5 Weeks

Left.

I can't stop freaking out.

I can't stop feeling nauseous.

I can't sleep.

He is all I think about.

I don't want to go to school.

I just feel sick.

I feel nervous.

I feel anxious.

I wrote this,

and I'm still feeling that way.

I dont think it has hit me.

Maybe it has.

AH.

How do I make this stop? :(

How do I stop thinking about it so much to help time pass?

How do I calm down?

How do I get rid of doubts?

How do I get rid of worry?

I can't stop how I'm feeling.

This is so hard.

This is so crazy.

The longest,

hardest,

best,

2 year journey is about to end.

Am I in shock?

I just want to cry.

But I'm also very excited.

I was able to get the day after Thanksgiving off at work, after some switching around they were able to give it to me, so I'll get Thanksgiving day, the day after, Sat., Sun., AND Monday. A 5 DAY WEEKEND!!! And I truly hope his family lets me spend time with him.

Honestly, that's really what I'm so worried about.

I'm worried I won't be able to call him.

I'm worried that I won't be able to see him.

I don't want any of that.

I really hope his mom lets me see him when he gets back.

I really hope that he wants to see me so soon from getting back.

I just really don't want to go any longer without seeing him,

and knowing that I might have to makes me feel panic.

I don't know why.

But that's the honest truth.

I'm scared I won't get to see him.

I'm scared that I'll have to wait longer :(

I'm done waiting. I just want to see my stinkin' boyfriend.

:(

Actually,

I know why I feel panic.

Because I love Brady.

And I'm SO tired of being away from him.

I don't want him to do anything but be with me.

I don't want him to go anywhere without me.

I want to be selfish. 100%.

Please pray for me, that I'll have comfort. That whatever happens, happens and I'll get through it. Even if I have to go a day or two before seeing him after the airport. Please pray for my sweet, tender heart that I'll survive this. 34 days. That's it. 34 days. 

*takes a really big deep breath*

Homecoming 2009

I made Brady pop his collar.

Such a stud.

My 73rd Letter

"Babe, I'm going to see you so soon! This last transfer just felt like two days, and that's all I have left (1 transfer)!"

"How was General Conference for you? My favorite talk was the priesthood session... I don't think there was one boring talk during that one! Elder Christofferson is probably one of my favorite speakers."

"I finished the Book of Mormon again! It's been great."

"42 days Babe!"

There's actually 37 days left now.

1 week from today, I'll have 1 month left.

*insert nauseous feeling and nervous/butterflies*

:)

Being An Aunt

Being an aunt is the greatest thing on this planet. I cannot explain enough how much I love being an aunt. I know I will love my future nephews/nieces, but these two boys are currently owning my heart. I love them more than they'll ever know.

These boys keep me laughing. They keep me smiling and they always know how to turn my frown upside down and keep it that way. These boys are so special to me. I never knew I could love someone so much in my whole life (obviously besides Brady). It's so fun to have little kids in the family again, and to watch them grow and see/help them discover life. It's so beautiful and I love when they laugh, smile, talk, play, etc. They make me so happy and I'm so very very very grateful to my siblings for letting me be apart of their lives :) I can't imagine not ever knowing them.

I love watching them grow up, even if it means saying goodbye to the baby ages :( I love buying things for them at the store, and getting cute outfits on sale! I love pushing a stroller, and sharing my cereal. I love watching blues clues and dinosaur train. I love cleaning up toys only to help Evan (and someday, Sawyer) make a mess again. I love taking pictures. Super obvious. I love knowing I can visit the Zoo and have someone just as excited as I am. I love watching Evan love his cousin Sawyer. I love watching Evan sign to us "baby" and then want to hold Sawyer. I love them both. I just hope they will ALWAYS know how much I love them... And I want to thank them for all the opportunities I get as an aunt :)

My 72nd Letter

I'm so close.

"I liked those last pictures you sent me, except for three, where you were wearing really ugly, really red clothes! JK! :* I loved all of the pictures"

(GO UTES)

"I can't wait to see you! And I definitely can't believe how close I am to seeing you! Only 1 more fast Sunday!"

I can't believe it.

1 more fast sunday.

that's it :)

Wheeler Farm 5K

My friend Becca had posted a link on FB a while ago about a 5K and Wheeler Farm, and I'm so inspired by all her running and her love/desire to run that I thought I would do the 5K. And today, I did just that! I didn't do as well as I hoped, I felt pressured the whole time. I just kept telling myself that right now, it wasn't about time for me, it wasn't about fast or slow, it was just about finishing the race. It helped my mental negativity when the people standing along the way would cheer for me. Other than that, I found my brain trying to make excuses to let me walk.

It was a good race! GREAT run! The course was SUPER easy!!! And I just really enjoyed it :) I feel very proud of myself. Having not prepared like I should have, and not having ran something like that since high school, I feel I did great regardless of my time and asthma. I'm so grateful my parents were there to support me! It was so nice meeting Becca and Missy! They are such sweet people, and it was fun to do that with them! Hopefully next year I'll do more races, cause I certainly enjoy them (at least when I'm done running)! :)

Surprise Package!

And my 71st letter :)

I really don't know how I got so lucky with Brady. It just came out of nowhere!

"I thought I'd send you a surprise package because you're so cute! ;)"

"the iPhone case isn't the best but I thought you might like it!"

"I'm also giving you lots of chocolate cause I know you like it so much. Also, I know hot chocolate is your favorite ;)"

"Can you believe we have 2 months left? We're getting so close :)"

"This morning my companion was telling me what he learned in his study and he said that Amulek was offered money Zeezrom to deny God. So I said, "Yeah, six onties of silver." He was amazed that I knew that ;) I love the scriptures so much Babe! I'm glad I've been able to be here on my mission to study so much of them!"

He's so cute.

I love when he says, "we" have 2 months left.

Ahhh, I'm getting so excited to see him.

I'm so lucky. I'm so spoiled.

I seriously love Brady so much.

SO much.

Happy Birthday Brady! :)

the BIG 21! :)

I can't believe it.

You're old.

And wrinkly.

Just like you said I was.

Let's be old and wrinkly together?

I'll be sending you a gift soon, babe.

I really wish I could be with you today, just like I was 2 years ago. I miss you a lot, and I hope they sing you happy birthday, and spoil you rotten ;) 'Cause I would if you were here. I guess I'll just have to keep some of your gifts until you're home.

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, and I just hope today is wonderful for you, and know that I'm thinking of you on this day.. :) I love you very much.

You're all I've ever wanted.

Don't worry babe,

we've got next year to celebrate,

and the year after that,

and even the year after that!

Actually,

how does forever sound?

Good :)

Cause I like forever too.