anniversary of my sweetheart & I :) We've been together 7 months now!

The first picture of us when we started dating! :)

Also, Brady has been gone 1 month today!! You know what that means!? 23 more months, 22 more fast Sundays and I don't know how many more days, hahaha. All I know is that it's felt like FOREVER.

The last picture of us before he left/his farewell.

I guess you can say it's a big deal that he's been gone for 1 month, but really!? He's pretty homesick, and in the last letter, I can't even begin to tell you how much he misses me and home and his family. It's super hard because I want to say it right back but I shouldn't.

I really had a hard time tonight. I went to his house and visited with his family. It was good but his smell is overwhelming and I just couldn't help but reminisce of the funny times, the sad times, the "tender moment" times, the short times, the long times, and everything in between. 

(Click here if you can't view it, and want to.)
This movie was made from my babe :) It was just at the beginning of my semester and he sent it to me just for fun, and I sent one to him! Haha, he's just a cute guy :)

My babe is my babe. And he's mine forever. I've been thinking about dating and such a lot lately. Not "relationship" type dating, just a date. Ya know? The kind they tell you to wait for till you're 16? Yeah, that kind. Well, a friend of mine told me that nobody will prolly want to date me because of Brady. And if they saw my facebook, they most definitely won't. I kinda felt offensive at first, but he was right. Him and my mother suggested I take the pictures of Brady & I off if that was the case, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it (not that I had thought it was a good idea in the first place). One reason, because I'm sure everyone would go all "did you guys break up?" or "did you dear john him?" or something to the point that they would notice. Plus, I loved Brady way too much just to take pictures off so I can get a date. Psh. Guess I won't be dating if that's what it takes.

I guess you can say I've made progress with finishing first semester of college in the middle of Brady being gone. I read the entire Book of Mormon in two months. It just doesn't seem real that it's gone by that fast. I love my Brady very much. It hurts a lot to have him gone, and I've been truly struggling. I have a ton of support, and even though some days I really don't feel like I can get through, tomorrow always comes. I'm not looking forward to going back to Ephraim, but I keep telling myself, "4 more months and you're outta there!" Then I can come home and go to SLCC for the Summer, and if things work money wise, I'll head up to Rexburg :)

My new years resolution: Workout every other day, and eat healthier.

Well Happy New year everybody!

Not The End

Remember that Read With Me Challenge I've mentioned a few times in older posts? Well it's come to an end. I finished tonight (well last night since I'm posting this "early" in the morning) and it was pretty hard and spiritual for me. I play church music when I read my scriptures so that I don't let my mind wonder, and it invites the Spirit even more, plus church music is just my favorite :) Well, there was a song that came on, it's called Every Breath by Jenny Phillips. Have you ever heard her sing!? She's AMAZING. Well, I'm posting it from youtube so that you can listen to it while I babble some more...

I'm grateful for this song, and the strength it brings me.

Anyway, so I'm still just, in complete shock that I finished the Book of Mormon. There were so many days that I got behind that sometimes I just didn't think I'd ever catch up, or that I'd finish next year; I didn't want any of that to happen. I stuck to it, and I firmly believe the comfort that came from me reading this, is what's got me through these last two months. And I'm not just saying that.

I've really struggled lately, and I'm sure you've all heard my sob story. But it's rough grieving the loss of my sweet, sweet Andy. And then having my best friend leave on a mission, while struggling with school. It was a hard couple months, but I know this book kept me sane at my most breakable moments. This book has given me more hope than I think it'll ever realize. I came across a verse in Moroni 7. It's verse 48 and it reads,

 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen."

That just really touched my heart. I wanted to cry, because I just hope that the "someday" we are all preparing for will come soon. I know that's a little crazy of me to say, but every time I think of it, my heart can't help but fill up with pure happiness. To be with my best friend, my Savior, my Heavenly Father, Andy... and many more loved ones.

"I am mindful of you always in my prayers, continually praying unto God the Father in the name of his Holy Child, Jesus, that he, through his infinite goodness and grace, will keep you through the endurance of faith on his name to the end. " (Moroni 8:3)

Which brings in my next few verses (Moroni 9:25-26):

"My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever."

"And may the grace of God the Father, whose throne is high in the heavens, and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sitteth on the right hand of his power, until all things shall become subject unto him, be, and abide with you forever. Amen."

I guess you could say, Heavenly Father doesn't want us to forget. I know, I know, we all know that. But I swear it after reading this. I seriously think the last ten pages I read tonight were filled with so much humility, it was almost overwhelming for me to read! My Savior's love just exploded from the pages and each verse was hopeful and uplifting, good guidelines, and explanations of consequences both good and bad. It has been a little hard lately without Andy. I've been thinking a lot about him this break, which I expected to be normal, but I forgot that Moroni 10 was the last chapter in the Book of Mormon, so when I realized the first few verses of the last chapter were the verses I shared with Andy at EFY, that were the verses for our company, I almost broke down crying. I miss him so much, and the Spirit was so strong. I really wish he was with me some days, but I know the verses I shared up above helps me remember that I'll see my Andy one day. That his memory will stay with me forever, and that I'll remember he's with Heavenly Father now, happy and safe again :)

And the last verse that made a difference was Moroni 10:27.

"And I exhort you to remember these things; for the time speedily cometh that ye shall know that I lie not, for ye shall see me at the bar of God; and the Lord God will say unto you: Did I not declare my words unto you, which were written by this man, like as one crying from the dead, yea, even as one speaking out of the dust?"

The word "speedily" caught my attention from this verse. It's used a lot in the scriptures and to me, we don't have a lot of time. I feel like the only way I can truly prepare for my Savior is the intent of my heart in all my doings, and my testimony. It's the testimony that will get us through; I thought a lot about that tonight. I mean, yeah we've got the scriptures to read, we've got church talks, conference videos, family traditions, journals and such, but in the end, what really continues to carry us, is the testimony we have of our Savior. The testimony we have of our own faith that we can endure to the end. That we believe in our Savior. That we know he'll come for us one day. That one day, his promise will be fulfilled and we will be like him.

I know my testimony of this Book of Mormon has grown stronger and more stable than ever. This isn't the end of my Book of Mormon reading. A friend of mine made a comment about reading the Book of Mormon 3 times in 3 months (which I'll be doing in the summer!!) and another said try reading it in 3 days. And I'm thinking, holy cow! Here I am feeling proud for reading it in two months, and these people have read it faster! But then I began to felt prideful after saying that.

It's not about reading it 3 times in 3 months, or in 3 days, 2 months, heck its not even about how fast you can do it. It's reading it. Reading ten pages this time around was something different for me. I used to read by chapter, and I began to only care about how long the chapter was, or what it was about. This time it was those ten pages. I got to study those ten pages for however long I want. Ask whatever questions, and follow promptings from it, learn and take what I can from it, and apply. It was the best way to read it, I think. I'm truly grateful for this experience and I don't think I could thank Becca enough for doing this. It was truly an answer to a prayer of mine, and that isn't made up; it was. I know Heavenly Father was looking out for me and I know he will continue to.

The Book of Mormon is true.