Not A Nutshell

I guess I could try and cover everything that's on my mind right now, in a nutshell. But I can't. It's too hard and there's too much. I've got a lot on my mind and I just need to get it off, here on my blog. So this may or may not be a long post!

First, it's about blogging. I feel like I have NO idea what to blog about, and I worry. Isn't that silly? Yeah, completely. I feel like I should only blog about certain things, and never blog too much but not too little, and it stresses me out. Can you believe it? I stress out over blogging! Hahaha It's such a silly thing, but I don't know what to do about it. I feel like the people who read my blog aren't going to be interested in what I have to say. And maybe they won't be, but if they are, I want it to be good and worth reading. But this is my blog. Right?...

I am going through a lot right now. I just started my second semester of college and it is keeping me a lot busier than I expected it to. I literally wake up at 8 every morning, and don't get home till about 5 or 5:30. I have school all day, then I work. And now I have to fit in working out. Ah! Where did my day go for that!? Sheesh! I am happy with it though. Last semester I had all the time in the world to do ANYTHING and most days it got depressing. It can be hard here in Ephraim without my family, Brady and my close friends, but I just have to remind myself that I'm here for school and nothing else.

I miss Brady a lot too. I didn't expect to have so much remind me of him when I got back from Christmas break! I almost cried when I got back. Brady & I Skyped almost every night last semester and I got back and had to go without it :( I did for a week and a half when he first left, but for some reason this time it was really sad for me. I miss Skyping with him when my day is over and having his voice be the last one I heard every night. I just dreaded being back in Ephraim and I felt depressed and homesick the first week or two. But I've got a wonderful family who lets me call them whenever I need to! I am so happy for Brady though. I hope he has been getting my letters, and I hope to hear from him soon. He's amazing, and my love for him has grown so much since he's been gone. It's stronger than ever, and I can't believe this is happening. So many people have talked with me about dating, and asked if I was going to date, and that I have to get rid of the pictures of Brady & I and all these things just so I can date. I feel like I shouldn't have to. He's gone, what is that going to do!? Plus, it's not on my priority list to date while Brady is gone; it just isn't. I don't seek out boys to date, and I don't want to. I truly feel like I could care less if I date while Brady is gone. No, I'm not putting myself on hold, I just don't have that interest, and it's okay.

Church. Holy smokes :/ I feel like a huge chunk was taken out of me when the Read With Me Challenge stopped. It became a habit and the one thing I depended on for my happiness. I feel tempted to read the Book of Mormon over again just so I can get that back! It really helped me and got me ready for things I have to face this year. I feel prepared since reading that Book of Mormon before last year ended. 2010 was a really rough and amazing year and to have the Book of Mormon help me be ready for 2011 was a blessing! I'm really grateful for this gospel.

Which leads me to my next thought, families. I love the Temple. In fact, I wish I lived in the Salt Lake Temple. I'm not going to lie, that has been my dream forever. The Salt Lake Temple is beautiful and just being in its presence at any time of the year, I can't help but feel closer to Heaven. I haven't been to the Temple to do baptisms since before Christmas break, but that is really a goal I want to set for myself this year. In fact, I'll make it a new years resolution. Temples are amazing places. They are the one place you can literally reach for Heaven, and it reaches back. You feel so close to your Savior and Heavenly Father, and it's a place you never want to leave. Amazing ordinances and promises/covenants are being made and I'm just left in aw. I know I have a while before I go through the Temple myself, but I cannot wait for the day that I get to kneel across the Lord's altar, and be sealed for time and all eternity to my sweetheart. I know that families are forever and I can't wait for my own. I'm such a blessed Daughter of God and I'm grateful for all the Temples ♥

I've been struggling with friends lately. I get really sad when I see friends from high school hangout and I don't get to hangout with them. Sometimes I feel like nobody likes me, and because I dated Brady, that's why they don't talk to me. Ever since Brady left I've been feeling really lonely, and I'm always needing a best friend since mine left and the only communication we have is letters. I really miss all my old friends, and feeling like I have people to hangout with. I don't feel like I have anyone I can turn to when I'm feeling sad, and I wonder if that's why the Holy Ghost has really been pushing me with prayer. I loved all my high school friends, and I wish I was still really good friends with them. It's a silly thing to fret over, but I'm tired of feeling lonely. I have some wonderful friends and I'd like to say to them: Thank you. Truly, from the bottom of my heart.

Well, it's been a long post, and I'm sure I could keep going on, but I think I'll stop here. There is so much I need to work for and to keep going on with. I'm currently reading a book called Talking with God by Robert L. Millet and it's been good so far. I really feel like the Holy Ghost has been pushing at me to pray more and council more with my Heavenly Father, and I need to act upon that prompting. I'm so glad I have Institute every other day because if I didn't, my life here at college would fall apart more than I feel it has some days. Reading has become a love for me, and I'm happy :) So if you have any good books you suggest I read, please feel free to tell me! I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday, and a good new week next week!!

Progress?

Welcome my first post of the 2011 year.

I don't feel that excited for this new year. In fact, I haven't felt like I can tell 2011 to "bring it on" or that there are great things in store for me. I just feel like it's another day, but different year.

What a year 2010 was. I've never had a crazier year. My senior year was really hard for me. I dated someone to help me through the loss of my friend, and it ended badly. I had a hard time, but I was cared for and supported by counselors, family members, and friends. Luckily I made it through with a great seminary teacher as well, and I graduated from high school :) That was the happiest day of the year so far. Then I met Brady. We started dating a day after graduation, and I couldn't be more happier. I hungout with great friends and I ended up having a better summer than I ever thought I was going to. Moving to school was hard, but at the time I knew that's where I needed to be. School was rough; living with 5 other people you've never lived with, and dealing with the college style of school was definitely an adjustment. I made it through with going home almost every weekend. Brady has been my rock since day one, and I'm forever grateful.

Today is the anniversary of my sweetheart & I :) We've been together 7 months now!

The first picture of us when we started dating! :)

Also, Brady has been gone 1 month today!! You know what that means!? 23 more months, 22 more fast Sundays and I don't know how many more days, hahaha. All I know is that it's felt like FOREVER.

The last picture of us before he left/his farewell.

I guess you can say it's a big deal that he's been gone for 1 month, but really!? He's pretty homesick, and in the last letter, I can't even begin to tell you how much he misses me and home and his family. It's super hard because I want to say it right back but I shouldn't.

I really had a hard time tonight. I went to his house and visited with his family. It was good but his smell is overwhelming and I just couldn't help but reminisce of the funny times, the sad times, the "tender moment" times, the short times, the long times, and everything in between. 

(Click here if you can't view it, and want to.)
This movie was made from my babe :) It was just at the beginning of my semester and he sent it to me just for fun, and I sent one to him! Haha, he's just a cute guy :)

My babe is my babe. And he's mine forever. I've been thinking about dating and such a lot lately. Not "relationship" type dating, just a date. Ya know? The kind they tell you to wait for till you're 16? Yeah, that kind. Well, a friend of mine told me that nobody will prolly want to date me because of Brady. And if they saw my facebook, they most definitely won't. I kinda felt offensive at first, but he was right. Him and my mother suggested I take the pictures of Brady & I off if that was the case, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it (not that I had thought it was a good idea in the first place). One reason, because I'm sure everyone would go all "did you guys break up?" or "did you dear john him?" or something to the point that they would notice. Plus, I loved Brady way too much just to take pictures off so I can get a date. Psh. Guess I won't be dating if that's what it takes.

I guess you can say I've made progress with finishing first semester of college in the middle of Brady being gone. I read the entire Book of Mormon in two months. It just doesn't seem real that it's gone by that fast. I love my Brady very much. It hurts a lot to have him gone, and I've been truly struggling. I have a ton of support, and even though some days I really don't feel like I can get through, tomorrow always comes. I'm not looking forward to going back to Ephraim, but I keep telling myself, "4 more months and you're outta there!" Then I can come home and go to SLCC for the Summer, and if things work money wise, I'll head up to Rexburg :)

My new years resolution: Workout every other day, and eat healthier.

Well Happy New year everybody!

Not The End

Remember that Read With Me Challenge I've mentioned a few times in older posts? Well it's come to an end. I finished tonight (well last night since I'm posting this "early" in the morning) and it was pretty hard and spiritual for me. I play church music when I read my scriptures so that I don't let my mind wonder, and it invites the Spirit even more, plus church music is just my favorite :) Well, there was a song that came on, it's called Every Breath by Jenny Phillips. Have you ever heard her sing!? She's AMAZING. Well, I'm posting it from youtube so that you can listen to it while I babble some more...

I'm grateful for this song, and the strength it brings me.

Anyway, so I'm still just, in complete shock that I finished the Book of Mormon. There were so many days that I got behind that sometimes I just didn't think I'd ever catch up, or that I'd finish next year; I didn't want any of that to happen. I stuck to it, and I firmly believe the comfort that came from me reading this, is what's got me through these last two months. And I'm not just saying that.

I've really struggled lately, and I'm sure you've all heard my sob story. But it's rough grieving the loss of my sweet, sweet Andy. And then having my best friend leave on a mission, while struggling with school. It was a hard couple months, but I know this book kept me sane at my most breakable moments. This book has given me more hope than I think it'll ever realize. I came across a verse in Moroni 7. It's verse 48 and it reads,

 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen."

That just really touched my heart. I wanted to cry, because I just hope that the "someday" we are all preparing for will come soon. I know that's a little crazy of me to say, but every time I think of it, my heart can't help but fill up with pure happiness. To be with my best friend, my Savior, my Heavenly Father, Andy... and many more loved ones.

"I am mindful of you always in my prayers, continually praying unto God the Father in the name of his Holy Child, Jesus, that he, through his infinite goodness and grace, will keep you through the endurance of faith on his name to the end. " (Moroni 8:3)

Which brings in my next few verses (Moroni 9:25-26):

"My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever."

"And may the grace of God the Father, whose throne is high in the heavens, and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sitteth on the right hand of his power, until all things shall become subject unto him, be, and abide with you forever. Amen."

I guess you could say, Heavenly Father doesn't want us to forget. I know, I know, we all know that. But I swear it after reading this. I seriously think the last ten pages I read tonight were filled with so much humility, it was almost overwhelming for me to read! My Savior's love just exploded from the pages and each verse was hopeful and uplifting, good guidelines, and explanations of consequences both good and bad. It has been a little hard lately without Andy. I've been thinking a lot about him this break, which I expected to be normal, but I forgot that Moroni 10 was the last chapter in the Book of Mormon, so when I realized the first few verses of the last chapter were the verses I shared with Andy at EFY, that were the verses for our company, I almost broke down crying. I miss him so much, and the Spirit was so strong. I really wish he was with me some days, but I know the verses I shared up above helps me remember that I'll see my Andy one day. That his memory will stay with me forever, and that I'll remember he's with Heavenly Father now, happy and safe again :)

And the last verse that made a difference was Moroni 10:27.

"And I exhort you to remember these things; for the time speedily cometh that ye shall know that I lie not, for ye shall see me at the bar of God; and the Lord God will say unto you: Did I not declare my words unto you, which were written by this man, like as one crying from the dead, yea, even as one speaking out of the dust?"

The word "speedily" caught my attention from this verse. It's used a lot in the scriptures and to me, we don't have a lot of time. I feel like the only way I can truly prepare for my Savior is the intent of my heart in all my doings, and my testimony. It's the testimony that will get us through; I thought a lot about that tonight. I mean, yeah we've got the scriptures to read, we've got church talks, conference videos, family traditions, journals and such, but in the end, what really continues to carry us, is the testimony we have of our Savior. The testimony we have of our own faith that we can endure to the end. That we believe in our Savior. That we know he'll come for us one day. That one day, his promise will be fulfilled and we will be like him.

I know my testimony of this Book of Mormon has grown stronger and more stable than ever. This isn't the end of my Book of Mormon reading. A friend of mine made a comment about reading the Book of Mormon 3 times in 3 months (which I'll be doing in the summer!!) and another said try reading it in 3 days. And I'm thinking, holy cow! Here I am feeling proud for reading it in two months, and these people have read it faster! But then I began to felt prideful after saying that.

It's not about reading it 3 times in 3 months, or in 3 days, 2 months, heck its not even about how fast you can do it. It's reading it. Reading ten pages this time around was something different for me. I used to read by chapter, and I began to only care about how long the chapter was, or what it was about. This time it was those ten pages. I got to study those ten pages for however long I want. Ask whatever questions, and follow promptings from it, learn and take what I can from it, and apply. It was the best way to read it, I think. I'm truly grateful for this experience and I don't think I could thank Becca enough for doing this. It was truly an answer to a prayer of mine, and that isn't made up; it was. I know Heavenly Father was looking out for me and I know he will continue to.

The Book of Mormon is true.

Happy Birthday Andy! :)

Andy & I - EFY 2009 - Rexburg, Idaho

Well today, is my sweet Andy's 18th birthday! (December 26th).  The picture of him & I that I've posted, has to be my favorite of us to; and unfortunately, it's 1 of the only 3 pictures I have with him :( So I cherish those three pictures, big time.

Anyway, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Andy's birthday. It is the day after Christmas. I wanted to go visit his grave today, since I did last year on his birthday, because it's his birthday, and because I haven't been since May. It started to snow and I was getting bummed out that I might not be able to drive, because his grave is in Kaysville. My mother finally let me go, and I told her that if the weather got worse that I would turn around and come home. Well, it wasn't bad at all; maybe some slush, and wet roads, mist and a little rain. But I made it safely :)

The graveyard was quiet. I was the only one there. Which was nice. I like going by myself, because then it's just Andy & Me time :) I've only brought one person before and I felt bad having them sit in the car, so I decided from now on I'm going by myself! It was really nice, I brought a towel so I could sit down next to his grave and not get a wet butt from the snow! I won't go into details about anything I talked about or did, but it was really good for me to be there. Especially by myself; I felt peace and at first I got a feeling, that my Andy wasn't there anymore, and that he'd left Earth and gone to Heaven already, but after staying for a while, I could feel that he was there again. I wonder if he left Heaven to visit with me in spirit :) I cried a lot, but I've also got a lot to cry about, and feeling a little more emotional this week than  normal. But I'm really glad I went, and I'm so grateful my parents let me go today ♥

One thing I did when I visited his grave in May, was visit the Bountiful, Utah Temple on the way home, and I decided to make that a tradition, so I stopped by again today on my way home :) It was beautiful, and the sun came out just as I was leaving. I loved that I was able to go to the Temple, even just to stand outside the gate was a blessing. Families Are Forever. I know that Andy will be with his family again, especially his little girl. I know that Heavenly Father is with him, and keeping him safe and helping him become happier and healthier, and teaching him more than I could imagine. Some days its hard to accept the absence of someone forever, but my work here still isn't done, and Andy's work needed to be so I could learn from his work, to press forward with mine. I love my sweet Andy so very much, and I always will.

I love you Andy :)

His daughter, isn't she beautiful?

I wrote a message for him in the snow :p

Quick story, my friend Sam (who also went to EFY with Andy & I and was a good friend to Andy & I) is serving a mission in Denver, Colorado. He left the day we both found out Andy passed away last year. And I remember just thinking, 'How am I going to do it without Sam? He's the only who truly knows what I'm going through, and the only one I can go to about Andy.' When I last talked to Sam on the phone, I cried a little I'll admit, but it was hard because the only part of Andy I had left was leaving with Sam. Nobody else in this world (besides Andy's family) was connected to the situation with me. But my friend Lexi told me this, "Just think of this as Sam and Andy's mission." - I actually thought that was cool, and we both got chills when she said that. It was even more insane when I got my first letter from Sam and he told me he felt the Spirit so strongly when he was being ordained to a District Leader and he said he just knew that Andy was there with him. He wrote me again telling me of a young lady they're teaching, whose uncle just passed away (who took his own life too) and asked to send a poem Andy's family found in his backpack, and a couple talks on the topic. I felt truly grateful to have this opportunity to help someone else go through the loss of someone when they take their own life, through Sam. It's amazing. I felt really happy to send Sam those things, and even gave him an extra notes and book ideas and quotes to give to her, just because I know how hard it is. It was great doing service through a missionary.

Overall, (if his family reads this too) I'm grateful for Andy, and the blessing he was in my life. I'm grateful he went to EFY the same week I did in Idaho. I'm so grateful to have gotten to know him in the two months that I did. I'm grateful for the memories I cherish and hold dear to my heart, that help remind me of the wonderful person he was. I'm grateful for the help and support I've had through this loss, and especially his family for thinking of me every now and then. Even though I never got to know his family, I'm grateful for them too. I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

My Christmas Day

What a day it has been, can I just tell you that right now!? :/

 So for Christmas Eve we went bowling with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins! It was super fun! Then we had them come over for our annual (which we usually only do with our immediate family) Christmas Eve buffet! My sister came with Mitch, my brother with Crystal, and Crystal's sister and her sisters husband, and also my aunt and uncle and cousins! I am so glad they all came! :) We just talked and watched Brian Reagen! He is funny!

Then when everyone went home, we opened pajamas as our annual Christmas tradition. I got green pajamas, my sister got purple. My older sister bought herself Ute pajamas and Mitch red/black pajamas! 

Here are some photos :)

Scooter & I

Mommy & I

Jessica

My mom

My dad

Jess & I giving thumbs up to Christmas pajamas :)

Ma decided to join us and send her gangster style our way :)

These are my Christmas slippers!

 

This morning we woke up and opened presents!

Here are some pictures of things I received :)

Perfume from American Eagle :)

I got a LDS Temple calendar! (Not this exact one)

Blue sweater from Aeropostale

White/Tan Hoodie from Aeropostale

iHome, and yes I got an iTouch! :)

iTunes Gift Card

I received a gift card to DB!

This beautiful jewelry hanger!
I'm so happy I got one because I'm ALWAYS losing my jewelry!

I also got some luggage, and received money from my grandparents, their old printer (so I can use it for college). I received candy, and lots of hugs!!

I read the email Brady sent me today :) He is so sweet and grown up!! I can't wait to hear from him again!

We then had my dads side of the family come over around noon for lunch, and gift exchange! It was really fun! I got to see my grandparents (who are full-time travelers), I got to see my cousins and my aunts and uncles that I don't get to see all the time! :)

Well, as most of you know, I have a missionary out in England right now. And I've been DYING to hear from him ALL day. I just kept checking my phone, and had it on loud so I could hear if his mom called. Well, Brady is seven hours ahead of us and 3 o'clock was coming up, which means it was night time there. So then I started to panic like maybe he didn't call, or she forgot to call me. Well, about a half-hour to an hour later, she called me. She told me that she couldn't invite me to the phone call. My heart shattered. I immediately started to cry. But I held it in and finished the phone call with her. She told me she wasn't sure if she should invite me anyway, but then received an email from Brady's mission president telling them, only family was allowed to be apart of this phone call. She told me he's getting home sick, but he's doing really well. She told me what they've been up to lately, and that she'd forward me emails. I'm glad he's doing well, I truly am!! I just bawled after I hung up the phone. I am going to admit, I cried and I was really sad.

I know its "for the best" but it's still super hard. Brady told his family that my letters were the only ones he cared for. And yeah, that made me happy a little, but it doesn't cure my sadness. It just is super hard, when he tells you he misses you, tells his family that your letters are the only ones he cares about, he can't email you, and now can't talk to you on EITHER Christmas' OR mother's day (not that I would expect to talk on the phone that day), and the ONLY communication we have anymore, is letters, yeah, I'm sure you'd be just as crushed as I am at this point. I miss him terribly and I love him so much. It's harder knowing that he misses me and I can't do anything, I can't talk to him, email him, nothing. It's been 

such a hard day since then.

We went to my moms' parents house and visited them;

So I have wanted this book since it came out. No lie. And I actually have a pretty good connection with the guy talked about in this book. Wondering how!? Well, my grandma worked as his secretary, and for President Hinckley a bit as well, a long time ago. He loves my Grandma. She visits him a lot, and she received a copy of this book and told her he'd sign it for her. Well, my mom didn't know they already had it, and she got them this book. But my grandma told her they'd keep it as a special edition, and have it be the one he'll sign! I just seriously couldn't believe he was going to sign her book! So I told her she should have him sign one for me too and she said she would :) :) We're having my mom's side of the family get together on Thursday, so I'll bring my copy of this amazing book to her on Thursday, and she's going to take it to President Monson and have him personally sign it for me. Awesome right!!? I'm so excited!!! I cannot wait :)

*************
Also, tomorrow is my sweet Andy's birthday ♥

I cannot wait to visit his grave! I'm so excited! It's been since May that I've been there, and I just can't wait. I just know it'll feel like a breath of fresh air for me.

*************

Anyway, I feel like winter break is over now that Christmas has come and gone :/ I don't want to go back to Ephraim to be honest. I'm lonely their; no friends, family, car, nothing. I'm really going to focus and work hard on my grades this semester. My overall GPA was a 3.4 and I'm proud of myself. I was scared I couldn't do it, and I did. I also am almost done with my application to BYU-Idaho, so keep your fingers crossed!! I feel like I could just go cry to Brady about how I didn't get to speak with him, and I'm hoping he feels the same, but it's best. I'm sure it would've made it harder on the both of us. I'm truly proud of Brady and we both know, as does everyone else (including our Father in Heaven) that this is where Brady needs to be, and where I need to be. It's hard, but there is so much support around me, it's not even funny. I just need to get up and do something about it. And Brady's mom told me this, "Don't stop going to school. Just get it done, because Brady is going to need the support when he gets back, and you should get yours done and out of the way." - And I am going to stick to that!

Well it's been a long post :/

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, and continue to have a safe holiday, and a happy new year!

Christ Came

My post is a spiritual venting this time.

Enjoy.

Well, I've been struggling, a lot lately. I just feel like I haven't found who I really am yet. I thought I did, but it's slowly falling apart. I first decided I needed to be somewhere other than Snow next fall, but I can't decide where. I've been truly seeking help, prayer held in my heart, and I've applied at some colleges, but for some reason I'm still feeling unsure. Maybe I'm not meant to go to school next fall, work and wait for what the Lord has in store. Maybe I'm not supposed to marry Brady right away, and serve a full-time LDS Mission. Maybe I'm supposed to go to school out of state, maybe I'm supposed to go to school right by my home. Maybe I'm supposed to marry Brady and go where the Lord sends us. That is how crazy I've felt. And trust me, there's more.

People have been telling me not to worry. Not to base my decisions on my missionary, because we may not marry or because he's going to be gone for two years, and to pray, fast and ponder of where the Lord thinks I should go to school. Or not to fret and stress out because it's so far into the future, or to stay at home because it's "cheap". It's been hard hearing some of those comments because it is important to me, no matter how far into the future it is. I think I told you I ordered that Stand A Little Taller book that my friend blogged about and I cannot wait for it to get here!! I just want it in my hands right now.

Which now leads into my next thought.

The scriptures.

Well, tonight I decided I was going to catch up on all my reading from the Read With Me Challenge. I've been 10 pages behind everyday now and tonight I decided I was going to change that and I'm truly glad I did. I learned so much tonight. We're in 3 Nephi and I got to read chapter 11 tonight. Yup, that's right, chapter 11 :) I almost started to get tears in my eyes when I read about the Savior walking through the multitude and letting them feel of his wounds in his hands and side... I just wish I could've been there. I can't wait till I get to run to my Savior and just hug him and cry and never let go and tell him I love him and thank him. He's truly my best friend, and even though I wasn't there with the Nephites, Christ Came and I felt the Spirit.

When I got to chapter 13, I came across a verse that I know Heavenly Father put in there for me tonight. It's verse 8 and it reads, "Be not ye therefore like unto them, for your Father knoweth what things ye have need before ye ask him." - I can testify that's true. Before I started reading tonight, I went to the Hale Center Theater to see A Christmas Carol with my family. It was so fun and I haven't been in a long time! It made me grateful for Christmas :) But the last time I was at the Hale Center Theater, I was with my dear Andy. My sweet, sweet Andy. I just stared at the exact location he was standing when I showed up, when I was walking in tonight, and I couldn't help but smile and remember how happy I was to see him. I wished he would've been standing there tonight. I remember where we were parked, what restaurant we ate at, where we sat, when we walked up the staircase and where his family stood when I got there. I remember where we sat inside exactly, and I remember EVERYTHING that happened. It seemed as if it happened yesterday, and I can't believe it happened only over a year ago.

I wanted to cry. I started to feel overwhelmed a little, but I made sure I didn't let it show. I wanted to enjoy myself (which I did) and enjoy the time with my family (which I did). I just hurt still. I still need time. I wish he wasn't gone. I wish he was still here. It's so hard knowing he's with our Father in Heaven and I have to deal with struggles down here, whether they were just as hard as his or not. I do just fine when it comes to Andy, until the memory is right in front of me. His birthday is Sunday and I'm really hoping I can go and visit. Now, here is where I tie in that scripture with what I just shared. When I got home I was feeling a little down and then I started to pound myself with, "you need to forgive so and so" "quit being so rude to your family" "be nicer to your friends" "be a better person" and all those wonderful thoughts (not) that Satan tries to put in our heads. And I remember pleading inside my head/heart and just hoping that my Heavenly Father would help me tonight. And he did. He put in chapter 11 of 3 Nephi in front of my face tonight.

I know I have a testimony of my Savior. I know that Christ Came to the Nephites and testified of all the things taught to them previously and which shall be taught to them in the future. I know that what Christ said about how we can be saved and live with him is the true way to happiness eternally. I'm so grateful we have disciples out serving so that others can feel the Spirit from chapter 11 like I did and will always. I know that I'm not perfect, and that some days I get mad at others. I get mad at my family, we fight and sometimes I get frustrated with my friends. I can get a little harsh with my sarcasm sometimes and can come off mean. I can say things about others and sometimes bring up frustration and anger about someone, and pridefully gossip; but deep inside, I know that's not who I am, and I'm going to work on that. I have a ton of imperfections, but I know that Christ loves them all perfectly. I know that through his Atoning sacrifice and I can learn to forgive and be forgiven. I have a long road ahead of me, and one crazy journey, but I know that when I get to Heaven, I can tell my Father how much worth it was to me to come to Earth. My testimony of Christ will always be solid, no matter how crazy my life gets, or how lost I feel.

Christ Came to me tonight. And he'll always come.

In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Good Stuff :)

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

I went to the Christmas Carol: Sing-a-long tonight and then to Temple Square! I went to Temple Square last night with different friends (see picture above), and it POURED! But it was still fun :) Tonight, they had violins playing and we sang a lot with the Lyrics on the big screen and then JON SCHMIDT came out!!! Yup that's right. I got to see him play tonight, FOR FREE!!!! I heard him play some Christmas songs, he played upside down and then Love Story Meets Viva La Vida! :) It was amazing! Big Budah was there and it was just a lot of fun! :)

(That is Jon Schmidt & someone else playing the violin (above))

Then we went to Temple Square to see the lights, and there was a ton of people there, but it was still fun. It even started to snow :)

So now onto the news of why this week is going to be epic!! First off, our internet works again! It wasn't working on Wednesday and just barely started working again today! So now when my parents go to work, and my sister goes to school, I'll have something to keep me entertained! Also, I get to deliver my Christmas gifts to friends this week! I get to be with friends this week! Tonight I'm going to see a Christmas Carrol at the Hale Center Theatre. I'm really excited, and I hope I enjoy myself. The last time I was there was with Andy... I'm sure memories will come flooding back, I may get a little overwhelmed and just close my eyes and just wish he was still here with me, and just remember how fun it was seeing the play we saw, and spending that time with him :) Then Friday is Christmas Eve and my Aunt, Uncle, Cousin and Cousin-in-law are all coming over to join our Christmas Eve dinner and then we're opening some gifts together! My sister and brother-in-law are staying over that night, so I'm totally stoked about that! Then Christmas day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah, I can't even begin to explain to you how amazing this day will be. I'm so excited to be with my family again in the morning and share the happiness in giving each other gifts. I'll be getting an email from Brady that day. Member when he sent that last email saying he's sending some that'll come in the future!? Yup, that's SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot wait to see what is written in this one. AND he'll be in the field today so he'll prolly be CALLING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my word. I'll be close enough to that I could drive to his families house. Oh boy I hope he calls and they let me come say hi to him. Even if I do have a recording inside my build-a-bear, and a video of him, I'm sure a phone call will be the best thing ever!! Want to know something else cool? On Sunday, I can officially say, "One more Christmas and he'll be home!" ;) and then in January I'll be able to say, "He's coming home next year!" Hahaha silly I know, but it's awesome :) I'm so excited to start hearing about how he's doing with his teaching and stuff. I'm excited to get letters. I'm so proud of him. I know he's only been out maybe 3 weeks, but I still feel like it's been forever. But a good forever. I can finish what I need to, while he serves the Lord where he needs to. I know he'll be back one day; I know he isn't gone forever.. just temporarily. :) I'm sending his package this week, and I hope he likes what I'm sending him! Ah, anyway, I just love Brady.

I saw the movie Tangled and it was so cute. I would see it again 4382947328437284037483204832 more times!!!! I went with my mother and sister. It was so good to spend time with them :) Also, I passed my math final. Like, with flying colors. I don't think I could've been so happy. I also passed my Psychology final. What the!? I couldn't pass the AP class but I passed the one I take when I'm actually in college!? Doesn't make sense, but either way I'm glad. One class is missing (well two but I know I got an A in one) and so technically I have a 3.1 GPA right now, but it'll go up by the end of this week! :) Yahooooooo!

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Also, I wanted to share this picture.

This picture stood out to me when I came across it. Especially with me having to decide where to attend college next. I can use this in my everyday life and it's just a reminder that I need to.
Anyway, have a great Christmas week everyone :)