He Loves Me

Wow... what is this?? 2 blog posts in 1 day?? Hahaha, this is great. Kara would be proud.

I'm holding back the tears as I write this. My Savior really is with me today. I don't know why, actually, maybe I do. But sometimes I just struggle. Sometimes I just have "one of those days." And it makes it hard, especially when your missionary comes home in exactly 10 days. Today is one of those days. I have experience with doubt, a lot. Sometimes I wonder what if, and I fear for things in my future. I worry and I'm scared. I pray that the Lord helps me submit to the will he has planned for me, but in all honesty, I'm scared. I'm scared of heartbreak. I'm scared of things not working out. I'm scared of what lies ahead for my future, with or without Brady. I'm struggling.

As mentioned in the post below, I read this talk in sacrament. I was going through and found some amazing quotes that caused me to tear up, and plead inside my heart, with my Father in Heaven, to help me feel comfort.

"These fiery trials are designed to make you stronger, but they have the potential to diminish or even destroy your trust in the Son of God and to weaken your resolve to keep your promises to Him. These trials are often camouflaged, making them difficult to identify. They take root in our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, our sensitivities, or in those things that matter most to us. A real but manageable test for one can be a fiery trial for another. How do you remain "steadfast and immovable" during a trial of faith? You immerse yourself in the very things that helped build your core of faith: you exercise faith in Christ, you pray, you ponder the scriptures, you repent, you keep the commandments, and you serve others."

"When faced with a trial of faith--whatever you do you don't step away from the Church! Distancing yourself from the kingdom of God during a trial of faith is like leaving the safety of a secure storm cellar just as the tornado comes into view."

"When you are faced with a test of faith, stay within the safety and security of the household of God. There is always a place for you here. No trial is so large we can't overcome it together."

"By definition, trials will be trying. There may be anguish, confusion, sleepless nights, and pillows wet with tears. But our trials need not be spiritual fatal. They need not take us from our covenants or from the household of God. (Helaman 5:12)."

 I find it kind of ironic that he shared my favorite scripture, Helaman 5:12, yet I never turned to it. My visiting teachers came over today, and I truly am grateful for them. Building a relationship with these wonderful women in my ward is really comforting. To see their dedication in coming to visit me, and their want to get to know me, and for me to learn to love and trust them, really is incredible. I hope they know how grateful I am for them.

I'm getting to my point of this post, I promise.

They came over to share a message with me, not knowing I've been struggling with these feelings. And one sister shared excerpts from this talk.

Wait, what was the title of that talk? The Lord Has Not Forgotten You. And this sister had NO idea how much I needed to hear that talk. It almost made me tear up because here I am in sacrament meeting, pleading to the Lord silently to help me feel comforted. To take away these doubts and anxiety. The Lord has not forgotten me, in fact, today, He has remembered me more than I could have asked for. I have really felt His love today. I have really felt like a Daughter of God that I am taught to be all my life. I will share something from that talk, that really stuck out to me:

"For the first time in many days, I knelt down and poured out my heart to my Father in Heaven, pleading for forgiveness for turning away from Him, telling Him all of my deepest feelings, and finally crying out that if this was what He really wanted me to do, I would do it. I knew He must have a plan for our lives. As I continued on my knees to pour out my heart, the sweetest, most peaceful, loving feeling came over me. It was as if a blanket of love was flowing over me. It was as if I could feel Heavenly Father saying, “That was all I needed to know.”

I am truly thankful for those sisters coming over today. And even though I didn't express my feelings, I didn't need to. They just knew, by the power of the Holy Ghost, that I needed to hear that talk today. That I need some extra comfort that the Lord is in fact remembering me. I am so lucky. I am so grateful for today. I love my Savior.

I've been listening to this song very much lately, and today, it has me in tears as I remember, He loves me. He truly loves me.
Now it's my turn to love the Lord. It is my turn to turn over my burdens, to truly trust in Him, and His guidance during this trial. During this struggle with feelings. My Savior will take care of me. For this, I testify the Lord is watching over us. He is in fact, aware of our every need, desire, feeling, question, worry, happiness, and our life. We are His children. He will not forsake us. In His Sacred Name, Amen.

"He says I'm a Child of God and I can always trust His word. Cause He knows all things when I'm unsure. And I can ask and receive, get down on my knees and pray for more. When my faith is wondering there's one thing I need, is to know I love Him, and He loves me."