The Closer It Gets

Every single year, my heart pounds like crazy when October approaches.
I get excited for General Conference.
I get excited for my mom's birthday.
I get excited for Brady's birthday.
I get excited for Halloween.
And obviously, I'm just excited.

But after all of that passes, and the "true" holidays approach, my heart aches a little inside.
October 26th will mark 3 years since my sweet Andy has passed. Why do I call him "my sweet Andy?" I honestly can't say. Everyone calls him Nate, (because thats his name) but I have always known him as Andy, and that's how I'll always know him. He's just so sweet and always was kind to me. I just have this little tug at my heart, when I hear his name. Sometimes it stings, but it always reminds me of how special Andy was. Not only to me, but more friends and especially his family.

My heart aches a little, it's always hard to remember something that, with each passing year it has gotten easier. I spoke with my best friend about it, and I'm okay now. I'm really ready to close that book in my life, and place it on the shelf. Sounds silly, but I love symbolism, and that idea. Because it's truly how I'm feeling with all of this.

Andy is sweet, and he'll always be 16 to me, but I'm doing okay now. It still hurts, and I think it always will. Remember this? That song couldn't explain what I'm trying to say right now, more perfectly. Andy is so amazing. I can't even imagine his happiness right now. And that's what I'm doing for myself. My life keeps going, and I can't keep holding back because I can't let it go yet.

Well, I'm ready.
This is huge for me. It was such a big deal in my life, and maybe it always will be. I've learned to live with it, and even though I'm not over it, I'm able to look past it and keep moving forward. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has ever offered me love and support through this hardship. It really means a lot to know I'm not alone. It was such a hard and trying time in my life, and I couldn't have done it without most of you. I wanted to share a picture of his cute little girl, and I hope his mom is okay with that.

She is so cute. I can't believe how big she's getting. She looks like him. Oh how proud he must be of her, and her mom. She's so adorable and I've loved seeing pictures of her growing up, helps me get to know someone Andy knew that I didn't!

I love my Andy... and as this October month approaches, I'll keep a prayer in my heart, to fill that crack, that won't ever go away, but is always filled with the love and comfort of my Savior, with the knowledge that I will see Him again.

Love you Andy.
I'll be seeing you in a few months.
♥