Being a college student, and supporting yourself is pretty tough. I'm very lucky to have such wonderful parents who let me live at home for free, provide for me and give me the things that I need, that I could not do on my own. While I provide for myself: my car, phone, and school necessities, as well as paying for school (which is very expensive.) I try not to worry about how much school costs but to worry about the fact that I need to stay in school. School is my number one priority. It always has been. Since I can remember, I've always wanted to go to college, and get my degree so that one day I could be a stay-at-home mom, just like my mother was. I cannot tell you how amazing it was to grow up knowing that my mom was always home if I ever needed her. I'm so grateful the Lord blessed my father with a fantastic, and supportive job so that my mother could fulfill her role as a mom.
I'm constantly stress with homework, and papers to write, and assignments to turn in. Knowing I only have 4 hours to do so before I need to sleep so I can get enough rest to pay attention at work the next day is the hardest part. I feel like I'm constantly going. I never have a day off, because the days that I do have off, I'm at school all day. Now I know people go to school full-time and work, some even have more than one job.. they're a lot tougher than I am, I'll tell you that! But for me, just working part-time (soon to be full-time) and going to school full-time is tough. I keep stressing that I'm not going to pass my classes and that I won't graduate on time. My goal all year has been to graduate in December with my Associates of Science in Psychology and I will be devastated and I mean devastated if that doesn't happen.. The last month and a half of the semester is always the worst; studying for finals, last-minute projects, horribly long assignments, boring class lectures, and registering for school. I'm doing something different this year; I've decided to attend school during the Summer and fall. Yup, I won't get a break from school, but that is to meet my "since graduated high school" goal, to be graduated in the fall. That was also my top goal for while Brady was gone.
The reason I'm even posting this, and I'll be surprised if any of you are still reading at this point, is because today I had an incident where I found out I'd be working extra hours, that I'm not excited for. I'm already cramming enough as it is, in the little time that I already have for school, and to make sure I'm studying and passing my classes. I began to get frustrated and I didn't even go to class. I just pouted and got mad as if they were out to get me. I was mad they were taking away my "free time." The only day I have to get homework done AND babysit my sweet nephew that I already don't see a lot anymore... I was frustrated and mad, and couldn't believe it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, it doesn't matter. Maybe the Lord is blessing me with extra hours because he knows how much I'll need extra money for school this semester. He knows how much I badly want to continue my life savings and to take care of my car that could die at any moment. So it's one day Ashley, get over yourself. "This Isn't How It's Always Going to Be." I am going to miss my little nephew that day, but I have to keep telling myself the Lord knows what he is doing, and if that means working extra hours so it will benefit me in the future, than I need to do so and stop whining about it. He knows my best interest and I need to accept it.
So I've buckled down, and I'm taking it and going with it. I'm not sure it'll get any easier, but it'll definitely be worth it. I'm so grateful for all the hard-working examples I have in my life (whether they know it or not) that keep me going, and for the Lord. He is always blessing me the most when I feel I don't deserve it. So, instead of whining, I'll take the "Two Word Sermon" into my daily life, and stop it.
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