Time Doesn't Pause For Anyone

Well here is the belated post and it's long.
I had a very wonderful Thanksgiving break and yes, I spent a lot of it with Brady :)
I loved every moment that I had!

I came home early from school on Monday and we spent time together then, Tuesday and Wednesday! We watched movies, played games, went places, spent time with family. It was great :) For Thanksgiving, he went to his family and I went to mine. We both had a wonderful holiday and got together later that night. I went Black Friday shopping with my family and I had a lot of fun! Then Brady and I got together the next day and just hungout some more.

I remember feeling a tad nervous and scared because Saturday was coming and that was the last official day I could spend with him. Saturday came and it was wonderful :) We got together and watched the BYU/UTAH football game. We then finished his talk and we ate dinner. I wanted so badly to make sure I went to Temple Square before he left, and that's what we did! It was THE best. We weren't there for very long considering how cold it was and he was starting to get sick anyways. We walked around took lots of pictures, and then drove home. It was so special because that's the Temple I love, and want to be married in, and I love Brady and want to marry him. I know I'm going to. There isn't a doubt about it in my mind. Anyway, we went home and watched a movie.

My heart broke that night. I did such a good job holding it in all week long so I could show how supportive I was and keep a happy face on, but I cried. I felt really bad crying in front of him, but I couldn't help it. It was the last night to be with my babe and it was ending. He took me home and I just remember hugging my mom and crying.

Here are some photos of Temple Square 2010 :)

The next day was Brady's "See You Later." I'm so glad they don't use the term, farewell anymore. It sounds so depressing. He did a WONDERFUL job. I went to my cousins see you later earlier that morning and he did just as good. I was anticipating Brady's see you later and it was driving me crazy how slow the day was going. I love that my mom always said, "Just like a bandaid, rip it off fast." And that's what I wanted to happen with Brady's see you later, and him leaving for two years. He did amazing on his talk and had me crying. He was crying himself and I loved the stories he told. He had a great turn out with a lot of friends and family members coming to show their support!

Elder Brady Ziegler :)

Brady and his Uncle Mike!

Brady & his parents

Brady & I

Right before we said our goodbyes...

His get together at his house after was really good. We all ate some food and just gathered together and spent some time with everyone. It was really good but I knew the clock was ticking. I was starting to tear up every now and then and I just kept holding Brady's hand, we were just waiting for the time that my dad would be coming. Slowly one by one his family left. His sweet Aunt Jody and Uncle Mike are so kind and asked how I was doing and gave me a hug. Jody told me of when she sent off a missionary and how hard she remembers it being.
I couldn't hold it in and started to cry. I was leaving at 5 to go back to school and 4:30 was approaching. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I cried. My father texted me and said he was on his way. We stood outside waiting for my dad to come and I just cried, holding his hand tighter than I ever have before. My dad finally came and he walked me to my car... (I think I might cry just typing this). I put my things in the car and just turned around and bawled. I hugged him so tightly and just bawled. I let everything out. I promised him I'd be here when he got back and I asked him to promise he'd come back for me. I haven't had a heartbreak like that in a really long time. My heart just wanted to hold on and marry him. I love him. I LOVE HIM. That moment I wished I could have frozen. I looked at him and he kissed me a few times and we hugged again and I looked at him with tears in his eyes and I said, "I love you okay? Promise you'll come back for me?" And he told me yes and that he loved me too. He opened my door, I got in the car, and I kissed him one last time before he shut the door (in the mean time, but father got out of the car to go shake his hand) and he looked at me and mouthed, "I love you" and then shut to door, and I let it all go. I bawled, loud, hard, long... you can just imagine.. I swear I lost my sweet Andy all over again it was that heartbreaking. He shook my dads hand and went inside. I cried for a little at home and my mother talked to me and calmed me down. We left for Ephraim and I made it back safely. My father gave me a blessing before we left and I need to trust it. I need to turn to my father for comfort and that's what the scriptures are for as well. My roommates are wonderful girls and have been helping me through this as well!

I've been doing just fine lately but tomorrow I'm going to crack. He gets set apart at 7 and leaves the next morning. I imagine I'll cry this whole weekend and it'll get terrible at nights but that's expected. I have wonderful friends and family who support me are going to be there for me through this. I hope that if Brady sees this, that he knows how proud I am of him. I'm sorry for explaining how heartbroken I feel and how much I'm going to miss him but I need to get it out. He's going to be one amazing missionary, and I know that with school, church, work and other things, I can stay busy and get done what the Lord needs me too. Time is going. It's flying and before I know it, he'll be back. I'm proud of how far he's come, considering what he's been through. As hard as it is, it's right. When something is hard for us to do, that just proves its the right thing to do. The Lord knows my heart. It breaks his heart that I'm pain but he loves me enough to have brought Brady into my life. He just needs him for two years. TWO years; that's it. I can no longer feel selfish, I can only feel and hope that he'll give everyone the gift that I feel when I read and pray everyday.

I love you babe!!!! Good luck!!! Write me as soon as you can :)

Read With Me Challenge

So I have a good friend named Megan, and her sister-in-law put together a Read With Me Challenge and it's been REALLY good for me :) I have loved every minute of it! She's had us read the Book of Mormon every day since November 8, (till December 31) and we read 10 pages a day. It isn't too bad and it's just perfect for me. Some days I get a little lazy and forget to read or I just flat out forget, but I ALWAYS catch up. There have been a few times where Satan has tempted me to just stop and not continue this challenge because I'm already behind 20 pages, or to not read today because I'm tired and I "need sleep" or whatever excuse he tries to get me to believe. But in the end he never wins. He will never win. (That's the name of another blog post on my blog!)

We're in Mosiah right now and I'm loving it! I'm catching up on my reading tonight since I missed yesterday because of Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping, but I came across a verse in chapter 7 and it's verse 33.

It reads, "But if ye will turn to the Lord with a full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage."

Did you just think, woah like I did? Yeah. I'm thinking the same thing. I've got to get this printed off and put a copy of it on my wall. I know I can do anything with the Lord. Wow, what a powerful scripture to just POP out at me! I need to start doing that. Take my frustrations, worries, heartaches, anger, doubts, fears, questions, and everything else to my Heavenly Father, my sweet Heavenly Father. Whose heart is always tender, loving, forgiving, merciful, righteously judgmental, kind, happy, proud of me. He will help me. Goodness, there isn't a day that goes by that I always remember, "this is HIS will, NOT mine" or "I need to do what Heavenly Father wants and needs me to do, not what I think I should, I need to counsel with him, if this is a direction in my life I should take."

It's amazing what the scriptures can do by just simply reading so much a day. I remember when she first started this challenge she stated, "Let's welcome power and amazing blessings into our lives together. I guarantee it'll change you." And at first I was just thinking, okay, I can take on this challenge, I really want to hold her to it and see if I can witness the blessings and miracles.

Well, I have; she kept her word. I haven't witnessed physical miracles, or seen any angels. But I have felt them. And that's miracle enough for me! I can't tell you how much comfort I've felt when I come across verses like the one I did today. It's seriously like contentment just FILLS my heart and I feel relaxed and it's nice to know that, through the arguments, and wars, and fighting in the scripture, my Heavenly Father is looking out for me enough to throw in a few scriptures or two with reminders like the one I read today. It's so nice, and that's the miracles I've witnessed. That's the change I've felt in my heart. I'm so glad I took on this challenge and I am proud of myself for sticking to it even when Satan tried really hard.

These last couple days have been hard, and I know they'll only get harder because Brady is leaving and I'm just struggling with my friends, and I have to go back and focus on my finals. Sheesh! I hope they go by fast so I can come home again for winter break! I just know these scriptures will help me. I'm ready to put my all in turning to them and depending on them and the council they give me for these next couple weeks. With the Lord by my side, I know I can do anything. <3

I hope something wonderful like this happens again next year! If not, maybe I'll do it again by myself :) In the sacred name of our Beloved Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

(Oh! P.S. Guess what is up starting today?!?!?! LIGHTS DOWNTOWN!!!!! YAHOOO :) And guess who will try to be there every night (I wish..), ME!!! Hahahaha :) I love Temple Square!)

1 Week & Missing

What a day it has been!

I came home this weekend because my boyfriend was going through the Temple! :) I am SO proud of him and how far he's come. He chose the Jordan River Temple (which I call "my little Temple" haha) which was beautiful :) It was windy and looked like it was going to rain but it wasn't too bad. The timing was perfect for me. I bawled; like a baby. I remember walking inside the Temple. Now, my love for the Jordan River Temple is unlike any other love. I love it so much. It's been my little/home Temple for as long as I can remember and I truly feel at home when I'm there. It seriously has been SO long since I've been there. Anyway, knowing that as I walked in, I was instantly overwhelmed by the Spirit of my very loving Heavenly Father. As I stood there I just couldn't get over the smell. There's just something about the smell of the LDS Temples that just gets me. It seeps into my heart and just chokes me up. Nothing in the whole wide world smells the way the Temple does and causes the Spirit to surround me.

I stood in the waiting area for Brady to come. I arrived about 10-15 minutes early. There was a wedding so there was a lot of people inside. Once the bride and groom came out, they piled the family outside and then called for the bride and groom. The second that I heard everyone cheering and congratulating and I saw the bride and groom kiss, I just cracked. I couldn't hold it in any longer and I started to cry. That is what the Temple is about. That is why I've always had my number one goal as getting married in the Temple. That is why getting sealed in the Lord's house for time and all eternity is so important. That is why I can't wait to be with Brady forever. I turned my head the other way and I instantly saw Brady standing there in the back talking with family members and ready to go. I cried even more! I can't believe what he just experienced. To be honest, I felt like I was in bondage. Like I had sinned or something I wasn't allowed to be in there. I truly wasn't because I haven't been endowed yet, but I just wanted so badly to run to him and hug him. And cry and tell him how proud I am of him and that I love him, and that I can't wait for him to help others have the opportunity to experience what he did, and feel the love of the Spirit like I had. I know he needs to go, and I can't wait to hear about his mission!!

I patiently waited and tried to hold back the tears so when he came out he wouldn't see. He finally came out and I walked up to him and was a little hesitant to hug him. I felt like I wasn't allowed to, like he had been set apart or something. He was like a new person. A new, better, holier son of God and he looked so happy :) He was crying a little bit and told me he was so close to just bawling (which then of course made me cry) and I just hugged his arm as we were walking. I couldn't believe it. The Temple is just amazing and I wish I could experience this morning all over again!

Here is a photo of us, once we got home :)

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Well, one last thing. I've been missing Andy a lot lately. I don't know if it's the holidays, or if it's because his birthday is the day after Christmas, or because Brady is leaving, or just because I miss him.

I watched the episode of Oprah when she had Marie Osmond visit and share about her son who had taken his own life. I connected SO well it was almost too well. She talked about how she wished she would have answered the phone hours before he was gone. I, myself have that very same wish. It was really tough at first trying to get over the fact that Andy's actions weren't my fault and that I can't beat myself over not answering the phone when he called. I've been so much better :) I think about him a lot, and some days it gets bad, and some days its good. When people find out, or ask, or I tell them, I get this happy feeling inside of how lucky I was to have known him when I did. To have met him and experienced what I did. One thing that stuck out from what Marie told Oprah, she said, "I told him that I'd be back Monday and that everything would be okay." She paused and then said, "Depression doesn't wait till Monday." And I just wanted to cry. That statement is MORE than just true. Click here to view a clip from that episode. I believe everyone should watch it, not just those who have lost someone.

I was watching this tv show and this girl was explaining about how she had died and come back, and witnessed life after death. She described it as this really bright, white light waiting for her. There was a woman who took her by the hand and started walking towards the light. She said it was, "the most peaceful, happiest, calming light I'd ever seen." - After that, I thought to myself... what if Andy felt that way? What if he was happy to finally feel that way again. And to feel the way with our Heavenly Father? I don't blame him. I'm sure it is the best feeling in the world. It still doesn't defeat that fact that some days I still do have a hard time, and miss him. But it gave me peace and I finally said to myself, ya know what? Whether or not he experienced that, I know he's feeling much better than he did hear on Earth and I know he's working with Heavenly Father. I really hope my parents let me visit his grave on his birthday!! Anyway, I love you Andy!

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One last thing, I miss my family. Holy smokes! I feel like these last couple weeks of my semester are draaaaaaagging on!! They won't go fast enough. I'm so grateful and excited for this Thanksgiving week! I only have classes on Monday so I get to come home on Monday and be with my family till the 28th! It's going to be awesome :) It'll be hard. It's my last week with Brady but I'm determined to make it the best!! I'm also going to see the lights downtown at Temple Square with Brady before he goes :) AND, I'm going to see A Christmas Carol with my family on the 21st and then my sister and her husband are staying at our house for Christmas!! I cannot wait :) I'm seeing my best friend over Christmas break, hanging out with cousins and family. Oh man, this really is the best time of the year!!! I'm so excited to be with my family this week :) I love them very much. Having snow falling, Christmas music playing, Christmas decoration-putting up going on in my home, Christmas candles, being together with my family.. It's making my heart explode with contentment. I love this time of year (subtract the cold though!) :)

Anyway, I hope everyone has a fantastic and safe Thanksgiving week! :)

Farewells? Or see you laters?

So this is a post I've been taking my time to make.

I'm going to be saying a lot in this post, so brace yourself ;)

So I only have a month left of my first semester of college. What!?! It's so crazy! But I'm happy. I've come a long way and I've been through a lot. I'm proud of myself :) My classes this semester have been awesome and really good for me. I can't wait till next semester! I'm taking English, Courtship & Marriage, Human Development, Math 1010 and an Institute class, but I'm not sure which one! College has been good for me. Even though I miss my family like CRAZY every single day, I know that this is where I need to be in my life right now, and I need to start living for me and take my own life a little off the path of my families and do what my Heavenly Father needs me to.

I only have one more week till Thanksgiving break and I cannot wait!! I am so excited to be with my family (both sides) and see my cousins! I've missed them all so much! That's the last week I'll be spending real time with Brady before he leaves. I hope it's the best week ever! :)

"See you later Snow College (in 3 weeks!)" :/

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So last week, my roommates and I went out to dinner and while eating, we decided we wanted to take a random trip down south! :) It was only 7:00 p.m. and so we had time to go and make it back for class at 10:30 (9:30 for my roommates). It was Kiera, Mars, Whitney & I that went. We drove down to SUU to visit some friends and say hello and just be in more of a city area than Ephraim is! It was way fun! We visited some of Whitney's friends, and then one of Mars' friends let us stay at their place for the night. We headed back in the morning and made it just in time for class :) It was way fun, such an adventure and one I'm glad I went on! Here are some photos of the experience!

"See you later SUU!" :)

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I went home this last weekend. It was really good for me. I've been in Ephraim way too long (at least for me) and I needed to get out! Jade & I left at about 10:00 in the morning and headed for West Jordan!! I was so excited when we reached the point of the mountain! I love my home and my family and my dog, and Brady and my friends. I got home early and was able to enjoy a lot more time than I would if I left at usual time, with Brady! As soon as I got home I just hugged and kissed my dog lots and was so happy to see him :)

He is my best friend ;) He's my pal and I miss seeing him all the time! Anyway, I spent time with Brady and then came home early and visited with my family and hungout with them. It was nice and I loved every minute of it.

Saturday I just spent time with Brady and his family and we just hungout and watched some movies :)

Sunday came and we went to our dear friend, Quinn's farewell. It was awesome! I have a friend named Tait that I've known since the 8th grade and he was speaking before Quinn in the same Sacrament meeting. It was awesome. They both did such a GREAT job! They both cried, which I loved. Haha, but they both felt the Spirit and are truly excited to go and you can just tell. Quinn cried and just was so grateful and happy everyone came out to support him that could. It was nice to see him and go to farewells. I miss church. I haven't gone in a long time! I'm so grateful for missionaries and their example and Spirit :)

"See you later home (and Quinn!)" :)

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Well I've been going through a lot lately. And especially spiritually. My friend Megan's sister-in-law is doing a Read With Me Challenge and she has us reading the Book of Mormon everyday, just ten pages starting in 1 Nephi. I knew this was what I needed, an answer to my prayer. I've been doing it and it's been amazing for me! I got behind a little bit this weekend and ended up having to read twenty pages last night just to be caught up. I prayed so much during it because I felt unfocused and didn't want to read. I knew that this meant I needed to stay on top of my reading and that I needed to make it important in my life.

Some of my favorite verses I read last night are:

" 30 Rejoice, O my ^aheart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the ^brock of my salvation.

31 O Lord, wilt thou ^aredeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of ^bsin?

32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my ^aheart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may ^bwalk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy ^arighteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine ^benemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

34 O Lord, I have ^atrusted in thee, and I will ^btrust in thee forever. I will not put my ^ctrust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his ^dtrust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

35 Yea, I know that God will give ^aliberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ^bask ^cnot amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the ^drock of my ^erighteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen."
(2 Nephi 4)

"3 For the Lord shall ^acomfort ^bZion, he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her ^cwilderness like ^dEden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving and the voice of melody."
(2 Nephi 8)

"13 O how great the ^aplan of our God! For on the other hand, the ^bparadise of God must deliver up the spirits of the righteous, and the grave deliver up the body of the righteous; and the spirit and the body is ^crestored to itself again, and all men become incorruptible, and ^dimmortal, and they are living souls, having a ^eperfect ^fknowledge like unto us in the flesh, save it be that our knowledge shall be perfect."
(2 Nephi 9)

" 20 And now, my beloved brethren, seeing that our merciful God has given us so great knowledge concerning these things, let us remember him, and lay aside our sins, and not hang down our heads, for we are not cast off; nevertheless, we have been ^adriven out of the land of our inheritance; but we have been led to a ^bbetter land, for the Lord has made the sea our ^cpath, and we are upon an ^disle of the sea.

21 But great are the promises of the Lord unto them who are upon the ^aisles of the sea; wherefore as it says isles, there must needs be more than this, and they are inhabited also by our brethren.

22 For behold, the Lord God has ^aled away from time to time from the house of Israel, according to his will and pleasure. And now behold, the Lord remembereth all them who have been broken off, wherefore he remembereth us also.

23 Therefore, ^acheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are ^bfree to ^cact for yourselves—to ^dchoose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.

24 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, ^areconcile yourselves to the ^bwill of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the ^cgrace of God that ye are ^dsaved.

25 Wherefore, may God ^araise you from death by the power of the resurrection, and also from everlasting death by the power of the ^batonement, that ye may be received into the ^ceternal kingdom of God, that ye may praise him through grace divine. Amen."
(2 Nephi 10)

I loved everything that I read last night. It was so good. I know I need to Spirit of the Lord. My apartment finally got a copy of the General Conference edition and I cannot wait to read it!

Neither "farewell or see you laters" to the scriptures! You're here to stay forever! :)

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After a crazy weekend, I came back to school Monday morning and my mother came with me. I loved driving to Ephraim just me and my mother. We had an awesome conversation. I love spending time with my mom and just talking to her. She was able to come inside and see my apartment and where I live and it was nice. I loved it!

I wasn't wanting to be in Ephraim just yet for one more week. Mondays in Ephraim are the worst! But, I had to be there and I knew it would go by fast. Around 10:30 I was sitting in my math class and my phone started ringing. It was a 435 number and I knew it was something with the college. So I walked out of class and answered it. It was a man who interviewed me for a computer job in the Library and he was calling me to tell me that he was offering me the job and that I should stop by to fill out some paperwork! I was stoked! I've been waiting for about 3 weeks to hear a response and I got the job!! Basically, I work any hours at the Library and I sit on a computer and self-teach the programs on there and if a student is using it and needs help, then I help them. Basically, it's going to be a fun job and I get paid pretty well :) It turned out to be a great day!

"See you later unemployed Ashley!" :)

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I can't believe how fast life is going and before you know it, Brady will be home from his mission :) Goodness I can't believe he's leaving in just three weeks. Some days I feel sad but I have a wonderful friend named Megan who has been helping me a lot. I know I can turn to her for anything, and for that I'm eternally grateful! She wrote me some things in an email I sent her that really got me thinking of how I should start living my life and how much I need to start depending on the Lord. I know this experience with Brady leaving and finals will be hard but I know it'll be a good one and definitely for my benefit.

Anyway, I had a good weekend and learned a lot. Brady is going through the Temple on Saturday and I'm proud of him! A post and pictures will be coming up soon for that as well.

"See you soon (and later in 3 weeks) Babe!!" :) :) :) :*

That's what's been going on in my neck of the woods!!

How's life for you?

"Satan Will Not Win" - Elder Richard G. Scott

(Again, this is a venting/expressing spiritual testimony post.)

Goodness I've had such a rough week! I didn't go home this weekend, and I'm feeling quite homesick. Brady leaves in 3 weeks and it has just been getting to me badly. I'm so glad I'll get to be with my family two weeks after he leaves!

Tonight I couldn't get to sleep, (that is why I'm posting at 1:15 in the morning) and I turned to my scriptures. It pounded in my head over and over again. What could I do to help me get to sleep? Read. I know reading makes me tired. But I didn't run to my "Miracles of Forgiveness" book, I turned to my scriptures. I knew the Lord and the scriptures would bring me comfort and I did it without hesitation. I was crying and I felt really overwhelmed because my parents were asleep, as well as Brady and my close friends. I've been reading on my own in Genesis, so nothing in the chapter that I was reading was helping me, but I read the whole chapter anyway. It wasn't until I started praying that I felt calm and stopped crying. I read a blog a couple days ago and their post was on Faith. They turned to the Lord in prayer, just like I did tonight, and I instantly thought of that post. They were right. Prayer does help and Heavenly Father is truly listening to me. He knows my heart and he is in pain when I am.

I finally just confessed what I was feeling (even though he already knows) and I just expressed a bunch of things. I ended my prayer and stopped crying. I turned on my church music and laid in my bed for a few minutes. I've never felt so relaxed in my life after a prayer. I still couldn't sleep so I decided to watch the CES fireside that happened tonight, that unfortunately I didn't attend. Luckily, the church is watching out for people like me and posts the video online, and that's what this post is all about.

This was amazing! I loved this CES Fireside message. I've been truly suffering without the Lord in my life lately. I haven't been reading my scriptures and praying everyday. I haven't been to church, a full three hours, in a long time. I miss it so badly. He talks about not letting Satan get to us, and a bunch of other commitment stuff. It was good. I just knew as soon as it started that this message would be for me tonight, and it was. Here is the video. Please watch, it's worth it. No matter the age!


I love this poem he shares,
"A mighty wind blew night and day.
It stole the oak trees leaves away.
Then snapped its bows, and pulled its bark,
until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground,
while other trees, fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke, "How
can you still be standing oak?" The oak tree
said, "I know that you can break each branch
of mine in two, carry every leaf away, shake my limbs
and my leafs sway. But I have roots stretched in the
earth, growing stronger since my birth.
You'll never touch them, for you see,
they are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn't sure, of just how much I could
endure. But now I've found, with thanks to you,
I'm stronger than I ever knew."

I know I confess my feelings a lot about how far away from the spirit I've been lately, and my trials. I apologize if it is uncomfortable for you (you = my readers) and I hope you can understand that I use this as a journal somewhat and a place to express things because it's harder for me to write down on paper than it is to type and publish and be done. I appreciate my family members and the church members and authorities that have been there for me. I feel your love and after tonight, I know my Father in Heaven loves me and will help me have a better week.

Satan, Will Not Win. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Getting Closer & Having to Get Stronger!

Recipe and then some venting.

Enjoy :)

So this is a picture of the delicious pumpkin bread I made last night :) I was craving it way bad, and so I went to the store, bought the mix pre-made, then I added the eggs, water, and chocolate chips (which are optional) and I bought a bread pan cause it was really late and I didn't want to go to the neighbors. Anyway, it took about 30-35 minutes to make and it made the entire place smell of pumpkin spice :) Mmmm, it was so good! It even tasted amazing :) My roommates and I loved it!

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Now onto the real reason for this post.

Brady is leaving soon, and I'm going crazy.

I never thought reality would hit me this hard with Brady leaving on a mission. I feel it literally everyday. My love and care for him grows stronger everyday. I have so many mixed feelings about him leaving, it's more than I've ever experienced! I'm so excited and I'm so proud of him :) I know this is going to be a once in a lifetime experience for him and I know he needs to go.

I love Brady, and I care very much about him. I found this website, Waiting For A Missionary and it has been pretty helpful. There were some things I had to stop looking at because I started to feel overwhelmed and sad and I knew that if I looked at it any longer, I'd get sad. But there were other pages on the website that got me excited, and had wonderful and cute ideas of things to do for myself and the missionary. It's going to be hard and I'm dreading the first 6 months because that's when everyone says it's just extremely hard. But one thing I've heard constantly from everyone is to stay busy!

Holy cow. I've never heard that so much in my life! I believe it though and I'm truly going to stick to it. I'm going to create goals and lists of things I want to accomplish, should do, and want to do while Brady is gone. I keep losing myself in him and the whole idea of him leaving on a mission, and I'm forgetting of what I need to do for myself. I need to focus on me, my school work, growing closer to Heavenly Father, keeping myself healthy and staying in touch with my family (and soon his). I truly need to start rearranging my priorities. Not that Brady isn't one of the most important, because he definitely is right now. I just need to change things so that when he leaves, it isn't so bad.

I feel bad because I'm always writing/venting about Brady and how much I love him and how much I can't believe he's leaving soon, but I guess all I need to do is to start being more positive! I guess that'll be my number one goal this month. I truly am excited and deep down inside, whether Brady & I workout in the end, this is what is best and we'll both be grateful he went. He has so many days left and I've spent most of them here in Ephraim which I guess is good because being away from him is something I've gotten used to. But then I also am sad because I wish I could be spending time with him. Missionaries are amazing people, and there is so much I need to be working on right now.

A girl in my Family Relations class today said, "Someone told me that you need to know what real heartbreak is before you fall in love with someone." And it got me thinking. Have I gone through that to let myself fall in love with Brady? And I believe I have. I won't mention names but there is one particular event that isn't so old and it was the hardest heartbreak. With Brady, I'm not so sure, but I can think of one. I really appreciate that comment because I truly believe it. I've been on that website and it's helped me. I've been reading the successful stories and girls were in similar situations like me and it's nice to know of support out there and that it can happen. It's helping me believe in myself.

So many of my friends are leaving soon and are leaving now. Quinn is leaving to Argentina on November 17th, Brady is leaving December 2nd. Jaron is leaving to Georgia December 15th as well as my cousin to Hawaii, and Brandon to Washington! Next up in line will be Bryant, Jake, Matt, & Megan!! I'm so proud of all of them but it's weird for them to be leaving. I'm so young and I wish I was going too!

So here I'm going, leaving this blog post and going to create a list of things I want to accomplish, things I need to do and good daily reminders. I'm completely turning to the Lord, I know he'll help me through this.

Brady... You're going to be amazing, and I'm so proud of you for going. I love you and I can't wait for you to leave and be completely in the hands of the Lord. I'm ready for this challenge (whether I seem like it or not) and I'm ready to face it head on. We can do this. You're going to be amazing, and you're my best friend! Always :)