I first started with clothing I don't wear anymore. I came across a pair of pajama pants that have a significant meaning to my heart, as painful as it was to make the decision, I knew it was time to give them up. So, I put them in the D.I. pile. I kept on clearing out my drawers. I came across another outfit that I didn't hesitate to give up. I honestly, have no idea why I kept them.. but I'm sure glad they're gone for good. I felt really good about clearing everything out and headed on to my next section. My tub of storage underneath my bed. I've had things in there since I was prolly 10 or 11. I started at the back. I took out my journals, and some wounds stung when I saw the journals I'd kept in there. Memories are locked in those journals, and I never want them to come out again. I went through old photographs, and laughed hard at a few, almost leaked tears, and some, I just plain didn't want to look it. High school dance photos for an instance. I immediately put those away in a folder, and they're going away for a very long time. Call it silly, but those pictures mean scrubbing really deep burns... and I'm tired of not cleaning. I'm sure I'll bring them out someday in the future. Not sure why, because my parents never brought out their dance pictures. So I kept moving on, and threw away things I didn't need anymore, kept meaningful notes to help me through the rough days, and found tons of things to scrapbook! I'll be taking care of that this summer :) I put away my yearbooks from 7th grade through 12th grade. I shoved the tub under my bed, where it will prolly sit until I'm married, and I grabbed a garbage bag, and began to throw things away. I put things in my D.I. pile, and I felt really good about it.
My life is a work and progress. I know there are a lot of people who read my blog. Some may be worried by the things I post about, and some may be offended, some might not care, and some might. I'm writing this all out because I want to. And I can. Its therapeutic for me. It really is. I'm no where near being in danger, and I've got great family to help me through things such as cleaning my burns. I've got amazing counselors, ward members, bishopric's, doctor's, friends, etc. to help me, if I ever feel the need. I also know my Heavenly Father is watching out for me. I made a promise to myself the last time I did baptisms for the dead, that the second I came out of the water the very first time, it was my symbol of forgiveness, forgetting, and simply changing my life around. I wasn't going to look at those who hurt me in a negative way anymore. I wasn't going to get upset and cry over old crushes, memories, and pictures. I wasn't going to dwell on that. I was going to work as hard as I could, through my Heavenly Father and His love for me, to forgive. To find peace in my own soul and to put those things in the back of my head where they belong.
My days are going faster, and my time here on Earth gets shorter every day because I don't know when my Savior is coming. But I do know that as I prepare each and every day, with a smile on my face, rising early and getting ready for the day, doing my best, and reporting at the end of the day in prayer to my Father, I'll be able to look in my Savior's face and tell him how I lived each and every day to its fullest. I'm grateful to be me, and in my Heavenly Father's eyes, just like Him.
♥
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