Not For Me

This is another post about my sweetheart, surprised? ;)
I'm not. Sometimes I just get all these thoughts in my head, and things that I'm thinking and I don't want to keep them in my head, so I either journal/blog and I don't really like writing anymore.. my brain works faster than my hands write, and my hands work almost as fast as my brain. (Did you need to know that? Prolly not. Oh well.)

Back in the day, not so far back, in Junior High and High School for the first couple years, I was always addicted to the heartbreak songs. I was constantly liking boys, vice versa and then having things end. I'd be sad, cry and listen to heartbreak songs, and just think, "Oh I relate!" or "Oh my gosh..... this is my theme song!!" Or I'd find songs for my friends, vice versa... I was totally addicted to "dreaming" of finding the one. I was addicted to the thought that all these heartbroken songs were me, and that I could never find enough to explain my story the very best. I believed that's how life was regardless of growing up.. I didn't have that much faith in "love" and maybe that's because I was young and wasn't allowed to date. Whatever it is, it all changed my junior year.

I met a boy who I thought I loved, and it was a different feeling than the Junior High crushes.. But the heartbreak songs were still for me, and sometimes I wished the boys would just listen to them, because they said words I couldn't speak. The next boy was senior year, and that's when I really knew what love was. It was hard when that was taken away, and while dating him I found a love for "happy/love" songs, and got addicted to both. It wasn't until I met Brady that I finally just.knew. I just did; and I'm sure most people who are married or in love know what I'm talking about. It's so hard to explain, you just know when you know. Brady has made me more happy than anyone or anything I could ever imagine. I never knew this kind of happiness/joy existed.. It's the best feeling in the world. He quickly became my best friend, and it wasn't too long before I wanted to say "I love you" so badly... I cherished Brady and everything he was, has been and going to be.

I began to believe in those love songs. Those fairy tale's. Those "wedding" songs. I had playlists and lyrics and quotes all set up all over Facebook and this blog. I was always asking him to listen to a cute song here and there, and he'd do the same. I've never loved someone so much in my entire life. To have someone create a new addiction for me; a happy one. An addiction that I could believe in, and that was the knowledge that there was love out there for me... That I wasn't going to be heartbroken forever. I was going to be happy, with the one I love, forever. I knew Heavenly Father blessed me with Brady and it's amazing to see how strongly our love for each other has grown in just 15 months.. I can't believe I get to see my sweetheart in just a little over 8 months. So to my conclusion, that stuff just isn't for me anymore. I'm happy. I'm in love. and I will always be. I'm so grateful for Brady and all that he has done for me. Loving him has been such a blessing. I've learned to appreciate him in ways I didn't think existed. The small things really do mean just as much as the big things. I almost just can't explain my feelings right now other than the position I'm in right now, loving someone so much, so far away, is so incredible. I know this wait will be worth it, because so far, it has been. I've been so blessed to have gone through this, and have stuck it out with someone who wants me just as much as I want him.. :)