He Loves Me

Wow... what is this?? 2 blog posts in 1 day?? Hahaha, this is great. Kara would be proud.

I'm holding back the tears as I write this. My Savior really is with me today. I don't know why, actually, maybe I do. But sometimes I just struggle. Sometimes I just have "one of those days." And it makes it hard, especially when your missionary comes home in exactly 10 days. Today is one of those days. I have experience with doubt, a lot. Sometimes I wonder what if, and I fear for things in my future. I worry and I'm scared. I pray that the Lord helps me submit to the will he has planned for me, but in all honesty, I'm scared. I'm scared of heartbreak. I'm scared of things not working out. I'm scared of what lies ahead for my future, with or without Brady. I'm struggling.

As mentioned in the post below, I read this talk in sacrament. I was going through and found some amazing quotes that caused me to tear up, and plead inside my heart, with my Father in Heaven, to help me feel comfort.

"These fiery trials are designed to make you stronger, but they have the potential to diminish or even destroy your trust in the Son of God and to weaken your resolve to keep your promises to Him. These trials are often camouflaged, making them difficult to identify. They take root in our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, our sensitivities, or in those things that matter most to us. A real but manageable test for one can be a fiery trial for another. How do you remain "steadfast and immovable" during a trial of faith? You immerse yourself in the very things that helped build your core of faith: you exercise faith in Christ, you pray, you ponder the scriptures, you repent, you keep the commandments, and you serve others."

"When faced with a trial of faith--whatever you do you don't step away from the Church! Distancing yourself from the kingdom of God during a trial of faith is like leaving the safety of a secure storm cellar just as the tornado comes into view."

"When you are faced with a test of faith, stay within the safety and security of the household of God. There is always a place for you here. No trial is so large we can't overcome it together."

"By definition, trials will be trying. There may be anguish, confusion, sleepless nights, and pillows wet with tears. But our trials need not be spiritual fatal. They need not take us from our covenants or from the household of God. (Helaman 5:12)."

 I find it kind of ironic that he shared my favorite scripture, Helaman 5:12, yet I never turned to it. My visiting teachers came over today, and I truly am grateful for them. Building a relationship with these wonderful women in my ward is really comforting. To see their dedication in coming to visit me, and their want to get to know me, and for me to learn to love and trust them, really is incredible. I hope they know how grateful I am for them.

I'm getting to my point of this post, I promise.

They came over to share a message with me, not knowing I've been struggling with these feelings. And one sister shared excerpts from this talk.

Wait, what was the title of that talk? The Lord Has Not Forgotten You. And this sister had NO idea how much I needed to hear that talk. It almost made me tear up because here I am in sacrament meeting, pleading to the Lord silently to help me feel comforted. To take away these doubts and anxiety. The Lord has not forgotten me, in fact, today, He has remembered me more than I could have asked for. I have really felt His love today. I have really felt like a Daughter of God that I am taught to be all my life. I will share something from that talk, that really stuck out to me:

"For the first time in many days, I knelt down and poured out my heart to my Father in Heaven, pleading for forgiveness for turning away from Him, telling Him all of my deepest feelings, and finally crying out that if this was what He really wanted me to do, I would do it. I knew He must have a plan for our lives. As I continued on my knees to pour out my heart, the sweetest, most peaceful, loving feeling came over me. It was as if a blanket of love was flowing over me. It was as if I could feel Heavenly Father saying, “That was all I needed to know.”

I am truly thankful for those sisters coming over today. And even though I didn't express my feelings, I didn't need to. They just knew, by the power of the Holy Ghost, that I needed to hear that talk today. That I need some extra comfort that the Lord is in fact remembering me. I am so lucky. I am so grateful for today. I love my Savior.

I've been listening to this song very much lately, and today, it has me in tears as I remember, He loves me. He truly loves me.
Now it's my turn to love the Lord. It is my turn to turn over my burdens, to truly trust in Him, and His guidance during this trial. During this struggle with feelings. My Savior will take care of me. For this, I testify the Lord is watching over us. He is in fact, aware of our every need, desire, feeling, question, worry, happiness, and our life. We are His children. He will not forsake us. In His Sacred Name, Amen.

"He says I'm a Child of God and I can always trust His word. Cause He knows all things when I'm unsure. And I can ask and receive, get down on my knees and pray for more. When my faith is wondering there's one thing I need, is to know I love Him, and He loves me."

November Thanks 2

Sometimes I have a hard day. I feel selfish and pity for myself. And remembering to be grateful can really be humbling.

1. I am very grateful for my Savior, and the loving peace He brings to me. I have been struggling these past couple days. Doubts, fears, stressing, confusion, anxiety, and anything else in the book. I have really felt the need for my Savior. For just a hug. For just a quiet whispering that He is there, listening and watching over me. Today, as I sat in sacrament meeting, I knew the only way to find comfort and make it through this week and next, is to turn to the Lord. I prayed today, and I read this talk during sacrament meeting and my heart was full. I am so grateful to be a member of this church.
2. Today is Veteran's Day! I'm so grateful for those who have served, in any way, and those who are currently serving. I am grateful for those family members who are currently serving. I truly am grateful for their bravery and dedication to serve.
3. I am very grateful for the ability to write. To use my hands, and my mind to write letters to my sweetheart. I sent my last letter yesterday, and it was so bittersweet. Letters are powerful, and so meaningful. Letters of all kinds are the best. I love getting mail :) (Unless it's a bill of course!) But I am truly grateful Brady and I were able to communicate through letters. I will cherish them for the rest of my life.
4. I am very grateful for my dad. For all of his hard work. I don't say it as often as I should but I really am grateful for his dedication to my family. For always supporting us, and giving me such a wonderful life. I am grateful for the home, in which he works so hard to keep. I am grateful for the things in which I have been given, but I am especially grateful for his love for me. There are so many different routes he could have taken as a father, but the one he chose was love. I love my dad so much. He is one of my greatest best friends. I couldn't have asked for a better father. Thank you dad, you truly are appreciated.
5. I am grateful for my nephews today :) For their sweet smiles, and their hugs, and even their cries. I love sharing my cereal and watching countless episodes of blues clues and dinosaur train. I'm grateful for Evan and for the patience he teaches me, for the love he gives endlessly and for the laughter he is ALWAYS sharing. I love Sawyer. For his sweet smile. It tears me up when I picture it. When he looks over, and you say his name, he focuses and the moment he realizes who you are, the most heart-melting smile grows on his cute face. These adorable boys mean the absolute world to me, and I'm so grateful they're in my life.
6. I am grateful for my cute scooter boy :) He sure is getting old, and is constantly barking and we're always telling him to shut up. But I am so glad, that when nobody is home, he is always and I mean always excited to see me. He gives me countless "kisses" and snuggles with me when I don't even ask him to. The love from a dog is truly unconditional. I'm so grateful we have always had Scooter. He has helped me through a lot of depression I had in high school. I love him very much.
7. I'm very grateful for all of my friends. Sometimes I get really down on myself because I feel I am not a good enough friend. I feel like I bail on so many people or I don't stay in touch enough with those who could really use a friend. I feel like I'm constantly forgetting people. But I'm not. You are all in my heart, and even if I can't be with you physically, you're in my prayers. I appreciate our friendship and all the memories we've ever shared. You mean a lot to me and I will never forget you.
8. This one is silly, but I am grateful for Christmas time. It is seriously the most wonderful time of the year. I love the snow, I love the endless Christmas music on the radio, that I jam out to in my car. I love Christmas tree's and wreaths. I love reading gift ideas on pinterest. I love the Spirit of giving, and most importantly, the birth of our Savior. This Christmas is going to be really special for me, but having grown up in a house where Christmas music was played literally all year long, I'm grateful for such a happy season :) Happy Holidays and be safe everyone! :)
9. Today I am grateful for Brady's family. They really are some of the sweetest people I've ever met. Their support has really helped me through these 2 years. They've always been so kind, and including me has got to be one of the greatest, and means a lot, especially since Brady isn't here. I love family. Family is a real big thing for me, and to be welcomed by them makes me feel like I have one big great family :) I thank them today and always for their love and kindness. It is never forgotten.
10. I am grateful for my job. It is great for me, and I love it. I love meeting new people every day, including the not so nice members. I'm grateful for the knowledge I have received from working their, and the friends I have made. I'm grateful I have a job in these hard times, and I hope it continues to stay that way.
11. I am grateful to be me. I am grateful to be who I am. I am grateful that even with my struggles, I can feel. Being me has been quite the journey but I am grateful that my father entrusted me with this body, this spirit and this life. To take care of it, and love it. It's not always rainbows and daisies, but even then, being me is wonderful. I love my life and I'm so grateful for it :)

My 76th Letter

"When suffering we may in fact be nearer to God than we've ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple. Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, 'I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up' (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God's love and care for us, including - and perhaps especially - in times of trouble." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland"

"I'm almost finished with the New Testament. When I finish, I will have read the whole quad in less than a year!"

"We also need to go to Institute together!"

"I don't know if I'm allowed to hug you yet... I'll probably ask my mission president in my exit interview, so I don't think you'll know until I see you at the airport! Please don't be too disappointed if I can't! Just remember, I'm hugging you in spirit!"

"I have 1 more letter to write you!"

Oh the hug. Hahaha, I have no expectation for him hugging me. I never have. Brady has never been the kind to break rules. He follows them strictly. But I still just rrrreeeeaaallllyyy hope that he will ;) If not, I can wait till the next day. I love that he shared one of my favorite quotes from Holland, who happens to be my favorite Apostle.

Only 1 more mailbox run next week, and he'll be home.. :)

1 Week

Brady has 1 week and 4 days left. But, next week is my last full week without him. Say whaa??? The mail most likely won't come on Monday so I had to send my last letter to him today. Talk about bittersweet.

I didn't know what to say. This was it. This was my final letter. And in all honesty, I feel weird. Every single day for 2 years, right before bed, I would write something to Brady. Tell him what I did that day, what I was feeling about this, or that. But I always wrote something. And now I have nothing to write. And I can't write him because he won't get the letter. So I guess I have to really journal. It's worked so far, but it still feels weird not writing telling Brady about my day. But I cannot wait to do it in person. :)

I basically told him how grateful I am for him, and his service to the Lord. How amazing he is, and how proud of him I am, his family is, and most importantly our Father in Heaven. I hope he knows how wonderful it is that he served faithfully :) I told him that I loved him. That I'm grateful how much strength this mission has brought to our relationship. That I'm so grateful for all that he's done for me. I then bore my testimony, told him how much I loved him and then said:

"SEE YOU IN 11 DAYS!!!!!! :)"

It was awesome. Then I put it in the mailbox and BOOM. It was sent off today :) I'm so glad that this is all coming to an end. I'm also excited that I'm not the only one excited. There are a lot of people excited, and it makes me happy :) I can't wait for him to meet so many of you. I told him to be prepared to meet a lot of people. AH! My sweetheart is almost home.

This week, I have school and work, so that will keep me busy, but I also have Monday off, for Veteran's Day... (SEMPER FI to my father!) I have the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn on Thursday night. Friday night I have the day off and I'm going bowling with my peeps from wejo. Saturday, I work, have my cousins baby shower, and then I'm headed to Orem to be with one of my best friends, Ashley :) I'm sleeping over. WOO. And THEN..... 4 days left... of LOTS OF WORK AND SCHOOL and impatience, and crying, and feeling like I'm going to throw up... some more crying, some screaming, and a lot of praying. I can't believe it's here.... :)

WOOOOOOO. :)
Until next time...

The House of the Lord

I went to the Temple today, and it was wonderful! There was nobody there. Well of course, the workers but I was in and out in about 30 minutes. I love going to the Temple. I sure do miss going with my friends from school though.

When I got there, the man at the door greeted me and said, "Welcome to the House of the Lord." Now I'm not going to make this a big deal, but nobody has ever said that when I've walked in. They've always said, "Welcome to the Temple." which is basically the same thing, but there is just a different meaning and tone, and feeling to the words, "House of the Lord." When I was done, I walked up the stairs and the man had thanked me for my service. And that has never happened. Today was about service. It wasn't about going to find some big answer in my life. It wasn't about going to mark it off my weekly list. It was about doing service. It was about doing baptisms and confirmations for those who have yet to receive it. It was about the House of the Lord. And I'm so grateful that I get to be apart of that. That I get to go inside his beautiful Houses. His Spirit is there, and I love it. I took some pictures, so I'll share them, but I'm very glad I made a trip to the Temple today :) I can't wait to go with my sweetheart!

One Nation, Under God

This election has been insanely crazy. It's my first year for voting, my first year being involved. I don't know much about politics, and I don't think a lot of people out there truly do. I want to be honest and say that I don't, but I did my best to pay attention this time around, and I will make sure that I'm more involved next time!

One thing has really caught my attention during my first experience of voting, more than I ever imagined it would have. I'm really surprised that I didn't pay attention to it more, but this is exactly why I'm so grateful for the many examples I have out in this world.

I hope my friend is okay with my sharing what she posted on Facebook:
"Unbelievable. Feeling stronger than ever that the solution for MY family is to cling to the Gospel, stay out of debt and develop a relationship SO rock-solid with our Heavenly Father that nothing can shake us. I don't trust politics. But I trust the Lord. I trust in His ability to guide my family as we live IN this world, but not OF it. Immersing myself in the Book of Mormon has kept a calm peace in my heart through all of this. As it always does. I'm off to read... As for me and my house, we DO choose, serve and honor the Lord."

I seriously could not have said it better myself. I don't think anyone has. I have only met her once in my whole life, because well, I'm a blog stalker and that's how I know her at all. Hahaha, but she really has become one of the greatest examples in my life, in many aspects, but most importantly in the gospel.

I really have had to take a few steps back these past couple months, 1) in preparation for Brady coming home and 2) because of prayer, and really learning to trust in the Lord. I had to think about my faith and where I stood as an instrument in his hands. I have struggled with finding answers to my questions in life. I feel as though I watch everyone around me receive revelation, but I just don't feel I have. Because maybe my revelation doesn't come the way others does, but I don't know why I have struggled with this for so long.

I once saw a picture on Pinterest that said, "Prayer should be first priority, not last resort." And it really hit me how true that is. How much I TRULY need to turn to prayer first. I'm not going to go into much detail about what I need to do personally as I struggle to find ways to recognize revelation, but I will say I'm grateful for people like my friend Becca. For people who remember that this is a nation under God. That He is in charge, and has been since the very beginning. It's amazing that knowing, regardless of what I wanted the outcome to be, I still have my faith. I still have my gospel. I still have the freedom that MANY are sacrificing to give me, to open my Book of Mormon and read it. To Pray to the one and only God I believe in. The God that lives. The God that loves me, and every single human being on this earth. The God that will take care of us, no matter who is voted as President of these United States. I truly am grateful, and tonight, as I pray for help and guidance sent Obama's way, I pray with gratitude, that I am SO unbelievably grateful I live in the country that I do. That I have the freedom to vote, and at the end of the day, the Lord is in control. I will always turn to my God, that never fails me. And I am trusting in him.

"Whatever happens, the Lord is already in it." - Joseph Smith

2nd To Last

And it begins...

My second to last letter to Brady.. ♥

In just 1 week,

I will send off the final "hoorah" letter!

"Dear Babe...."