"Don't Pray When it Rains if You Don't Pray When the Sun Shines."

This post is a little for me and just venting, and if someone wants to read it, they may.

So I've had a lot to say this month. More than most months since June and July. I've just decided it's easier for me to blog about things than to write them in my journal, but I'm still doing my best to write in it. I've been going through so much in my life it is crazy!

Most people know me as the "goody-good mormon" lol, my roommates all thought I was going to be that "quiet book of mormon girl" hahaha it makes me laugh, but it's a compliment. A compliment that I wished I still lived up too. :/ I miss my Heavenly Father. I miss His warmth. I miss His hugs, and His love. I miss His Holy Temples, and the ordinances that take place inside, and being apart of the ordinance that starts it all. I miss the Sacrament, and General Conference, Bishops, Ward Members, Scriptures, Lessons, 3 hour church meetings, Sunday best, Sabbath Day, morning and evening prayers, daily scripture reading. I feel like all of that and more has been wiped away from my life completely.

I've written a lot of missionaries these past couple years. It's just a delight and I enjoy it! It's always so nice to hear from people who know how well the work of the Lord is going on in other parts of the world. I was reading a blog of a missionary I know (his sister posts his letters) and I couldn't help but just completely feel the Spirit overtake me. It made me want to serve a mission. I get so excited when I hear/read how hard missionaries are working for the church. How obedient and faithful they are. It inspires me. I've been having a hard time accepting the fact I only have one more month with Brady before I have to wait two years. But then I remember all the amazing letters I'll get. How I get to personally know someone who is changing the world one step at a time in England. I can't believe he has this opportunity and I'm glad he's taking it because if I could serve a mission right now, I'd take the chance in a heartbeat.

Missionaries are amazing people. Both Elders and Sisters. I really love seeing the Sister missionaries downtown at the Salt Lake Temple. They're so sweet and from all over the world. They're serving at my FAVORITE place in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. Sometimes it makes me wished I was serving with them. I love seeing Elders on the side of the road, or pretty much anywhere. There is a missionary companionship in Ephraim (where I'm going to college) and I was shocked when I first saw them because Ephraim is so small, not a lot of people, yet amazing because the Lord still feels it is important for Ephraim to have missionaries. We have two English speaking, and two Spanish speaking Elders. Institute is my very favorite part of my day. I'm really sad it's a lot shorter than seminary, but it's enough to get me by. I think next semester I'll have Institute be my first class so I can start the day off with the Spirit.

Anyway, I guess I need to quit telling myself I'll try harder everyday to read my scriptures and pray, because it's not happening. I haven't been to the Temple in over 2 months :( And before that, it had been MONTHS. I love the Manti Temple, but I don't have a car or I'd drive there ALL the time. It was hard moving away from three Temples that I had easy access too. I need to quit making excuses for myself. I have a roommate, who read a quote her friend tweeted, it was, "Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines." - Satchel Paige. I really believe that. That quote is TOTALLY me. I really need to pray to the Lord whenever. I shouldn't wait till I REALLY need help, or am feeling lost, lonely, and hurt.

I love my Lord. My testimony hasn't ever changed and it never will. The loss of my friend, a best friend and the life changing experience called college has had a lot of influence and pressure on me and the way I live, but I'm doing my best. I have a hard time dealing with change, and I haven't been able to get over this one. I guess I could say I'm going to keep working hard, but I'm not working hard enough. I feel like I need to serve a mission just to make myself work hard. I need something, I need help. I don't want my Heavenly Father to be my last resort for anything. I'm not going to let that happen anymore. I'm going to need him more than ever, everyday of my life, starting now.

This song, is definitely how I'm feeling now. It's amazing and has helped me through a lot.

In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen. ♥

Sisters ♥

This is for my sisters, Linsey & Jessica. I love you both very much!

I was using this new free slideshow program and
this is my example, I knew I should do something
for my sisters since I don't see them often, and they're
my best friends :) If you watch, I hope you enjoy.

1 Year

This post is a little for venting, and a tribute as well.

I cannot believe a year ago today, my life went down a very rocky road.

Today is the day my dear friend Nathan Andrew Edgar passed away. :(

I never wanted this day to come. Since the day I found out, I never wanted it to be a day since he was gone, a week, a month, a couple months, half a year, and even a year... But I can't control time. I wonder why it has to just fly by the way it does.. I have so many memories and can remember things SO WELL everyday after I found out. I can remember that week, PERFECTLY. As if it was yesterday..

I can't believe he's gone. I miss him terribly. Every day. It's gotten a little easier, well a lot easier compared to how I used to be the first months, but it's still hard. I feel like I'm secretly suffering sometimes. There are days where I can go without thinking about it, and be happy and enjoy life. But then there are those days that I just can't stop thinking about him, and I just feel like there's so much I still gotta work through and move on from. It's been a journey, I can tell you that.

I have a good friend, Sam. Andy & I met him at EFY. He was in our group too! We all became the three amigos that entire week and it was so fun!! I loved every minute of it because of them :) I have many great memories and pictures and such! Anyway, he lives in California. He got his mission call I think in September, and he's serving the Colorado Denver, North mission. Today was his farewell and Wednesday is when he leaves. I cannot believe it! :/ I remember talking to him about it last summer and knowing he had so long before he could even start his papers, and now he's leaving for two years in just three days. He called me yesterday (Sunday) and read me his talk he gave in sacrament. (It was really good!) Not a lot of people understand what it's like to go through a loss of a friend, but Sam does. I've been having mixed feelings of him leaving on his mission because I feel like the last part I have of Andy is leaving for two years. No communication but letters, but I think this will be good. I can do this. I'm proud of Sam.

Anyway, he was able to fly out in one day to come to dear Andy's funeral with me. It was so sweet of his dad to let him and it was just one day I'll never forget! It was also the hardest..

So even though I could go on about more of the sad stuff, and just sit and complain about how I miss him and such, I'm not going to. (I'll save that for my journal ;)...) I'm going to write about all the happy memories and moments from Andy's & I relationship/friendship!! :)

This is where I kind of first met Andy! We were chosen, (along with Roger and Guilia) to make the banner for our company. He was so funny I remember, and he did a lot of the painting. I think that's when we became pals :)


This was the first dance that we kind of starting becoming even better friends. This is Sam, Andy, Brogan, Me, & Lexi at the dance!


I remember this picture like it was yesterday. We were walking linked arm in arm and there was this camera looking thing (except it wasn't a camera) that a construction worker had out, and as we walked to our company spot we all said, "Work it work it, own it own it" and then "follow the yellow brick road!" Hahahahaha this is Sam, Me, Brogan, Lexi & Andy


Our company - "Real Intent" (Moroni 10:4 and 5)


This is Sam, Andy & I in the auditorium for some instructions on the service project. This is where Andy started to open up to me :) He was so sweet and just telling me things. I remember he would tease me about how tired I was and then he told me, "My shoulder is hear to rest on if you want" Hahaha I remember thinking, wow, hahaha and then I said, "thanks!" And from then on, our relationship started :)


This is more instruction for the service project. I love this picture :) It's my favorite! I have a copy of it in my wallet! My mom loves this picture. It means a lot to me.


Hahaha they were arguing over which was better. Sam is West side, Andy is East side and I decided to be both :)


This is my second favorite picture! :) (On Lexi's facebook he commented after I said, this is cute! He said, yeah except for me, we both look so tired! I remember laughing.. he teased me so much!) This is us during the service project. He was so cute that day. He told me I could lay on his arm, or his leg if I was tired and I remember thinking it was so sweet of him and stuff. That's when I really started to like him!


This is our finished product :) Lexi, Sam, Andy, Me and Michael


These are my favorite pictures of Sam, Andy & I
This was the last dance of the week. I remember I danced with Sam and he asked me if I liked Andy as more than a friend and asked me how my week was and all that jazz. Then the next slow song, Andy came and asked me to dance and I remember feeling so happy! He then said, "So I'm pretty sure you like me." and I just kind of gave him a look, and he said, "It's okay, cause I feel the same way." And then we talked more about it and I just remember feeling happier than ever at that moment!! He was such a sweet boy and I felt lucky to have met him!



This is the three amigos at the end of the week slide show. I remember this moment like none other. Andy was so cute!! During the slide show they were playing this song by Hilary Weeks, "One By One" and it talks about Christ knowing us one by one and Andy turned to me and said, "I'm that one" and I remember thinking, wow. The spirit has really touched his heart. (Even during testimony meeting he just cried during his testimony and it was so real and intense. I remember writing him a letter)


Hardest goodbye. We woke up the next morning at six and finished reading as a company. He brought a blanket and came and sat next to me. We then hugged and he left and I remember feeling sad like I wasn't ever going to see him again. Then on the way home I heard this song called Fallin' For You by Colbie Calliat (it had just come out) and I thought of him.

Now, I now I've just posted about a lot, but those are some happy memories :) One last one I have is when he took me to the musical "Scarlet Pimpernail" with his family. I just remember pulling up at the drop off and there he was, standing as handsome as ever, with a smile on his face because he saw me. We went inside and sat the whole time. And he even held my hand :) We didn't sit by his family but I still got to meet them. They've very sweet. (I still stay in touch with them now, and even thought I've only met them a few times, they still mean very much to me.) After the fact we went to dinner and it was just him and I sitting in a booth and his family sat somewhere else. It was fun!! :) He dropped me off at home and he met my parents and I just remember thinking I had the best day ever!! :) I also loved it when we would talk on the phone at night and he would call and text me through messenger.

I truly knew I was sent to help him through whatever at the time I did. He was such a good friend to me and I really miss him. I miss hearing his voice and talking with him on the phone. I miss seeing his smiling face and just talking to him. I miss knowing the chance to see him again in person will never happen until Heaven. I'm learning to accept it. I thank the Lord everyday I had the wonderful opportunity to attend that session at EFY and meet him, know him for as long as I did, and then learn from his passing. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish he were here. I love him and I miss him. I care so much about him and his family. They were kind enough to send me some memorable things that have helped me, if any of them ever read this, I hope they know how thankful I am for them sending me those sketches of Andy & Christ. I've done so much for Andy. I created a t-shirt logo and I corporated his rose into it, then I signed my final ASL project song to Why by Rascal Flatts in his behalf. It's powerful. (It's on youtube, Why - Rascal Flatts - ASL). Anway, I love and miss him and I know he's in Heavenly Father's care. One year down, I'm proud of myself.

I love and miss you Andy!

College 3

Oh the joys of college life :)

This is what I walk to class in everyday.

The weather is BEAUTIFUL here.



(This is another picture of the beautiful leaves on the ground, it looks like yucky stuff, but I promise it's leaves!)



Oh how I love fall weather :)
It reminds me of home and my mommy!

The Lord is truly blessing me with such beautiful weather, and atmosphere.
I'm so happy :)

Fall Break '10!

So I just had fall break! I had so much fun :) I got out of school on Wednesday and headed home for a long weekend! Brady got a job and was training that week all for 2 days, so I stayed at home with my little sister and just relaxed :) It was really fun and I loved being with my sister! It made me miss home so much!! Just the smell of my home made me miss it! I got homework done, and studying in for my test this week! It was nice! I got to visit my aunt & uncle on Saturday and it was awesome :) I grew up at their house alot and so it was fun going back after a long time! Brady & I then went to the mall and browsed. We went to Deseret Book. Goodness I wish I could just LIVE in that store!!!! Anyway, I then went home and finished up my homework and then Brady, Jess & I went to my cousin Skye & Ty's to carve pumpkins with them and my other sister & her husband. It was SO fun! I hate carving pumpkins so Brady & I got a pumpkin to share and so I watched him carve it :p Hahaha I had a lot of fun being with family! I've been so, all about family lately. I really think this class I'm taking has something to do with it, also the church. My father spoke in church today on preparing to enter the Temple and he did such a great job! He works downtown for the church and he is ALWAYS by the Salt Lake Temple and it's just, amazing! My dad is so lucky but it's so good for him, and such a blessing! Anyway, here are some photos of my break! :)

My Hobby

Do I really have a hobby?? Sheesh! I wish! I kind of do, but I don't really do much so technically they aren't hobbies.

Anyway, one thing I've become obsessed with is digital scrapbooking! I love it :) It's so fun, easier than spending HOURS cutting, gluing/taping, buying paper, and all sorts of things! You just put it together with either photoshop (or my newly founded love, Scrapbook MAX! 2.0!! I want it for Christmas!) and many other things. I've just decided I need something to do with my time. I need a hobby! It was extremely hard to find a job here in Ephraim, and I've yet to find one still, so in the mean time, I want something to do :) I've become addicted to crafts and creating things! I love looking at blogs that give you ways to create cute things of all different subjects! I really want to learn to digital scrapbook for Brady's mission, but we'll see how it goes :) Anway, here are some copies of the pages I did today. They gave me the pages, all I had to do was put in the pictures. I made some on my own, and I'm putting those on Brady's mission blog. (The link is found on my blog). Have a wonderful Fall break college students!!

Active Parenting & Families

So I'm taking a Family Relations class and I love it! I knew the second I signed up for it, that it was going to be amazing! I've always wanted to do some sort of counseling/therapy/psychology type major and help others. I'm always wanting to help others. Well we started this book (to the left) in my class. This class has to be my favorite this semester. We watched a video today full of situations on how to help kids with the way they are feeling and the certain responses we should be giving them. I know I'm going to learn a lot from this book, so I'm glad I bought it! I also bought another book called, 7 Habits For A Highly Effective Family (I think! Hahaha) and I'm excited to learn from that one as well. The other day I was pondering about the classes I should consider taking next semester and I was thinking about making sure this major (Psychology) was the one I wanted. I got on the schools website and looked up the information, then I looked at the major for Family & Consumer Sciences and looked at the classes required and such and I was drawn to FCS more than I was to the Psych classes. I've thought about it a lot, talked with my mom on whether or not I should change my major. Well I came across a talk the other day (due to a very long train of thought) and I came across this part,

"One day I ran into my uncle while I was visiting at my grandparent’s house. “How’s school?” he inquired. “Have you chosen a major?” “Yep. Advertising.”

“Advertising? Never heard of such a major. Do you think that’s wise?” Then he made a statement I’ll never forget: “The Savior spent 30 years preparing for his brief three-year ministry. You have three years of college left. Don’t you think you should spend them preparing for your lifetime ministry?”

A sword pierced clear through me couldn’t have cut any deeper. I was given cause to ponder. I thought about my mother. Had her education prepared her for her ministry as a wife and mother? She had graduated in dramatic arts. I’d never seen her on stage, but she annually directed the winning stake road show, and every Sunday School or sacrament meeting talk I ever gave was rehearsed to perfection under her tutelage. What if I married right out of college and never worked in my field? Could I use an advertising major to further the Lord’s work? Would it be of any benefit to my children?"

That has stuck in my head FOREVER now. I think about it every day. Every class I go to, when I do my homework, when I study and when I prepare. I think about if this is preparing me to be the mother, wife, daughter, sister, sister-in-law, etc. that Heavenly Father plans for me to be. Part of this talk I read is the reason I've decided to change my major. I'm more happier and willing to learn and study in my Family Relations class than I am in my Psychology class. When I look at what classes the FCS major has to offer, I get more excited and want to take all of them, where with Psychology I dread all the classes and know they're going to be hard. I guess I should have considered the challenge, but I want to love what I major in. I want to love what degree I graduate with. I want it to help me be that mother I've dreamed of being, that wife I've always hoped to be and I know this major will help me do that. I'm so grateful for this class.

*********

Now, on the the other note. Families :) I love my family. I just love the very idea of families. I love my family and cannot wait to have one of my own. I know it's a lot of hard work and takes so much out of you, but that's what I'm here for. To be in a family, and to have my own. The family is the center of Heavenly Father's plan and I want to bring forth other of his children. My patriarchal blessing excites me and I love reading it when it talks about families and marriage.

Many of you know that I'm dating a young man named Brady :) He's so sweet. He's perfect for me and in my eyes. I love him more and more everyday. It's been a little hard being away from him all week, but this is where I need to be right now and I know it'll pay off in the end. He's leaving on his mission December 2 and I'm just amazed at how fast time is going! My family always teases and complains that I never spend time with them when I'm home on the weekend. Well, part of that is because Brady is leaving soon. I know that shouldn't be how I treat my family but I want to spend as much time with Brady as I can before he leaves. I love my family and I appreciate them being there for me. I write about them so much, especially my parents, but it's because I love them!

Anyway, I love Brady. He's one amazing young man, and the way we've gotten close is amazing, and more different than I've ever imagined. We talk about things we want, things we want to improve on, things we dream of, our future plans, what we enjoy about life and how happy we are. He is a pleasing kind of person. He is always making sure I'm happy and that I'm laughing and that I'm okay. I am comfortable just calling him now when I'm having a bad day, sometimes I know he won't know what to say but the fact that he lets me just call him is wonderful. I think we're really starting to have a good based friendship underneath our relationship. He's going to be such a wonderful missionary and change lives! He's so excited! He'll be going through the Temple soon and I know it'll be one experience he'll never forget. I can't wait for him to come home. I want to be with him when he gets back, and I know he'd be one amazing father/husband. I know I'm young and I still have 2 years to date others and hear from Brady and find myself and grow up a bit more, but this whole college thing has taught me a lot. I clean a lot now. My roommates and I usually complain about how dirty our apartment is and at first it was about who has cleaned it the most but now I've just decided to just clean it. I've deep cleaned it a few times and just done the dishes or wash towels, and such. I do it because I want to make my roommates happy and help them have a nice, clean, warm apartment to come home to if they have a hard day. And I also do it because it's soothing for me. I took that from my mother and I couldn't be happier. Cleaning helps relieve my stresses and always is relaxing afterwards. I'm learning a lot by living with other people besides my family that I know I can use in my future!

Woohoo for the future! :) I'm happy to be me and I love my family :) Thank you Heavenly Father!

Lift Up Your Hearts & Rejoice

So I've had some really good scripture passages stick out to me yesterday at church and today in Institute. The first scripture passage is 2 Nephi 4:16. It reads, "Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard."

I thought to myself, wow. That's what I need to start doing. That's an answer to a prayer. I need to lift up my heart, and remember the things that I've seen and heard, that witness to me the Lord loves me. That witness his care for me, and that He's watching over me. And that the things spoken from the Prophet & Apostles, and taught by my church leaders are true. That this is the only true and living church upon this earth. I need to delight in the Lord and love him, and show him that I'm forever on his side.

But today in Institute we were talking about the sections in 2 Nephi that are tied with Isaiah. Now, everyone knows how difficult it is to read through Isaiah. I, have never read Isaiah, but I'm reading the Old Testament this year and I cannot wait to get to it!! So we were told to pick a chapter in Isaiah 12 through 24 and find a scripture passage that sticks out to us, and how we can apply it to our lives. Well, I thought I'd keep my choice at Isaiah 12. The second verse really caught my eye (and it also caught my attention because it was highlighted). I read the whole chapter which was about 7 or 8 verses long. It was SO good! I love reading verses like the ones I read in Isaiah 12. It tied in with chapter 22 in 2 Nephi. The verse that stood out was, "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation." Don't you just love that verse? It matches with the hymn The Lord Is My Light (Hymn 87 I believe). A friend of mine who is out on his mission in Chile right now, told me to read that scripture right before he left, and it's always been a favorite of mine.

I know the Spirit has been talking to me this week because once yesterday and today the Spirit reminded me to "look to God and live. (Alma 37:27)" The Spirit taught to me that I need to lift my heart, and rejoice. I need to be happy and know that God lives and loves me. That He hears and answers my prayers and the guidance He sends me, is for my own good, and my benefit for the Gospel. I now have another witness as to how important it is to pray for the Spirit in my everyday life. How important it is to listen to the whisperings and the promptings of the Holy Spirit and act instead of being acted upon. I know the Lord lives and loves me unconditionally. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The House of the Lord

Manti, Utah Temple

Taken by Ashley Allen
2010

I'm making this post about the Lord's House. I have yet to be to the Temple since August, and before that, it had been a good few months! The last Temple I went to was Mt. Timpanogos Temple; and even then, it felt weird at first being in a place I used to be in at least once a week. I can't believe I used to go to the Temple once a week, and now I can barely make it once a month. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by a gorgeous Temple. It's so amazing, and very different than most Temple's they make these days.

Manti Temple is built almost like a boat, because of the pioneers who discovered the land, only knew how to build boats. It doesn't have an Angel Moroni on either of the spires, because at the time, the church wasn't putting Angel Moroni's on Temples. The church now would like to keep the original look to it and haven't added an Angel Moroni. I love the Manti Temple. My cousin Skye and her husband Ty were sealed there for time and all eternity last September. I remember thinking what a beautiful Temple it was. I hadn't ever been before and so I took the opportunity to experience touching the Temple, and taking pictures, and receiving personal revelation and feeling the Spirit of the Lord.

I cannot wait till I do baptisms for the dead in the Manti Temple for my first time! I really need to get back in the habit of going to the Temple and remembering why, and thinking of those who've crossed over. I've always been addicted to Family History. I downloaded some files, and programs but they're back home on my home computer. It's so addicting and really exciting!

I'm so lucky to be apart of this gospel. I constantly remind myself each and everyday how lucky I am, to have been born under the covenant into a family who is so into the gospel. I'm really thankful families are forever and that is why Temples are so important to me. The Salt Lake Temple is "my Temple." That's what I've always referred to it. Growing up I've been surrounded by the Jordan River, and now Draper, and Oquirrh Mountain Temple. They're beautiful and I was so luck to always have the option to choose which Temple to attend. I never really think about the work that is going on inside. I love when you can see chandeliers shining through the windows, you just know in your head, "just upstairs, a family is being sealed in heaven, a husband and wife, and other ordinances." That thought runs through my head ALL the time. Our ancestors need this work to be done! No wonder they just announced 5 more Temples to be built!! The Lord needs his children saved and we're the only ones who can do it! :) I'm so proud I have the opportunity to do work in the Temple, even though it's only baptisms, that's the first step in saving the Lord's children and I'm very honored to be able to accomplish that for them.

I love my family. I love my brother and my sisters. I cherish every moment I have with my family and every memory. When I was younger, I always would just brush it off when my mother would tell me, "your sisters will be your best friends when you're older," after my sisters & I would argue. But I completely understand it now. I miss my sisters so much! As I got older throughout high school I remember constantly turning to my older sister and telling her things, confiding in her and talk about boys and asking for advice. I love that I can just talk to her about anything. I've always felt so close with my older sister, even after all the arguments and disagreements, I love my sister. I also miss my little sister! (I feel really lucky to be the middle child out of the girls in my family.) My little sister & I have been the best of friends since we were very, very little. She's been my pal, we joke about everything! We enjoy the same tv shows and usually have the same feelings about the episodes we watch. We've always teased each other growing up, but she's always been there. We're so close in age that I've loved having her always right there at school. I can't forget about my brother! I love my brother :) He's always been the funny guy in our family! He's always makin' everyone laugh and I love it! I've said this plenty times but if my family didn't survive the accident, my brother would've been the only family I would have had left (not including my extended family). I love him that much!!! He's so special to me :) Him and my sister-in-law are expecting a baby in February! I'm so excited to be an aunt! :) They find out next week if it is a boy or a girl! :) I say it'll be a boy!!

Anyway, (long post, again! :/) I really need to go to the Temple again, and start making it apart of my life. I also need to start getting involved in my Family History again! When I go down for Fall Break next week, I'm going to bring up all my Family History things and head to the Family History Center they have by the Temple :)

I hope you all have a very wonderful week!

Too Many Titles Possible For This Post

The reason I name this post that is because I have so many things to make this post out to be. I have so many things to express. So much gratitude, happiness, some pain, and much more! I have so many mixed feelings write now, I don't even know where to begin! So I guess I will start with what is currently on my mind.

I went to meet with the Bishop tonight. We spoke about what we had the previous interview. My dear friend Andy :) I had written President Monson a letter (explanation found here), so we were talking about and discussing things that stuck out to me in the talk President Monson had me read. I cried. I always do! I'm such a bawler. Anyway, I just have a hard time with acceptance. Not acceptance in all things, just with this situation. For some reason I have a hard time just accepting the fact that Andy is in God's hands now. His future is dependent upon the Lord. I almost feel like I truly knew Andy's heart. I knew he was a great young man, and that he truly had a strong testimony of the gospel. He had lost his way for a while, but I feel like I need to plead before the Lord in his behalf, to forgive him, even though he struggled and made mistakes, he's still a good person, he's still loving and kind, and has a heart of gold. But I have to shut myself up and remember this is GOD we're talking about. The Creator of all things. He made up the rules, the judgments, the plans, EVERYTHING. And here I am, acting inside as if the Lord isn't going to forgive him, or let him have a hug, or let him repent of his sins. I'm acting like a fool and as if I don't believe all the church teaches about the Lord's forgiveness. I feel terrible :( But it is something I'm working on, and as forgiving as the Lord is and I know he will be with Andy, I know he will be with me. I love him for that. Anyway, at the end of my interview, my bishop was kind enough to let me borrow one of his books. The Miracle of Forgiveness by President Spencer W. Kimball. I cannot wait to read it.

Now, on to my second thought. Brady. Sheesh! I think about, write about, talk about this kid so much! He's just on my mind that much ;) I really am so thankful for him. I was crying in my interview. I really missed my friend Andy today and I needed a hug. I really just think so much of my memories with him. I know I need to be better on learning to let it go, but it'll be a year on the 25th since his passing, so I know it's normal to not be completely moved on not even a year later. I just feel like I always need to talk about it sometimes. Sometimes I feel like it's a drag for most people to hear me just sit and talk about him, but it really helps. Yeah, sure, it makes me miss him a lot, and brings up feelings that are sometimes uncomfortable for me, but it's good because then I don't bottle it in. Brady is always quick to know I need to talk about it. I remember when we were first dating, I wasn't sure if I should tell him about Andy. I didn't for a while, and then one night we were walking through the neighborhood and stopped at a park. I told him I've been needing to tell him about it, and I did. He knew it was serious and was quiet and just listened. He kind of joked, and said well maybe I shouldn't turn in my papers yet so just in case I get called state wise I won't leave in October and make it hard on you because of two different things. I remember laughing and thinking how cute it was, but I could never do that. He hugged me and apologized I had to go through something like that but I let him know that I hope he would understand when I would randomly have a hard time and that it is just me getting through it. He just is so kind, and tender-hearted. I don't know how he does it, but he's so understanding. We've only been together 4 months, but I know he loves me.

One last thought. I gave my best friend a Book of Mormon before I left to college, with my testimony written in the front cover. I've yet to say anything because I don't want her to feel like I'm being pushy about the religion or the book or reading it and all that comes with the Gospel. I just want her to know how important I find the comfort and happiness it brings. I finally asked her tonight if she got it, and she said she did. I was happy :) She said she's read it a little bit and usually goes to it when things get hard and she needs a little comfort. -- I don't think I've been happier in my entire life to hear that! It's amazing :) I love her, and I'm glad she's found that same comforting feeling from it that I have. That's all I've wanted her to get out of that book right now, when I gave it to her. I just want her to know that God loves her. That she isn't alone when she feels like it. That someone understands when she's feeling hurt or having a hard time. I want her to know that she's special and she matters. Her life is so important and I've always wanted her to know that, even when we were growing up, even if she'll never become a member, she is loved by God. I want her to know that God exists. I love you best friend!

This has been a pretty long post, but I learned a lot today, and I've had way too much on my mind. I'm digging this online blog/journal thing; it makes me want to blog every single day! Sometimes I write these posts for people to read, sometimes I just do it because I want to or because I could never write this with pen and paper in my other journal. I feel good now that I've let all that out, but to whoever reads this (especially my parents) I want them to know that I love them, and that I care. I know they are aware and they only want to help me. Even when they've come to their last resort on helping me cope. I want them to know that I'm okay, and that I promise I'm working through this and that it isn't a huge burden on my life like it used to be a couple months ago. I love the Lord with all my heart. I know He is there watching over me. I know He hears my prayers in the morning and at night, even if I'm half way kneeling, He hears them. I know He knows the intents of my heart, and who I truly am, and what I'm truly wanting out of this human journey. I'm forever in debt of gratitude to my Father in Heaven, my Savior Jesus Christ, and my very own earthly family. I say these things humbly, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. ♥

General Conference 2010

So this weekend was General Conference! My favorite time of year :) I missed Saturday session, but I was able to watch this mornings :) I love the Gospel, and the Spirit! Everything about this church is exactly what I need. I had questions written down but I've yet to go back and see if they were answered. I just remember the feed back I got after writing the general authorities, and then seeing there faces, how loved I felt. How much I knew (even through the TV screen) they cared for me. How much their message was going to help me, and how important they felt it was. I love that there are so many influences in the world that will help me follow the Prophet's guide, and his Apostles, as well as many other authorities. I felt the Spirit so much today, and I know that I want to do better at reading my scriptures, and pray, and make certain things important regardless if I'm made fun of, or if my roommates see (not that they don't pray and read, because I know they do) because it's usually hard for me to just pray and read wherever. I'm used to my own bedroom. My spiritual place, and I had to leave that at home. But one thing I know for sure, is my testimony will always stay in my heart. I loved Conference! I can't wait for the Ensign to come out so I can study and read it and memorize it till next conference :) I know this church is true, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. :)

Happy Birthday Brady ♥

Saturday was my babe's birthday! :) It was fun! I came home Friday night, and around midnight I called him so I could wish him a Happy Birthday :) Then at around eight thirty/nine o'clock in the morning, he came and picked me up and we went to his house for breakfast :) It was so fun! Then we just kind of hungout and watched tv and movies and then we ran an arron for my dad and then Brady, Austin, his mom & I all went up Big Cottonwood Canyon to Silver Lake for a picnik dinner and to walk around the lake. It was beautiful and so very warm, and just perfect day! Austin enjoyed himself fishing, while Brady & I had some food :) It was just a good day! We got back, Brady went to Priesthood session of conference and I was at home for my mother's birthday party.

Then we went to the Haunted Forest with a bunch of friends!! It was so fun :) :) Oh man, I just love Brady! He's so amazing. I have no idea how I got so lucky with him. He's so sweet and kind and giving and SUCH a gentleman. I can't even explain! I have been thinking a lot lately about him serving a mission and how much I'm going to miss him and how hard and long, but then random moments will come and I get so excited to get letters and hear about his amazing adventures and talley up my cute countdown :) He's going to change so many lives and I know this will be so good for him to go! I love him so much, and I know I want to be with him. It's so crazy how everything happened between us, but I couldn't be happier. I know I couldn't. I look at other boys here at college and other places, and I wonder what it would be like to be with them, but then I think of what I would lose with Brady. How different I would be treated. Things I like with Brady, I wouldn't find in other boys, and instantly those boys leave my mind, and Brady just consumes it. I've never experienced that with anyone before. I love him :) I hope he had a wonderful birthday!!

Happy Birthday Mom!!

Today is my mother's birthday! :) :)


So my mother is someone so special :) :) She's just amazing and I love her! I was thinking about how sad it is that time just flies by... how quickly life is happening and how fast I'm growing up! But I love my mom :) I was so lucky to come home this weekend to celebrate it with her! We had family over on Saturday night to celebrate and it was good :) Then today it was just quiet, and relaxed and I'm sure she enjoyed herself! I love my mom, and I will never want anyone else to be my mom, but her!!