1 Week & Missing

What a day it has been!

I came home this weekend because my boyfriend was going through the Temple! :) I am SO proud of him and how far he's come. He chose the Jordan River Temple (which I call "my little Temple" haha) which was beautiful :) It was windy and looked like it was going to rain but it wasn't too bad. The timing was perfect for me. I bawled; like a baby. I remember walking inside the Temple. Now, my love for the Jordan River Temple is unlike any other love. I love it so much. It's been my little/home Temple for as long as I can remember and I truly feel at home when I'm there. It seriously has been SO long since I've been there. Anyway, knowing that as I walked in, I was instantly overwhelmed by the Spirit of my very loving Heavenly Father. As I stood there I just couldn't get over the smell. There's just something about the smell of the LDS Temples that just gets me. It seeps into my heart and just chokes me up. Nothing in the whole wide world smells the way the Temple does and causes the Spirit to surround me.

I stood in the waiting area for Brady to come. I arrived about 10-15 minutes early. There was a wedding so there was a lot of people inside. Once the bride and groom came out, they piled the family outside and then called for the bride and groom. The second that I heard everyone cheering and congratulating and I saw the bride and groom kiss, I just cracked. I couldn't hold it in any longer and I started to cry. That is what the Temple is about. That is why I've always had my number one goal as getting married in the Temple. That is why getting sealed in the Lord's house for time and all eternity is so important. That is why I can't wait to be with Brady forever. I turned my head the other way and I instantly saw Brady standing there in the back talking with family members and ready to go. I cried even more! I can't believe what he just experienced. To be honest, I felt like I was in bondage. Like I had sinned or something I wasn't allowed to be in there. I truly wasn't because I haven't been endowed yet, but I just wanted so badly to run to him and hug him. And cry and tell him how proud I am of him and that I love him, and that I can't wait for him to help others have the opportunity to experience what he did, and feel the love of the Spirit like I had. I know he needs to go, and I can't wait to hear about his mission!!

I patiently waited and tried to hold back the tears so when he came out he wouldn't see. He finally came out and I walked up to him and was a little hesitant to hug him. I felt like I wasn't allowed to, like he had been set apart or something. He was like a new person. A new, better, holier son of God and he looked so happy :) He was crying a little bit and told me he was so close to just bawling (which then of course made me cry) and I just hugged his arm as we were walking. I couldn't believe it. The Temple is just amazing and I wish I could experience this morning all over again!

Here is a photo of us, once we got home :)

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Well, one last thing. I've been missing Andy a lot lately. I don't know if it's the holidays, or if it's because his birthday is the day after Christmas, or because Brady is leaving, or just because I miss him.

I watched the episode of Oprah when she had Marie Osmond visit and share about her son who had taken his own life. I connected SO well it was almost too well. She talked about how she wished she would have answered the phone hours before he was gone. I, myself have that very same wish. It was really tough at first trying to get over the fact that Andy's actions weren't my fault and that I can't beat myself over not answering the phone when he called. I've been so much better :) I think about him a lot, and some days it gets bad, and some days its good. When people find out, or ask, or I tell them, I get this happy feeling inside of how lucky I was to have known him when I did. To have met him and experienced what I did. One thing that stuck out from what Marie told Oprah, she said, "I told him that I'd be back Monday and that everything would be okay." She paused and then said, "Depression doesn't wait till Monday." And I just wanted to cry. That statement is MORE than just true. Click here to view a clip from that episode. I believe everyone should watch it, not just those who have lost someone.

I was watching this tv show and this girl was explaining about how she had died and come back, and witnessed life after death. She described it as this really bright, white light waiting for her. There was a woman who took her by the hand and started walking towards the light. She said it was, "the most peaceful, happiest, calming light I'd ever seen." - After that, I thought to myself... what if Andy felt that way? What if he was happy to finally feel that way again. And to feel the way with our Heavenly Father? I don't blame him. I'm sure it is the best feeling in the world. It still doesn't defeat that fact that some days I still do have a hard time, and miss him. But it gave me peace and I finally said to myself, ya know what? Whether or not he experienced that, I know he's feeling much better than he did hear on Earth and I know he's working with Heavenly Father. I really hope my parents let me visit his grave on his birthday!! Anyway, I love you Andy!

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One last thing, I miss my family. Holy smokes! I feel like these last couple weeks of my semester are draaaaaaagging on!! They won't go fast enough. I'm so grateful and excited for this Thanksgiving week! I only have classes on Monday so I get to come home on Monday and be with my family till the 28th! It's going to be awesome :) It'll be hard. It's my last week with Brady but I'm determined to make it the best!! I'm also going to see the lights downtown at Temple Square with Brady before he goes :) AND, I'm going to see A Christmas Carol with my family on the 21st and then my sister and her husband are staying at our house for Christmas!! I cannot wait :) I'm seeing my best friend over Christmas break, hanging out with cousins and family. Oh man, this really is the best time of the year!!! I'm so excited to be with my family this week :) I love them very much. Having snow falling, Christmas music playing, Christmas decoration-putting up going on in my home, Christmas candles, being together with my family.. It's making my heart explode with contentment. I love this time of year (subtract the cold though!) :)

Anyway, I hope everyone has a fantastic and safe Thanksgiving week! :)