First I read my friend Becca's blog post. She is such an amazing lady. She's actually my best friend's sister-in-law. Haha, I just stumbled upon her blog once, but boy am I glad I did. She is such a great example to me. Sometimes I swear her words are straight from Heavenly Father. In that blog post she mentions how her and her husband went straight to praying after submitting an application for the husband's schooling, thanking Heavenly Father for leading them this way. I mean, an application! Why didn't I think of that? In fact, why am I not doing that? Not that it's a bad idea, or that I'm (or them) a bad person for doing/not doing it, but I never ever would think of doing that. I should be on my knee's more than I even dream of being. I know nobody is perfect, and I'm not trying to be perfect, or make anyone out to be perfect. I'm just simply stating how grateful I am, that Becca is a constant example and her blog posts are constant reminders of how important prayer needs to be in my life. It's been such a struggle for me since I was younger. I need to change that.
Following Becca's post, I ran into Elise's post! This girl is just flat out awesome :) She wrote about accepting herself the way she is. Now this is just something that I struggle with, entirely. I struggle with accepting the way my physical appearance is such as weight, hair color, eye makeup, clothing, fingernails, earrings, hair style, etc. It's always been pressure on me. I've been trying really hard lately to just accept myself for who I am. God created me this way so why do I feel so awful about it? Why do I look at myself in disgust when I'm a masterpiece of God? I'm one of the greatest creations, and I can't even smile about it. My Savior and Heavenly Father loves me for who I am. They love me for the outward appearance and especially my inward appearance. I truly need to work on my heart and then it'll show on the outside.
Now onto that song I was telling you about. It's beautiful. Hilary Weeks is one of my all time favorites. I always feel like blog posts like these make my blog boring because they're so long and no pictures, but this is sort of my journal, I post what I feel. Anyway, I like how she talks about Heavenly Father turning these hard times into beautiful heartbreaks. They're teaching us something. They are ours and only ours. Nobody else's. We promised Heavenly Father we'd endure them, and we will do so. I'm grateful for gospel singers and the songs they write and produce because if it weren't for some, I'd never make it through the days. So without further ado, listen to it :)
I've had my fair share of heartbreaks. Boys, friends, school, family, work, church. And none of them have been easy. In fact, there are so many that I could just point out on the dot, and some I have to really remember. Either way, they're all heartbreaks. Sometimes it can take up to years for me before I finally feel officially moved on and can look back with no pain, but very rarely does it happen soon after the event. Sometimes I can get really sad, and at times, it's pretty tough to get through. I always hate it because sometimes I don't want to do anything, I just can't do anything. Mentally, emotionally, physically... I feel like I work on myself too hard and then it just breaks underneath my feet... like maybe I'm not tough enough for those situations. Maybe I wasn't in the right frame of mind to have made the decisions I did.... but I did them anyway, because I'm not going to let it stop me from living. I hope someone can love me for me, and my sadness. I hope someone can endure it with me, so I'm not alone when I feel I am. Being sad is truly one of my beautiful heartbreaks. Sounds contradicting, I know, but the Lord entrusted it to me, and I'll take. Beautiful or ugly.
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