Reflections

So it's been an entire year (it was on the 16th) since I re-made a blog. (See post here) and it's crazy. So much has happened in just ONE year.

I repaired my tragically broken heart.
I graduated Seminary.
I graduated high school.
And my life took a turn for the better.

Copper Hills Class of 2010

I don't regret the decisions I have made in the past year, I've just learned from every decision. I've changed, and I've become a different person completely. I grew up, and stood in front of fears' face. I stood my ground, and I got over bumps in my road. I couldn't have done it without certain people in my life, and I am forever grateful for that. I found a love. I found a love that could take care of me the way I needed to be taken care of. But I also found a love that I could love. More than I've ever been able to my entire life. All the broken hearts were made up when the decision was made to fully let myself put someone else before myself and just let the healing come. He accepted me for who I was. For the wounds and scars that weren't closed. He took me in his wonderful, protecting arms and he let me smile :) He caused my heart to jump, but in a special way! He taught me patience and he taught me sacrifice. Letting my heart go with him has been extremely hard on me, but knowing that he has it, safely next to his, makes it all worth it :) I miss him so much, every single day, but this is nothing compared to the Eternity my Heavenly Father promised me for waiting ♥

 I learned to smile, be happy, and enjoy myself. Live through the moments and to entirely experience what I was going through. I worked with wonderful people, with the knowledge to help lead me through some things I never thought I'd get over. I don't believe I'll completely be myself again, but I'm a newer version. I miss the Ashley that I used to be, but that was left behind when I made the decision to step over the huge bump in my road. I can reflect and realize how great that was, and add that to what I'm capable of now. I see things in such a different way, that I'm grateful for. If I hadn't made the decision to step over that huge bump I wouldn't be able to see people the way I can now. I wouldn't be able to help others the way I can with the understanding they need. I wouldn't be able to completely love with every beat of my heart, if I hadn't made that very small, yet big decision.

I learned that moving away from home meant growing up and taking on responsibility that you've been dreaming about since you were 7 years old. I learned that living with 5 other girls wasn't going to be easy. I understood what it meant to lose again, and again, but to regain from that loss. I learned what it was like to make life changing decisions, based entirely on yourself and nobody else. I learned that Heavenly Father doesn't always just give you the answer. I learned that he needs us to keep our promises if he chooses to help us instantly. I learned that not giving up or giving in, and standing up for yourself does in fact benefit you. I've learned what it's like to live in freedom, with no curfew, with no rules and nothing but the night time sky, the clock and a smile on your face. I learned that education is very important, and that I'm very glad I made that a priority when I was young. College changed my life.

I learned that I still hate winter, but I loved being back home. I learned how accepting my family has been over time. How different I am, yet still the same daughter in my parents' eyes. I learned what it was like to lose friends, but gain such trust with the few left. I learned not to save spots in my heart for those who I know left my life a long time ago. I learned to worry about myself, and the future Heavenly Father & I put together before my journey here on earth. I learned what it is like to just accept the day, whether it's sunny or raining, and that you were at least alive to experience another day. I learned what it's like to realize that even though you don't think about it every day, you have a life threatening medical issue, but that it hasn't seemed to stop you just yet, and that you need to live and continue as though it never will.

In the past year, I've learned to be me and I've learned to love me.