Goodness I've had such a rough week! I didn't go home this weekend, and I'm feeling quite homesick. Brady leaves in 3 weeks and it has just been getting to me badly. I'm so glad I'll get to be with my family two weeks after he leaves!
Tonight I couldn't get to sleep, (that is why I'm posting at 1:15 in the morning) and I turned to my scriptures. It pounded in my head over and over again. What could I do to help me get to sleep? Read. I know reading makes me tired. But I didn't run to my "Miracles of Forgiveness" book, I turned to my scriptures. I knew the Lord and the scriptures would bring me comfort and I did it without hesitation. I was crying and I felt really overwhelmed because my parents were asleep, as well as Brady and my close friends. I've been reading on my own in Genesis, so nothing in the chapter that I was reading was helping me, but I read the whole chapter anyway. It wasn't until I started praying that I felt calm and stopped crying. I read a blog a couple days ago and their post was on Faith. They turned to the Lord in prayer, just like I did tonight, and I instantly thought of that post. They were right. Prayer does help and Heavenly Father is truly listening to me. He knows my heart and he is in pain when I am.
I finally just confessed what I was feeling (even though he already knows) and I just expressed a bunch of things. I ended my prayer and stopped crying. I turned on my church music and laid in my bed for a few minutes. I've never felt so relaxed in my life after a prayer. I still couldn't sleep so I decided to watch the CES fireside that happened tonight, that unfortunately I didn't attend. Luckily, the church is watching out for people like me and posts the video online, and that's what this post is all about.
This was amazing! I loved this CES Fireside message. I've been truly suffering without the Lord in my life lately. I haven't been reading my scriptures and praying everyday. I haven't been to church, a full three hours, in a long time. I miss it so badly. He talks about not letting Satan get to us, and a bunch of other commitment stuff. It was good. I just knew as soon as it started that this message would be for me tonight, and it was. Here is the video. Please watch, it's worth it. No matter the age!
I love this poem he shares,
"A mighty wind blew night and day.
It stole the oak trees leaves away.
Then snapped its bows, and pulled its bark,
until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground,
while other trees, fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke, "How
can you still be standing oak?" The oak tree
said, "I know that you can break each branch
of mine in two, carry every leaf away, shake my limbs
and my leafs sway. But I have roots stretched in the
earth, growing stronger since my birth.
You'll never touch them, for you see,
they are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn't sure, of just how much I could
endure. But now I've found, with thanks to you,
I'm stronger than I ever knew."
I know I confess my feelings a lot about how far away from the spirit I've been lately, and my trials. I apologize if it is uncomfortable for you (you = my readers) and I hope you can understand that I use this as a journal somewhat and a place to express things because it's harder for me to write down on paper than it is to type and publish and be done. I appreciate my family members and the church members and authorities that have been there for me. I feel your love and after tonight, I know my Father in Heaven loves me and will help me have a better week.
Satan, Will Not Win. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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