1 Year

This post is a little for venting, and a tribute as well.

I cannot believe a year ago today, my life went down a very rocky road.

Today is the day my dear friend Nathan Andrew Edgar passed away. :(

I never wanted this day to come. Since the day I found out, I never wanted it to be a day since he was gone, a week, a month, a couple months, half a year, and even a year... But I can't control time. I wonder why it has to just fly by the way it does.. I have so many memories and can remember things SO WELL everyday after I found out. I can remember that week, PERFECTLY. As if it was yesterday..

I can't believe he's gone. I miss him terribly. Every day. It's gotten a little easier, well a lot easier compared to how I used to be the first months, but it's still hard. I feel like I'm secretly suffering sometimes. There are days where I can go without thinking about it, and be happy and enjoy life. But then there are those days that I just can't stop thinking about him, and I just feel like there's so much I still gotta work through and move on from. It's been a journey, I can tell you that.

I have a good friend, Sam. Andy & I met him at EFY. He was in our group too! We all became the three amigos that entire week and it was so fun!! I loved every minute of it because of them :) I have many great memories and pictures and such! Anyway, he lives in California. He got his mission call I think in September, and he's serving the Colorado Denver, North mission. Today was his farewell and Wednesday is when he leaves. I cannot believe it! :/ I remember talking to him about it last summer and knowing he had so long before he could even start his papers, and now he's leaving for two years in just three days. He called me yesterday (Sunday) and read me his talk he gave in sacrament. (It was really good!) Not a lot of people understand what it's like to go through a loss of a friend, but Sam does. I've been having mixed feelings of him leaving on his mission because I feel like the last part I have of Andy is leaving for two years. No communication but letters, but I think this will be good. I can do this. I'm proud of Sam.

Anyway, he was able to fly out in one day to come to dear Andy's funeral with me. It was so sweet of his dad to let him and it was just one day I'll never forget! It was also the hardest..

So even though I could go on about more of the sad stuff, and just sit and complain about how I miss him and such, I'm not going to. (I'll save that for my journal ;)...) I'm going to write about all the happy memories and moments from Andy's & I relationship/friendship!! :)

This is where I kind of first met Andy! We were chosen, (along with Roger and Guilia) to make the banner for our company. He was so funny I remember, and he did a lot of the painting. I think that's when we became pals :)


This was the first dance that we kind of starting becoming even better friends. This is Sam, Andy, Brogan, Me, & Lexi at the dance!


I remember this picture like it was yesterday. We were walking linked arm in arm and there was this camera looking thing (except it wasn't a camera) that a construction worker had out, and as we walked to our company spot we all said, "Work it work it, own it own it" and then "follow the yellow brick road!" Hahahahaha this is Sam, Me, Brogan, Lexi & Andy


Our company - "Real Intent" (Moroni 10:4 and 5)


This is Sam, Andy & I in the auditorium for some instructions on the service project. This is where Andy started to open up to me :) He was so sweet and just telling me things. I remember he would tease me about how tired I was and then he told me, "My shoulder is hear to rest on if you want" Hahaha I remember thinking, wow, hahaha and then I said, "thanks!" And from then on, our relationship started :)


This is more instruction for the service project. I love this picture :) It's my favorite! I have a copy of it in my wallet! My mom loves this picture. It means a lot to me.


Hahaha they were arguing over which was better. Sam is West side, Andy is East side and I decided to be both :)


This is my second favorite picture! :) (On Lexi's facebook he commented after I said, this is cute! He said, yeah except for me, we both look so tired! I remember laughing.. he teased me so much!) This is us during the service project. He was so cute that day. He told me I could lay on his arm, or his leg if I was tired and I remember thinking it was so sweet of him and stuff. That's when I really started to like him!


This is our finished product :) Lexi, Sam, Andy, Me and Michael


These are my favorite pictures of Sam, Andy & I
This was the last dance of the week. I remember I danced with Sam and he asked me if I liked Andy as more than a friend and asked me how my week was and all that jazz. Then the next slow song, Andy came and asked me to dance and I remember feeling so happy! He then said, "So I'm pretty sure you like me." and I just kind of gave him a look, and he said, "It's okay, cause I feel the same way." And then we talked more about it and I just remember feeling happier than ever at that moment!! He was such a sweet boy and I felt lucky to have met him!



This is the three amigos at the end of the week slide show. I remember this moment like none other. Andy was so cute!! During the slide show they were playing this song by Hilary Weeks, "One By One" and it talks about Christ knowing us one by one and Andy turned to me and said, "I'm that one" and I remember thinking, wow. The spirit has really touched his heart. (Even during testimony meeting he just cried during his testimony and it was so real and intense. I remember writing him a letter)


Hardest goodbye. We woke up the next morning at six and finished reading as a company. He brought a blanket and came and sat next to me. We then hugged and he left and I remember feeling sad like I wasn't ever going to see him again. Then on the way home I heard this song called Fallin' For You by Colbie Calliat (it had just come out) and I thought of him.

Now, I now I've just posted about a lot, but those are some happy memories :) One last one I have is when he took me to the musical "Scarlet Pimpernail" with his family. I just remember pulling up at the drop off and there he was, standing as handsome as ever, with a smile on his face because he saw me. We went inside and sat the whole time. And he even held my hand :) We didn't sit by his family but I still got to meet them. They've very sweet. (I still stay in touch with them now, and even thought I've only met them a few times, they still mean very much to me.) After the fact we went to dinner and it was just him and I sitting in a booth and his family sat somewhere else. It was fun!! :) He dropped me off at home and he met my parents and I just remember thinking I had the best day ever!! :) I also loved it when we would talk on the phone at night and he would call and text me through messenger.

I truly knew I was sent to help him through whatever at the time I did. He was such a good friend to me and I really miss him. I miss hearing his voice and talking with him on the phone. I miss seeing his smiling face and just talking to him. I miss knowing the chance to see him again in person will never happen until Heaven. I'm learning to accept it. I thank the Lord everyday I had the wonderful opportunity to attend that session at EFY and meet him, know him for as long as I did, and then learn from his passing. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish he were here. I love him and I miss him. I care so much about him and his family. They were kind enough to send me some memorable things that have helped me, if any of them ever read this, I hope they know how thankful I am for them sending me those sketches of Andy & Christ. I've done so much for Andy. I created a t-shirt logo and I corporated his rose into it, then I signed my final ASL project song to Why by Rascal Flatts in his behalf. It's powerful. (It's on youtube, Why - Rascal Flatts - ASL). Anway, I love and miss him and I know he's in Heavenly Father's care. One year down, I'm proud of myself.

I love and miss you Andy!