5 Weeks

Left.

I can't stop freaking out.

I can't stop feeling nauseous.

I can't sleep.

He is all I think about.

I don't want to go to school.

I just feel sick.

I feel nervous.

I feel anxious.

I wrote this,

and I'm still feeling that way.

I dont think it has hit me.

Maybe it has.

AH.

How do I make this stop? :(

How do I stop thinking about it so much to help time pass?

How do I calm down?

How do I get rid of doubts?

How do I get rid of worry?

I can't stop how I'm feeling.

This is so hard.

This is so crazy.

The longest,

hardest,

best,

2 year journey is about to end.

Am I in shock?

I just want to cry.

But I'm also very excited.

I was able to get the day after Thanksgiving off at work, after some switching around they were able to give it to me, so I'll get Thanksgiving day, the day after, Sat., Sun., AND Monday. A 5 DAY WEEKEND!!! And I truly hope his family lets me spend time with him.

Honestly, that's really what I'm so worried about.

I'm worried I won't be able to call him.

I'm worried that I won't be able to see him.

I don't want any of that.

I really hope his mom lets me see him when he gets back.

I really hope that he wants to see me so soon from getting back.

I just really don't want to go any longer without seeing him,

and knowing that I might have to makes me feel panic.

I don't know why.

But that's the honest truth.

I'm scared I won't get to see him.

I'm scared that I'll have to wait longer :(

I'm done waiting. I just want to see my stinkin' boyfriend.

:(

Actually,

I know why I feel panic.

Because I love Brady.

And I'm SO tired of being away from him.

I don't want him to do anything but be with me.

I don't want him to go anywhere without me.

I want to be selfish. 100%.

Please pray for me, that I'll have comfort. That whatever happens, happens and I'll get through it. Even if I have to go a day or two before seeing him after the airport. Please pray for my sweet, tender heart that I'll survive this. 34 days. That's it. 34 days. 

*takes a really big deep breath*

Homecoming 2009

I made Brady pop his collar.

Such a stud.