Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership With God

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. I think about school, and how far I will go. I think about what job I will have. The things I will buy, the money that I'll save. I also think about the time I'll spend with family and friends. What memories I make, what trips I'll take. Where the Lord will lead me. What callings I'll have the opportunity to serve. And then I think about getting married.

Now I'm pretty sure, it's every girls dream to be married. Sealed for time and all eternity to her sweetheart in the Lord's House! And I dream of that day. I dream of the day that I become a woman in Christ. That I become a wife to a wonderful husband, and together we'll face eternity. And last but not least, I become a mother. ♥

 "..our Father has entrusted us as women with His children, and He has asked us to love them and help lead them safely past the dangers of mortality back home."

 - Sheri Dew

I am so lucky. I'm so lucky and grateful to be entrusted here on Earth, to take care of Spirits from my Heavenly Home, here. For Heavenly Father to share with me something so special to him, makes it that much more special to me. I know motherhood is not easy. I'm not a mother myself, but from examples, and stories, I can understand that it's hard.

Which is why I'm extremely grateful when I get the opportunity to take care of my nephew, even for a few hours, it's complete bliss. I learn so much from him, my mom, my sisters, and even my brother. My brother and sister-in-law are just so amazing with their baby :) Like, they've had kids before! It's just so sweet. I'm learning patience, and kindness, and loving them with all your heart. I was sick all last week, and it just felt nice to hold him again, without worrying if I would cause him to get sick or not. He's just a cute baby. He's funny and he's always telling us "stories." Basically he just coo's  but it's just so cute! :) He loves playing with his feet, and he loves anything bright and anything that makes noises :) I just love spending time with him. I'm learning ways to help calm him down when he gets fussy, or when he's hungry. I even changed his diaper for the first time. Me and my sister! Haha, it was hilarious, but I did it, and I'm proud of myself! I always wondered if my mom would be there to help me, when the day came to change a diaper, but instead, she handed me the baby and said, he needs his diaper changed. Hahahaha :) But it feels great to be learning so much from taking care of my nephew.

"Loving and leading—these words summarize not only the all-consuming work of the Father and the Son, but the essence of our labor, for our work is to help the Lord with His work. How, then, may we as Latter-day women of God best help the Lord with His work? Prophets have repeatedly answered this question, as did the First Presidency six decades ago when they called motherhood “the highest, holiest service … assumed by mankind.”

 - Sheri Dew

I'm so grateful to be female. To be apart of this great Plan of Happiness, and to know that one day I can be a mother. Whether I can bare my own, or if adoption is an option. Either way, I'm going to be a mother, no matter what it takes. Because being a mother is a calling I promised in Heaven, that I'd fulfill here on Earth!

So, to all you moms out there: Thank you :) For being you, setting the example, blogging about your motherhood lives, sharing photographs and stories. It helps influence me to live each and everyday, worthy of becoming a mother :) So, thank you.

And a special thank you to my own mother. You are anything and everything I hope to be as a mother. ♥

The Waiting Game

Haha, can you guess what this post is about!?
No, NOT Brady!!
................
.............................
Okay, maybe it is about Brady. But oh well :) I like blogging about him! :) Anyway, I found this video on Youtube of some missionaries singing a song. Here it is:






Okay, so is it just me? Or are boys soooo silly. Hahaha I mean, boys are hilarious together! They come up with the funniest things EVER, and they act funny together, they joke around, they're like the best of friends. They're not emotional, which is why they're so funny. And they're well..... boys! Sometimes I wonder what missionary just says, "Hey guys, let's make a video singing a song!" And then what causes boys to start acting silly!? Hahaha I don't know, but I love it! :) It makes me happy! I hope that Brady is good friends with his companion, and has been with his past companions, and will be in the future. He's not one to talk much, but he does talk!

One reason why I post this today, is because Brady has officially been out for 200 days! Super exciting, right!? :) I think so! Anyway, I'll share with you some things I've learned in the last 200 days:

1. School is important. Getting good grades, showing up to class, etc.
2. Your family will always be there for you.
3. It's really good to laugh. So good.
4. Doing things when you don't feel like doing it, actually benefits you.
5. Make yourself get up for school.
6. Make yourself get ready for the day. i.e.: hair done, makeup done, outfit worn.
7. Eat food. Healthy food. Buy good groceries.
8. Christmas is really all about Christ.
9. Winter is STILL horrible.
10. You will have trials with friends.
11. The Lord and the Scriptures are there for you.
12. Institute is a good priority. You do in fact benefit from going.
13. Making new friends helps you when you're feeling lonely.
14. Remembering to smile.
15. And writing letters is good for the soul :)

Okay, so for the most part, I learned a lot of things, but to sum it all up, I learned to be independent. It's been good for me! I've learned so much! I've met so many other girls who are waiting for missionaries, those who've had successes, and those who haven't. But in the end, it doesn't matter. What matters is the plan that Heavenly Father has for you. And yes, He has a plan. Sometimes we may not like it, others we just may feel too blessed and lucky to have this plan. My love for Brady has yet to sink since he's been gone, and it never will. He's my sweetheart. He's the one I want to be with. I've felt this way for a very long time, and I plan on feeling this way for eternity. I'm so proud of him and how far he's come in just 6 short months. He only has 1 week and 6 days until his 7 month mark, and I'm just dumbfounded. I feel like 6 months just got here, and it's already cruising!! :) I'm definitely a happy camper.





This might sound odd, but I'm glad Brady is on his mission. This is definitely going to be a story to tell, and it's the most perfect addition to our love story :) This mission can make or break the both of us. So, here's to the future! :)

Happy Father's Day! :)

Today is such a wonderful and special day! :)
It's Father's Day!

"The sacred title of 'father' is shared with the Almighty. In the Church men are called and released. Did you ever hear of a mortal father being released? Fatherhood is not a matter of station or wealth; it is a matter of desire, diligence, and determination to see one’s family exalted in the celestial kingdom. If that prize is lost, nothing else really matters".

- President Ezra Taft Benson

I'm grateful for my Father. I'm so glad that he's mine! He's so sweet and caring. He works very hard to provide for my family, and I appreciate it so much! He's given me the world, even when things are tough. He married the most beautiful woman ever, and together, they are eternally perfect. I know that my Father loves my mom very much and would do anything for her. I love the example he sets of making sure the gospel is a priority in your life. He really loves his job and I know that working in the Church Office Building is having a great influence on this man. My dad is tough and strong and knows how to do everything! He just ceases to amaze me! :) He's really funny, and has always been supportive of me and things in my life. The one thing I'll always be grateful for, is him letting me dance. Dance is my passion, and for him to make all the sacrifices he did so that I could live my passion, is something I'll never forget. It means a whole lot to me!! Thanks daddy! I love youu!!

"Fathers, yours is an eternal calling from which you are never released. Callings in the Church, as important as they are, by their very nature are only for a period of time, and then an appropriate release takes place. But a father’s calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity."

- President Ezra Taft Benson

 Today is my brother's very first Father's Day! I am so happy for him! My brother is amazing, and means a whole lot to me! He absolutely loves being a dad to my nephew. It just comes naturally to him, like he's raised a child before. My brother is really kind, and caring. He is really good to make Evan happy, and to take care of him too! He's so sweet to Crystal, and they are so lucky to have each other! They couldn't have found anyone more perfect for each other! They're the cutest little family, and I'm so happy to be related to them! :) I know my brother will raise his son well, and I know he'll use the example of many leaders, and my dad to make decisions on how to raise him. I know he'll be careful, understanding, and loving to him. My brother has such a tender heart, and I just love him! Happy Father's Day brother!! :)


And last, but not least.... Happy Father's Day to my wonderful Father in Heaven! :) I'm so lucky to be a Daughter of God, who loves me unconditionally perfect. I'm so lucky to have a Father in Heaven who blessed me with a Father on Earth. He's amazing and has been by my side through every single trial, good time, sad time, mad time, happy time, etc. He's been there to hug me when a single tear fell, and He was there when I graduated high school. I know my Heavenly Father isn't with my physically, but he is through my earthly Father. He's with me through prayer, the Holy Spirit, and my friends :) I'm so blessed, and I love my Heavenly Father SO very much!! ♥

 Happy Father's Day everyone! :)

Not A Day Goes By..

This could be an intense venting post.

Just a heads up.

I don't know what started it, but yesterday, while driving home from work, a thought just randomly, but quickly, entered my mind. I should go visit Andy's grave. It's been a while. And then I played the song "Back to December" by Taylor Swift and it completely explains the situation of Andy and I. I wanted to start crying, but I couldn't. I couldn't get him out of my mind all night long. The song "The Prayer" by Celine Dion (and sung by many others) came on my iPod. That is the song Andy's school choir sang at his funeral, and I just wanted to hug him. It's been so long since I've felt any emotion about losing him. It's been a long time since I've just stayed at home because my heart was too broken to do anything else. It's been a while since I've written about him in my journal and on here. It's been a while since I've read things from the folder I got in grieving group from my senior year. It's been a while since I've read "Tear Soup."

As I'm putting dance pictures away, because the memories still sting. (Well, some of them) I see the journal that contains that broken heart that used to survive in my chest. So, knowing me, I picked it up. I opened it just to put the marker in it. But then I started flipping through pages and such to see what I wrote. Than I was interested in what was the last day that I wrote in my journal. Then I started reading ahead. A lot of it was about an ex-lover, and mostly of my friend Andy. I cannot believe how torn I was over Andy. My entire senior year. I couldn't sleep at night. I was feeling regret, and I blamed myself for a lot of things.

In one journal entry, I wrote this, "So back to talking about feelings for him... I like him but the more I think about it, I don't want to fool myself into thinking I'm only using him for the comfort Andy left me without. Am i? :/ idk." - I can't even begin to tell you how much that crossed my mind during my senior year of high school. Another entry, I stated, "J watched this Ghost Whisperer show yesterday, this girl and boy like each other but then he dies, haunts her and shows her. Well then she almost dies, the ghost whisperer lady saves her so then she gets one last chance to talk to him and she says, "Will you tell him to look for me when it's my time to join him?" and he tells the lady he says yes. Then he crosses over. I started to get teary-eyed because I want that. So badly to speak with him and see him. :(" - I've watched that episodes SO many times. It would mean so much to me to see my Andy once more in this life. That one last day. One last chance. One more minute. Hour. Glimpse of him, while I continue this life. But I know that won't happen, so that's why I depend on his grave site. Because it will always be there for me, because he's in Heaven.

I really can't even begin to tell you how fast things can change. The last four entries in that journal are proof. One day I'm super excited about going to this event with my ex, and how we had a great time hanging out that day. LITERALLY two days later, I write that things are over. And that I'm so broken. I write about how hard things are without him, and now I feel more alone than ever when it comes to dealing with Andy. There are so many factors that play in the biggest road bump in my journey, but I'm going to leave them out.

I'm doing extremely better months...years later, but it wasn't easy getting to where I am. I had so much support from my family, and friends and licensed counselors, and church leaders, and most of all my Savior Jesus Christ. I'm doing amazing now! I met someone who is irreplaceable! When I look back at those journal entires I just find myself thinking of how different I was. I'm amazed at how I thought this boy was everything I'd ever need. That he was the best thing I could ever find. The things I said and the way I talked about him, just make me laugh. I was so stupid to think that what we had was real at the time.. because looking back, I was definitely wrong.

Brady is my bigger and better. He treats me perfectly. He fulfills things that my past couldn't. He understands, listens, and cares. He only ever wants me to smile, and that's something my ex never thought of doing. Now, I'm not here to bash him, because at the time, he was exactly what I needed to get through my senior year after my sweet Andy passed away. I'm grateful he was there for me because nobody else could be the way he was. He carried me, and that is how the Savior met my needs. The heartbreak was worse than anything I've ever experienced before, and it's a wound that only stings now. Nothing big, nothing dramatic, nothing to lose sleep over, to cry over, to waste my time thinking about. But when it does come up, I feel a little sting, think of how dumb it is, and tomorrow comes.

This isn't how I was hoping this post would go, but I'm always glad to get off my chest whatever I can. Judge me how you want. Think of me how you want, be angry and think I'm dumb for still wasting my time even thinking about this stuff. But pain is real, and when I feel it, I feel it. So go ahead, but I'd rather you learn something from this. I'd rather you learn to have compassion for others. To learn how someone can just need a hug. With no explanation needed. To learn to keep those who are struggling in your prayers, and to notice when the Lord needs you to be his instrument in someone elses life. Also, to learn the things can chance faster than a second. Your life can take a turn that you didn't think existed. Learn from it. Embrace it. Face it. And go with it, because I didn't. And I don't want anyone to choose the path of grief that I did. I know my Tear Soup is just sitting underneath my bed. It'll never be completely done, and there isn't a correct recipe for it. All I know is that it exists, and I'm grateful for my Tear Soup. Learn that it's okay to cry. Even over a heartbreak. A silly, little, heartbreak over a boy that was once your entire world. Don't ever apologize for crying, and don't ever let someone try and stop you.

I feel like Andy is frozen at the young age of 16... That I'll never have a perfect picture in my mind of what he'd look like now, what he'd be doing. What school he'd be going to in the fall, and if we'd be hanging out. I feel like Peter Pan and Wendy... he'll live in Neverland and I'll always be here; growing up.

One week from Monday will be the 20 month anniversary since I found out my sweet Andy left us. It's definitely bitter sweet, and I'll definitely be visiting his grave soon. I love my Andy. I always will. I love Brady. With all my heart, but Andy will always own a piece of that. After my family, he'll be the first person I find in Heaven on the morning of the First Resurrection.

God lives. Saves. and Loves us.
Unconditionally.
In His Beloved name,
Amen.

My 21st & 22nd Letter ♥

very happy day.

Today was a fantastic day and total blog worthy. So after work, I came home. I am sure you can imagine to what.

Chyeah
:)

2 letters!!!!!!!!! :) I've never been so happy!!! I didn't get one last week, but I got one this week. And when I opened it up, 2 papers inside :) So happy! Hahaha So, without further ado, I'll share some pieces of the stinkin' cuteness my best friend sends me! :)

(Letter #1)

• He starts out, "My cutest, dearest, prettiest, most amazing BABE!" :)
• I have to look up the song, but this is exactly how he wrote it, "I'm faaaalliiing iiinto memories of you, and things we used to dooo. Follooow meee there, a beautiful somewhere, a place that I could share with YOOOUU!" - Hahaha, so cute!

(Letter #2)

• He starts telling me about our future family and kids' names. "I'd better let you know now that you won't be getting much say in deciding their names... I've already got them, for the most part ;) Our first girl's name has to be Kendal, no matter what. That's the tradition. I think Keswick (pronounced "Kezick") could be a cute name for a girl or boy. Ashton would be a good boy's name, and I think Stretford would be good as well. ;) Okay, maybe we'll have to decide later. ;)"

Hahahaha that is the best part of the ENTIRE letter. Hahaha before he left, he didn't want ANY girls, and only two boys. Then he left, and now he doesn't care. Haha I wonder if he remembers that his last name is pretty crazy, so the first name can't add to that! Also, I noticed that three of those 'names' are places he's served. Ironic? Haaa. Also, I have no idea what tradition he's talking about... Haha :) I just love him!

Okay, now.
I had my final day of training and had to take my test. We had to get an 85% or higher to pass! I studied last night and this morning! We did lots of reviewing and finally, the test came! I took it feeling confident, but a little unsure on a few. I went up and....

I passed.

Wahoo!! I was SO relieved! So now I'm officially an employee :)

He's Been There Before - Troy Whittle

He's Been There Before
Troy Whittle

The alarm rings at 6:30; I stumble to my feet
I grab my companion's bedding and pull off his sheet.
A groan fills the room. It's already time to arise?"
It seems like just a second ago I was able to shut my eyes.

The morning activities follow: study, prayer and such
When its time to leave the apartment, you feel haven't accomplished much
"We have a super day planned," my Companion says with a grin.
I lowly utter a faithless breath, Yea, if anyone lets us in.

With the word of God and my faithful Schwinn, we ride off in the street.
Prepared to face another day of humidity and heat
It's 9:30 in the evening, the day is almost through.
My companion and I are riding home, not accomplishing what we thought we'd do.

We ride up to the mail box hoping to receive a lot.
Only to look inside and hear my echo reverberate "AIR BOX"
We go up to our apartment; the day is now complete
the only thing to show for our work is a case of blistery feet

It's past 10:30 Pm, my companion is fast asleep.
Silence engulfs me all about and I begin to weep
In the midst of sadness I kneel down to pray;
I need to talk to Father, but I'm not sure what to say.

"Oh Father," I begin, "What happened to us today?
I thought we'd teach somebody, but everyone was away
My hands, my aching hands worn, hurt and beat
If our area was any smaller,we'd have knocked on every street."

Why on missions are the days so much alike?
the only difference about today was the flat tire on my bike.
Will you send some cooler weather? the heat is killing me!
I sweat so bad, it gets in my eyes. Its very hard to see.

Why do I have to wear a helmet, isn't your protection enough?
People always laugh at me and call me stupid stuff.
Please send us investigators so I may give them what they lack;
I want to give them Book Of Mormon, the weight of them hurts my back."

And what about my Family? They don't have much to say.
I'm sick of not hearing from home day after day.
Oh Father,why am I here, Am I just wasting my time?
Sometimes I just want to go home, I'm sorry but that's on my mind.

My Companion, Heavenly Father, what are you giving me?
The way he rides his bicycle I don't know if he can even see!
Now you have it, I can't go on. I DON'T KNOW what to do!
That, my Father in Heaven, is the prayer I leave you."

My prayer now finished I stand up, then jump right into bed.
I need my feet for tomorrow; we have another long day ahead
Sleep starts to overtake me, I seem to drift away.
Then it seems a vision takes me to another time in another day.

I'm standing alone on the hill, the view is very nice.
A man walks towards me and says, My name is Jesus Christ."
Tears of joy well up inside, I fall down to His feet.
"Arise he states, follow me to the shade you and I need to speak."

My attention towards my Savior, total and complete
He says, "Your Mission is similar of what happened to me.
I understand how you feel, I know what your going through;
In fact, it would be fair to say I've felt the same as you.

"Even know how you felt when no one listened to you
At times I felt now quite sure what else that I could do.
I know you don't like to ride a bicycle for a car would be sweet.
Just remember the donkey I rode I was not equipped with 21 speed.

I understand you don't like sweating, in fact it's something to hate.
I remember when I sweat blood from every pore, " Oh, the agony was great.
I see you don't like your companion you would rather have someone else.
I once had a companion named Judas who sold my life for wealth.

It's hard to wear a helmet and have people make fun of you.
I remember when they put thorns in my head and called me King of the Jews.
So you feel burdened down by the weight of your pack.
I recall how heavy the cross was when they slammed it on my back."

Your hands hurt from tracking and knocking on doors all day
I guess when they pounded nails into mine, I ache in a similar way.
It's hard not to hear from home when your family was not there to see.
I lost communication on the cross and cried, "Father, why has though forsaken me?"

We have a lot in common, but there is a difference between us you see.
I endured to the end and finished my mission, so follow and do like me."
He embraced me with his arms, His light filled me with His love.
With tears in my eyes, I watched as he went back to the Father above.

I stood with awe and wonder when a beep rang in my head.
I listened and heard the alarm, when I realized I was in my bed.
My companion let's out a groan, "6:30 already, no way!"
I sat up and said. Come on, I'll even carry your scriptures today!"

No matter what we go through when we feel we can't take more,
Just stop and think about Jesus Christ, He's been there before.

I'm sharing a song called I Am sung by Nichole Nordeman. Please listen to it an enjoy the following pictures of our amazing Savior Jesus Christ. Let the music, and words and pictures and thoughts take over, and feel the Spirit.

Unconditionally.

I know my Savior lives and loves me.

In His Sacred Name,

Amen.

My Apologies.

Okay, so I haven't blogged in like, a few days.
Weird, to be honest.
But I'll let you know what's up.
So brace yourself.

So I've been pretty sick since about Sunday night/Monday morning. I got a terrible cold; case of the sore through, coughing and stuffy nose. My head felt huge and it hurt so bad to swallow. Some of you know my medical condition and so when I get a cold, my lymph nodes swell, which causes my cyst to become irritated (because it's just happily sitting in the middle of my neck) and that causes very much pain for me. When we first found out my cyst was located in that area, it was caused by me not being able to swallow, or breathe very well. I went into the E.R. where we then determined we needed to do surgery. So being sick, is pretty hard on me. Even if it's just a cold, so that's why I've been a little absent from my blog, but I'm feeling better today. Just keep your fingers crossed that all it was, was a cold! :/

Well, Monday I started my training at America First Credit Union's training center! It's been a crazy week (so far) but I'm learning more about finances than I ever imagined I would. I'm kind of having to study a little bit, but that's okay. Credit Union's are a big deal, and I want to feel comfortable a accurate when working with members and their money! First two days were just the basic, new employee, introduction to the policies, rules, and such! But today was actual teller training, and it got a little overwhelming for me. But I'm not giving up and I'm going to continue to work hard!! :)

Also, I was able to go to Institute tonight, and we discussed Dating in the Book of Mormon. Haaa! At first I thought, okay, maybe there are examples of parents!?!? I don't know!! But then the more we discussed, the more the Spirit spoke to me, and the more I learned that the Book of Mormon does in fact teach us about dating. Crazy, and not often thought of, but it's true! I always comment. Always. Like, without fail do I have some sort of comment, or inspiration or thought come to mind that I love to share. Sometimes I always have to ask myself, Are you only sharing so others will think your responses are great? If so, are you going to let pride take over your heart? and Why won't you just write it down? Maybe the Spirit only intended for you to have that thought. So then I'm stuck. I'm not sure if anyone else suffers from this, but I always feel like I share too much. Is that possible!? Sometimes, I feel like I cause the teacher, whether it's been from seminary, institute, church classes, or anything of that sort, to think I'm a "know-it-all," and that's not what I want. Sometimes I just feel like, what I will share could possibly help somebody. Or lead the Spirit to help another person receive personal revelation, etc. I just stress myself out about this all the time. It's like, the teacher gives me 2 or 3 times to say something and then after that, I have to wait to share until next time. Even if tons of others are sharing. Darnet. Now I'm complaining... :( Anyway, I just really have a hard time.. Guess I should just pray. :)

And last but not least (at least, the last thing I can think of blogging about), is the sneak peak of my family pictures :)