Getting Closer & Having to Get Stronger!

Recipe and then some venting.

Enjoy :)

So this is a picture of the delicious pumpkin bread I made last night :) I was craving it way bad, and so I went to the store, bought the mix pre-made, then I added the eggs, water, and chocolate chips (which are optional) and I bought a bread pan cause it was really late and I didn't want to go to the neighbors. Anyway, it took about 30-35 minutes to make and it made the entire place smell of pumpkin spice :) Mmmm, it was so good! It even tasted amazing :) My roommates and I loved it!

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Now onto the real reason for this post.

Brady is leaving soon, and I'm going crazy.

I never thought reality would hit me this hard with Brady leaving on a mission. I feel it literally everyday. My love and care for him grows stronger everyday. I have so many mixed feelings about him leaving, it's more than I've ever experienced! I'm so excited and I'm so proud of him :) I know this is going to be a once in a lifetime experience for him and I know he needs to go.

I love Brady, and I care very much about him. I found this website, Waiting For A Missionary and it has been pretty helpful. There were some things I had to stop looking at because I started to feel overwhelmed and sad and I knew that if I looked at it any longer, I'd get sad. But there were other pages on the website that got me excited, and had wonderful and cute ideas of things to do for myself and the missionary. It's going to be hard and I'm dreading the first 6 months because that's when everyone says it's just extremely hard. But one thing I've heard constantly from everyone is to stay busy!

Holy cow. I've never heard that so much in my life! I believe it though and I'm truly going to stick to it. I'm going to create goals and lists of things I want to accomplish, should do, and want to do while Brady is gone. I keep losing myself in him and the whole idea of him leaving on a mission, and I'm forgetting of what I need to do for myself. I need to focus on me, my school work, growing closer to Heavenly Father, keeping myself healthy and staying in touch with my family (and soon his). I truly need to start rearranging my priorities. Not that Brady isn't one of the most important, because he definitely is right now. I just need to change things so that when he leaves, it isn't so bad.

I feel bad because I'm always writing/venting about Brady and how much I love him and how much I can't believe he's leaving soon, but I guess all I need to do is to start being more positive! I guess that'll be my number one goal this month. I truly am excited and deep down inside, whether Brady & I workout in the end, this is what is best and we'll both be grateful he went. He has so many days left and I've spent most of them here in Ephraim which I guess is good because being away from him is something I've gotten used to. But then I also am sad because I wish I could be spending time with him. Missionaries are amazing people, and there is so much I need to be working on right now.

A girl in my Family Relations class today said, "Someone told me that you need to know what real heartbreak is before you fall in love with someone." And it got me thinking. Have I gone through that to let myself fall in love with Brady? And I believe I have. I won't mention names but there is one particular event that isn't so old and it was the hardest heartbreak. With Brady, I'm not so sure, but I can think of one. I really appreciate that comment because I truly believe it. I've been on that website and it's helped me. I've been reading the successful stories and girls were in similar situations like me and it's nice to know of support out there and that it can happen. It's helping me believe in myself.

So many of my friends are leaving soon and are leaving now. Quinn is leaving to Argentina on November 17th, Brady is leaving December 2nd. Jaron is leaving to Georgia December 15th as well as my cousin to Hawaii, and Brandon to Washington! Next up in line will be Bryant, Jake, Matt, & Megan!! I'm so proud of all of them but it's weird for them to be leaving. I'm so young and I wish I was going too!

So here I'm going, leaving this blog post and going to create a list of things I want to accomplish, things I need to do and good daily reminders. I'm completely turning to the Lord, I know he'll help me through this.

Brady... You're going to be amazing, and I'm so proud of you for going. I love you and I can't wait for you to leave and be completely in the hands of the Lord. I'm ready for this challenge (whether I seem like it or not) and I'm ready to face it head on. We can do this. You're going to be amazing, and you're my best friend! Always :)