Happy Birthday Andy! :)

Andy & I - EFY 2009 - Rexburg, Idaho

Well today, is my sweet Andy's 18th birthday! (December 26th).  The picture of him & I that I've posted, has to be my favorite of us to; and unfortunately, it's 1 of the only 3 pictures I have with him :( So I cherish those three pictures, big time.

Anyway, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Andy's birthday. It is the day after Christmas. I wanted to go visit his grave today, since I did last year on his birthday, because it's his birthday, and because I haven't been since May. It started to snow and I was getting bummed out that I might not be able to drive, because his grave is in Kaysville. My mother finally let me go, and I told her that if the weather got worse that I would turn around and come home. Well, it wasn't bad at all; maybe some slush, and wet roads, mist and a little rain. But I made it safely :)

The graveyard was quiet. I was the only one there. Which was nice. I like going by myself, because then it's just Andy & Me time :) I've only brought one person before and I felt bad having them sit in the car, so I decided from now on I'm going by myself! It was really nice, I brought a towel so I could sit down next to his grave and not get a wet butt from the snow! I won't go into details about anything I talked about or did, but it was really good for me to be there. Especially by myself; I felt peace and at first I got a feeling, that my Andy wasn't there anymore, and that he'd left Earth and gone to Heaven already, but after staying for a while, I could feel that he was there again. I wonder if he left Heaven to visit with me in spirit :) I cried a lot, but I've also got a lot to cry about, and feeling a little more emotional this week than  normal. But I'm really glad I went, and I'm so grateful my parents let me go today ♥

One thing I did when I visited his grave in May, was visit the Bountiful, Utah Temple on the way home, and I decided to make that a tradition, so I stopped by again today on my way home :) It was beautiful, and the sun came out just as I was leaving. I loved that I was able to go to the Temple, even just to stand outside the gate was a blessing. Families Are Forever. I know that Andy will be with his family again, especially his little girl. I know that Heavenly Father is with him, and keeping him safe and helping him become happier and healthier, and teaching him more than I could imagine. Some days its hard to accept the absence of someone forever, but my work here still isn't done, and Andy's work needed to be so I could learn from his work, to press forward with mine. I love my sweet Andy so very much, and I always will.

I love you Andy :)

His daughter, isn't she beautiful?

I wrote a message for him in the snow :p

Quick story, my friend Sam (who also went to EFY with Andy & I and was a good friend to Andy & I) is serving a mission in Denver, Colorado. He left the day we both found out Andy passed away last year. And I remember just thinking, 'How am I going to do it without Sam? He's the only who truly knows what I'm going through, and the only one I can go to about Andy.' When I last talked to Sam on the phone, I cried a little I'll admit, but it was hard because the only part of Andy I had left was leaving with Sam. Nobody else in this world (besides Andy's family) was connected to the situation with me. But my friend Lexi told me this, "Just think of this as Sam and Andy's mission." - I actually thought that was cool, and we both got chills when she said that. It was even more insane when I got my first letter from Sam and he told me he felt the Spirit so strongly when he was being ordained to a District Leader and he said he just knew that Andy was there with him. He wrote me again telling me of a young lady they're teaching, whose uncle just passed away (who took his own life too) and asked to send a poem Andy's family found in his backpack, and a couple talks on the topic. I felt truly grateful to have this opportunity to help someone else go through the loss of someone when they take their own life, through Sam. It's amazing. I felt really happy to send Sam those things, and even gave him an extra notes and book ideas and quotes to give to her, just because I know how hard it is. It was great doing service through a missionary.

Overall, (if his family reads this too) I'm grateful for Andy, and the blessing he was in my life. I'm grateful he went to EFY the same week I did in Idaho. I'm so grateful to have gotten to know him in the two months that I did. I'm grateful for the memories I cherish and hold dear to my heart, that help remind me of the wonderful person he was. I'm grateful for the help and support I've had through this loss, and especially his family for thinking of me every now and then. Even though I never got to know his family, I'm grateful for them too. I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.