"Don't Pray When it Rains if You Don't Pray When the Sun Shines."

This post is a little for me and just venting, and if someone wants to read it, they may.

So I've had a lot to say this month. More than most months since June and July. I've just decided it's easier for me to blog about things than to write them in my journal, but I'm still doing my best to write in it. I've been going through so much in my life it is crazy!

Most people know me as the "goody-good mormon" lol, my roommates all thought I was going to be that "quiet book of mormon girl" hahaha it makes me laugh, but it's a compliment. A compliment that I wished I still lived up too. :/ I miss my Heavenly Father. I miss His warmth. I miss His hugs, and His love. I miss His Holy Temples, and the ordinances that take place inside, and being apart of the ordinance that starts it all. I miss the Sacrament, and General Conference, Bishops, Ward Members, Scriptures, Lessons, 3 hour church meetings, Sunday best, Sabbath Day, morning and evening prayers, daily scripture reading. I feel like all of that and more has been wiped away from my life completely.

I've written a lot of missionaries these past couple years. It's just a delight and I enjoy it! It's always so nice to hear from people who know how well the work of the Lord is going on in other parts of the world. I was reading a blog of a missionary I know (his sister posts his letters) and I couldn't help but just completely feel the Spirit overtake me. It made me want to serve a mission. I get so excited when I hear/read how hard missionaries are working for the church. How obedient and faithful they are. It inspires me. I've been having a hard time accepting the fact I only have one more month with Brady before I have to wait two years. But then I remember all the amazing letters I'll get. How I get to personally know someone who is changing the world one step at a time in England. I can't believe he has this opportunity and I'm glad he's taking it because if I could serve a mission right now, I'd take the chance in a heartbeat.

Missionaries are amazing people. Both Elders and Sisters. I really love seeing the Sister missionaries downtown at the Salt Lake Temple. They're so sweet and from all over the world. They're serving at my FAVORITE place in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. Sometimes it makes me wished I was serving with them. I love seeing Elders on the side of the road, or pretty much anywhere. There is a missionary companionship in Ephraim (where I'm going to college) and I was shocked when I first saw them because Ephraim is so small, not a lot of people, yet amazing because the Lord still feels it is important for Ephraim to have missionaries. We have two English speaking, and two Spanish speaking Elders. Institute is my very favorite part of my day. I'm really sad it's a lot shorter than seminary, but it's enough to get me by. I think next semester I'll have Institute be my first class so I can start the day off with the Spirit.

Anyway, I guess I need to quit telling myself I'll try harder everyday to read my scriptures and pray, because it's not happening. I haven't been to the Temple in over 2 months :( And before that, it had been MONTHS. I love the Manti Temple, but I don't have a car or I'd drive there ALL the time. It was hard moving away from three Temples that I had easy access too. I need to quit making excuses for myself. I have a roommate, who read a quote her friend tweeted, it was, "Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines." - Satchel Paige. I really believe that. That quote is TOTALLY me. I really need to pray to the Lord whenever. I shouldn't wait till I REALLY need help, or am feeling lost, lonely, and hurt.

I love my Lord. My testimony hasn't ever changed and it never will. The loss of my friend, a best friend and the life changing experience called college has had a lot of influence and pressure on me and the way I live, but I'm doing my best. I have a hard time dealing with change, and I haven't been able to get over this one. I guess I could say I'm going to keep working hard, but I'm not working hard enough. I feel like I need to serve a mission just to make myself work hard. I need something, I need help. I don't want my Heavenly Father to be my last resort for anything. I'm not going to let that happen anymore. I'm going to need him more than ever, everyday of my life, starting now.

This song, is definitely how I'm feeling now. It's amazing and has helped me through a lot.

In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen. ♥

Sisters ♥

This is for my sisters, Linsey & Jessica. I love you both very much!

I was using this new free slideshow program and
this is my example, I knew I should do something
for my sisters since I don't see them often, and they're
my best friends :) If you watch, I hope you enjoy.

1 Year

This post is a little for venting, and a tribute as well.

I cannot believe a year ago today, my life went down a very rocky road.

Today is the day my dear friend Nathan Andrew Edgar passed away. :(

I never wanted this day to come. Since the day I found out, I never wanted it to be a day since he was gone, a week, a month, a couple months, half a year, and even a year... But I can't control time. I wonder why it has to just fly by the way it does.. I have so many memories and can remember things SO WELL everyday after I found out. I can remember that week, PERFECTLY. As if it was yesterday..

I can't believe he's gone. I miss him terribly. Every day. It's gotten a little easier, well a lot easier compared to how I used to be the first months, but it's still hard. I feel like I'm secretly suffering sometimes. There are days where I can go without thinking about it, and be happy and enjoy life. But then there are those days that I just can't stop thinking about him, and I just feel like there's so much I still gotta work through and move on from. It's been a journey, I can tell you that.

I have a good friend, Sam. Andy & I met him at EFY. He was in our group too! We all became the three amigos that entire week and it was so fun!! I loved every minute of it because of them :) I have many great memories and pictures and such! Anyway, he lives in California. He got his mission call I think in September, and he's serving the Colorado Denver, North mission. Today was his farewell and Wednesday is when he leaves. I cannot believe it! :/ I remember talking to him about it last summer and knowing he had so long before he could even start his papers, and now he's leaving for two years in just three days. He called me yesterday (Sunday) and read me his talk he gave in sacrament. (It was really good!) Not a lot of people understand what it's like to go through a loss of a friend, but Sam does. I've been having mixed feelings of him leaving on his mission because I feel like the last part I have of Andy is leaving for two years. No communication but letters, but I think this will be good. I can do this. I'm proud of Sam.

Anyway, he was able to fly out in one day to come to dear Andy's funeral with me. It was so sweet of his dad to let him and it was just one day I'll never forget! It was also the hardest..

So even though I could go on about more of the sad stuff, and just sit and complain about how I miss him and such, I'm not going to. (I'll save that for my journal ;)...) I'm going to write about all the happy memories and moments from Andy's & I relationship/friendship!! :)

This is where I kind of first met Andy! We were chosen, (along with Roger and Guilia) to make the banner for our company. He was so funny I remember, and he did a lot of the painting. I think that's when we became pals :)


This was the first dance that we kind of starting becoming even better friends. This is Sam, Andy, Brogan, Me, & Lexi at the dance!


I remember this picture like it was yesterday. We were walking linked arm in arm and there was this camera looking thing (except it wasn't a camera) that a construction worker had out, and as we walked to our company spot we all said, "Work it work it, own it own it" and then "follow the yellow brick road!" Hahahahaha this is Sam, Me, Brogan, Lexi & Andy


Our company - "Real Intent" (Moroni 10:4 and 5)


This is Sam, Andy & I in the auditorium for some instructions on the service project. This is where Andy started to open up to me :) He was so sweet and just telling me things. I remember he would tease me about how tired I was and then he told me, "My shoulder is hear to rest on if you want" Hahaha I remember thinking, wow, hahaha and then I said, "thanks!" And from then on, our relationship started :)


This is more instruction for the service project. I love this picture :) It's my favorite! I have a copy of it in my wallet! My mom loves this picture. It means a lot to me.


Hahaha they were arguing over which was better. Sam is West side, Andy is East side and I decided to be both :)


This is my second favorite picture! :) (On Lexi's facebook he commented after I said, this is cute! He said, yeah except for me, we both look so tired! I remember laughing.. he teased me so much!) This is us during the service project. He was so cute that day. He told me I could lay on his arm, or his leg if I was tired and I remember thinking it was so sweet of him and stuff. That's when I really started to like him!


This is our finished product :) Lexi, Sam, Andy, Me and Michael


These are my favorite pictures of Sam, Andy & I
This was the last dance of the week. I remember I danced with Sam and he asked me if I liked Andy as more than a friend and asked me how my week was and all that jazz. Then the next slow song, Andy came and asked me to dance and I remember feeling so happy! He then said, "So I'm pretty sure you like me." and I just kind of gave him a look, and he said, "It's okay, cause I feel the same way." And then we talked more about it and I just remember feeling happier than ever at that moment!! He was such a sweet boy and I felt lucky to have met him!



This is the three amigos at the end of the week slide show. I remember this moment like none other. Andy was so cute!! During the slide show they were playing this song by Hilary Weeks, "One By One" and it talks about Christ knowing us one by one and Andy turned to me and said, "I'm that one" and I remember thinking, wow. The spirit has really touched his heart. (Even during testimony meeting he just cried during his testimony and it was so real and intense. I remember writing him a letter)


Hardest goodbye. We woke up the next morning at six and finished reading as a company. He brought a blanket and came and sat next to me. We then hugged and he left and I remember feeling sad like I wasn't ever going to see him again. Then on the way home I heard this song called Fallin' For You by Colbie Calliat (it had just come out) and I thought of him.

Now, I now I've just posted about a lot, but those are some happy memories :) One last one I have is when he took me to the musical "Scarlet Pimpernail" with his family. I just remember pulling up at the drop off and there he was, standing as handsome as ever, with a smile on his face because he saw me. We went inside and sat the whole time. And he even held my hand :) We didn't sit by his family but I still got to meet them. They've very sweet. (I still stay in touch with them now, and even thought I've only met them a few times, they still mean very much to me.) After the fact we went to dinner and it was just him and I sitting in a booth and his family sat somewhere else. It was fun!! :) He dropped me off at home and he met my parents and I just remember thinking I had the best day ever!! :) I also loved it when we would talk on the phone at night and he would call and text me through messenger.

I truly knew I was sent to help him through whatever at the time I did. He was such a good friend to me and I really miss him. I miss hearing his voice and talking with him on the phone. I miss seeing his smiling face and just talking to him. I miss knowing the chance to see him again in person will never happen until Heaven. I'm learning to accept it. I thank the Lord everyday I had the wonderful opportunity to attend that session at EFY and meet him, know him for as long as I did, and then learn from his passing. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish he were here. I love him and I miss him. I care so much about him and his family. They were kind enough to send me some memorable things that have helped me, if any of them ever read this, I hope they know how thankful I am for them sending me those sketches of Andy & Christ. I've done so much for Andy. I created a t-shirt logo and I corporated his rose into it, then I signed my final ASL project song to Why by Rascal Flatts in his behalf. It's powerful. (It's on youtube, Why - Rascal Flatts - ASL). Anway, I love and miss him and I know he's in Heavenly Father's care. One year down, I'm proud of myself.

I love and miss you Andy!

College 3

Oh the joys of college life :)

This is what I walk to class in everyday.

The weather is BEAUTIFUL here.



(This is another picture of the beautiful leaves on the ground, it looks like yucky stuff, but I promise it's leaves!)



Oh how I love fall weather :)
It reminds me of home and my mommy!

The Lord is truly blessing me with such beautiful weather, and atmosphere.
I'm so happy :)

Fall Break '10!

So I just had fall break! I had so much fun :) I got out of school on Wednesday and headed home for a long weekend! Brady got a job and was training that week all for 2 days, so I stayed at home with my little sister and just relaxed :) It was really fun and I loved being with my sister! It made me miss home so much!! Just the smell of my home made me miss it! I got homework done, and studying in for my test this week! It was nice! I got to visit my aunt & uncle on Saturday and it was awesome :) I grew up at their house alot and so it was fun going back after a long time! Brady & I then went to the mall and browsed. We went to Deseret Book. Goodness I wish I could just LIVE in that store!!!! Anyway, I then went home and finished up my homework and then Brady, Jess & I went to my cousin Skye & Ty's to carve pumpkins with them and my other sister & her husband. It was SO fun! I hate carving pumpkins so Brady & I got a pumpkin to share and so I watched him carve it :p Hahaha I had a lot of fun being with family! I've been so, all about family lately. I really think this class I'm taking has something to do with it, also the church. My father spoke in church today on preparing to enter the Temple and he did such a great job! He works downtown for the church and he is ALWAYS by the Salt Lake Temple and it's just, amazing! My dad is so lucky but it's so good for him, and such a blessing! Anyway, here are some photos of my break! :)

My Hobby

Do I really have a hobby?? Sheesh! I wish! I kind of do, but I don't really do much so technically they aren't hobbies.

Anyway, one thing I've become obsessed with is digital scrapbooking! I love it :) It's so fun, easier than spending HOURS cutting, gluing/taping, buying paper, and all sorts of things! You just put it together with either photoshop (or my newly founded love, Scrapbook MAX! 2.0!! I want it for Christmas!) and many other things. I've just decided I need something to do with my time. I need a hobby! It was extremely hard to find a job here in Ephraim, and I've yet to find one still, so in the mean time, I want something to do :) I've become addicted to crafts and creating things! I love looking at blogs that give you ways to create cute things of all different subjects! I really want to learn to digital scrapbook for Brady's mission, but we'll see how it goes :) Anway, here are some copies of the pages I did today. They gave me the pages, all I had to do was put in the pictures. I made some on my own, and I'm putting those on Brady's mission blog. (The link is found on my blog). Have a wonderful Fall break college students!!

Active Parenting & Families

So I'm taking a Family Relations class and I love it! I knew the second I signed up for it, that it was going to be amazing! I've always wanted to do some sort of counseling/therapy/psychology type major and help others. I'm always wanting to help others. Well we started this book (to the left) in my class. This class has to be my favorite this semester. We watched a video today full of situations on how to help kids with the way they are feeling and the certain responses we should be giving them. I know I'm going to learn a lot from this book, so I'm glad I bought it! I also bought another book called, 7 Habits For A Highly Effective Family (I think! Hahaha) and I'm excited to learn from that one as well. The other day I was pondering about the classes I should consider taking next semester and I was thinking about making sure this major (Psychology) was the one I wanted. I got on the schools website and looked up the information, then I looked at the major for Family & Consumer Sciences and looked at the classes required and such and I was drawn to FCS more than I was to the Psych classes. I've thought about it a lot, talked with my mom on whether or not I should change my major. Well I came across a talk the other day (due to a very long train of thought) and I came across this part,

"One day I ran into my uncle while I was visiting at my grandparent’s house. “How’s school?” he inquired. “Have you chosen a major?” “Yep. Advertising.”

“Advertising? Never heard of such a major. Do you think that’s wise?” Then he made a statement I’ll never forget: “The Savior spent 30 years preparing for his brief three-year ministry. You have three years of college left. Don’t you think you should spend them preparing for your lifetime ministry?”

A sword pierced clear through me couldn’t have cut any deeper. I was given cause to ponder. I thought about my mother. Had her education prepared her for her ministry as a wife and mother? She had graduated in dramatic arts. I’d never seen her on stage, but she annually directed the winning stake road show, and every Sunday School or sacrament meeting talk I ever gave was rehearsed to perfection under her tutelage. What if I married right out of college and never worked in my field? Could I use an advertising major to further the Lord’s work? Would it be of any benefit to my children?"

That has stuck in my head FOREVER now. I think about it every day. Every class I go to, when I do my homework, when I study and when I prepare. I think about if this is preparing me to be the mother, wife, daughter, sister, sister-in-law, etc. that Heavenly Father plans for me to be. Part of this talk I read is the reason I've decided to change my major. I'm more happier and willing to learn and study in my Family Relations class than I am in my Psychology class. When I look at what classes the FCS major has to offer, I get more excited and want to take all of them, where with Psychology I dread all the classes and know they're going to be hard. I guess I should have considered the challenge, but I want to love what I major in. I want to love what degree I graduate with. I want it to help me be that mother I've dreamed of being, that wife I've always hoped to be and I know this major will help me do that. I'm so grateful for this class.

*********

Now, on the the other note. Families :) I love my family. I just love the very idea of families. I love my family and cannot wait to have one of my own. I know it's a lot of hard work and takes so much out of you, but that's what I'm here for. To be in a family, and to have my own. The family is the center of Heavenly Father's plan and I want to bring forth other of his children. My patriarchal blessing excites me and I love reading it when it talks about families and marriage.

Many of you know that I'm dating a young man named Brady :) He's so sweet. He's perfect for me and in my eyes. I love him more and more everyday. It's been a little hard being away from him all week, but this is where I need to be right now and I know it'll pay off in the end. He's leaving on his mission December 2 and I'm just amazed at how fast time is going! My family always teases and complains that I never spend time with them when I'm home on the weekend. Well, part of that is because Brady is leaving soon. I know that shouldn't be how I treat my family but I want to spend as much time with Brady as I can before he leaves. I love my family and I appreciate them being there for me. I write about them so much, especially my parents, but it's because I love them!

Anyway, I love Brady. He's one amazing young man, and the way we've gotten close is amazing, and more different than I've ever imagined. We talk about things we want, things we want to improve on, things we dream of, our future plans, what we enjoy about life and how happy we are. He is a pleasing kind of person. He is always making sure I'm happy and that I'm laughing and that I'm okay. I am comfortable just calling him now when I'm having a bad day, sometimes I know he won't know what to say but the fact that he lets me just call him is wonderful. I think we're really starting to have a good based friendship underneath our relationship. He's going to be such a wonderful missionary and change lives! He's so excited! He'll be going through the Temple soon and I know it'll be one experience he'll never forget. I can't wait for him to come home. I want to be with him when he gets back, and I know he'd be one amazing father/husband. I know I'm young and I still have 2 years to date others and hear from Brady and find myself and grow up a bit more, but this whole college thing has taught me a lot. I clean a lot now. My roommates and I usually complain about how dirty our apartment is and at first it was about who has cleaned it the most but now I've just decided to just clean it. I've deep cleaned it a few times and just done the dishes or wash towels, and such. I do it because I want to make my roommates happy and help them have a nice, clean, warm apartment to come home to if they have a hard day. And I also do it because it's soothing for me. I took that from my mother and I couldn't be happier. Cleaning helps relieve my stresses and always is relaxing afterwards. I'm learning a lot by living with other people besides my family that I know I can use in my future!

Woohoo for the future! :) I'm happy to be me and I love my family :) Thank you Heavenly Father!