Not A Nutshell

I guess I could try and cover everything that's on my mind right now, in a nutshell. But I can't. It's too hard and there's too much. I've got a lot on my mind and I just need to get it off, here on my blog. So this may or may not be a long post!

First, it's about blogging. I feel like I have NO idea what to blog about, and I worry. Isn't that silly? Yeah, completely. I feel like I should only blog about certain things, and never blog too much but not too little, and it stresses me out. Can you believe it? I stress out over blogging! Hahaha It's such a silly thing, but I don't know what to do about it. I feel like the people who read my blog aren't going to be interested in what I have to say. And maybe they won't be, but if they are, I want it to be good and worth reading. But this is my blog. Right?...

I am going through a lot right now. I just started my second semester of college and it is keeping me a lot busier than I expected it to. I literally wake up at 8 every morning, and don't get home till about 5 or 5:30. I have school all day, then I work. And now I have to fit in working out. Ah! Where did my day go for that!? Sheesh! I am happy with it though. Last semester I had all the time in the world to do ANYTHING and most days it got depressing. It can be hard here in Ephraim without my family, Brady and my close friends, but I just have to remind myself that I'm here for school and nothing else.

I miss Brady a lot too. I didn't expect to have so much remind me of him when I got back from Christmas break! I almost cried when I got back. Brady & I Skyped almost every night last semester and I got back and had to go without it :( I did for a week and a half when he first left, but for some reason this time it was really sad for me. I miss Skyping with him when my day is over and having his voice be the last one I heard every night. I just dreaded being back in Ephraim and I felt depressed and homesick the first week or two. But I've got a wonderful family who lets me call them whenever I need to! I am so happy for Brady though. I hope he has been getting my letters, and I hope to hear from him soon. He's amazing, and my love for him has grown so much since he's been gone. It's stronger than ever, and I can't believe this is happening. So many people have talked with me about dating, and asked if I was going to date, and that I have to get rid of the pictures of Brady & I and all these things just so I can date. I feel like I shouldn't have to. He's gone, what is that going to do!? Plus, it's not on my priority list to date while Brady is gone; it just isn't. I don't seek out boys to date, and I don't want to. I truly feel like I could care less if I date while Brady is gone. No, I'm not putting myself on hold, I just don't have that interest, and it's okay.

Church. Holy smokes :/ I feel like a huge chunk was taken out of me when the Read With Me Challenge stopped. It became a habit and the one thing I depended on for my happiness. I feel tempted to read the Book of Mormon over again just so I can get that back! It really helped me and got me ready for things I have to face this year. I feel prepared since reading that Book of Mormon before last year ended. 2010 was a really rough and amazing year and to have the Book of Mormon help me be ready for 2011 was a blessing! I'm really grateful for this gospel.

Which leads me to my next thought, families. I love the Temple. In fact, I wish I lived in the Salt Lake Temple. I'm not going to lie, that has been my dream forever. The Salt Lake Temple is beautiful and just being in its presence at any time of the year, I can't help but feel closer to Heaven. I haven't been to the Temple to do baptisms since before Christmas break, but that is really a goal I want to set for myself this year. In fact, I'll make it a new years resolution. Temples are amazing places. They are the one place you can literally reach for Heaven, and it reaches back. You feel so close to your Savior and Heavenly Father, and it's a place you never want to leave. Amazing ordinances and promises/covenants are being made and I'm just left in aw. I know I have a while before I go through the Temple myself, but I cannot wait for the day that I get to kneel across the Lord's altar, and be sealed for time and all eternity to my sweetheart. I know that families are forever and I can't wait for my own. I'm such a blessed Daughter of God and I'm grateful for all the Temples ♥

I've been struggling with friends lately. I get really sad when I see friends from high school hangout and I don't get to hangout with them. Sometimes I feel like nobody likes me, and because I dated Brady, that's why they don't talk to me. Ever since Brady left I've been feeling really lonely, and I'm always needing a best friend since mine left and the only communication we have is letters. I really miss all my old friends, and feeling like I have people to hangout with. I don't feel like I have anyone I can turn to when I'm feeling sad, and I wonder if that's why the Holy Ghost has really been pushing me with prayer. I loved all my high school friends, and I wish I was still really good friends with them. It's a silly thing to fret over, but I'm tired of feeling lonely. I have some wonderful friends and I'd like to say to them: Thank you. Truly, from the bottom of my heart.

Well, it's been a long post, and I'm sure I could keep going on, but I think I'll stop here. There is so much I need to work for and to keep going on with. I'm currently reading a book called Talking with God by Robert L. Millet and it's been good so far. I really feel like the Holy Ghost has been pushing at me to pray more and council more with my Heavenly Father, and I need to act upon that prompting. I'm so glad I have Institute every other day because if I didn't, my life here at college would fall apart more than I feel it has some days. Reading has become a love for me, and I'm happy :) So if you have any good books you suggest I read, please feel free to tell me! I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday, and a good new week next week!!